“I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think.” – Socrates
Quick question. What have you learned that has helped your life in the BDSM community? What have you learned that, once shared has helped others? Interesting thoughts that we seldom take the time to examine, but are worth their weight in gold.
A Brother of mine, in spirit and honor once said, “If someone stands behind you, protect them. If someone stands next to you, respect them.” Let’s associate that on an intellectual level , shall we?
There are many different styles of learning. There are many different styles of teaching. There are many different styles of education. We all know this; at least we should. Sometimes I wonder about the education system. But I digress. To reference the above quote, we see that there will be people with less experience than us and there will be people with similar experience as us. We are to protect the lesser experienced, while respecting the similar experienced. But what of the Elders with vastly more experience? What are we to do with them?
We Honor them. Our elders have forged the ways for most of us to do what it is we are doing without great fear of being arrested or harassed. They have been in the marches; they have bled for what they stand for.
We learn from them. As we protect the ones after us, they will do the same. It is our job and mission to learn what they have went through to get us to where we are today. It is ours to take their shared education, add it to our own, and continue forging the fires of our ways.. the ways of many, past, present and future.
One of the greatest sayings I have ever heard was , ” Each one, Teach One.” Four words, so powerful in their meaning. What do you think that means to you? In my not so humble opinion, It means that everyone has something that they can teach. Everyone can learn something from one another. The information may be gold, or it may be coal: either way, this is a splendid way to learn. Learn from the positives. Learn from the negatives. Turn everything into a learning experience. That’s my belief anyways. YMMV. If you come across bad information, take the meat of it and spit out the bones. Don’t be afraid to challenge the information. It is through asking questions, that we learn. I hope I never stop learning.
Once time, long ago, I asked an attendee of one of my classes that, If they had a choice of two classes, would they want to be the smartest person in the room, or the least experienced person in the room? I believe thats a good question. He said, he wanted to be the smartest person in the room. I asked him what were his reasonings? He enlightened me in that he didn’t want to be looked down upon for being the “weakest”. His words. not mine. I found it interesting that he viewed inexperience as weak. I also found it of interest that he based his decision on fear, and being afraid, or uncomfortable. Absolutely not a great way to make a decision, but I understood his reasonings.
If someone was to ask me that question? I’d want to be the least experienced person in the room. This way I have vast knowledge to learn; and the understanding to learn it. There will be people in the room viewing me as “basic” or ” dumb” but there will also be many others who will reach out to teach me. The haters can continue to hate. I care not of their critiques or invalidation. Their words mean nothing to me. Each one, Teach one.
Now, what does this have to do with The BDSM and kink communities you ask? EVERYTHING! In the 80s , we lost an entire generation of educators due to what is still called , “The Plague”. We have been playing catch up ever since. However, now with the invention of the internet, and how many of millions of people have access to it, the information that works for you is out there. But, and this is the Daddy in me, be forewarned. Not all of it is good information, and quite a bit is dangerous, since safety protocols are not used in many of the examples you might find. This is of course your own personal decision with your risk assessment, if you try to “attempt this at home.” Please, just be careful.
A great and powerful way to learn, and keep learning is to get yourself mentors. We are out here. We may be a bit gruff , but our hearts are in the right place. Mentorship is very important in ones journey. Don’t be afraid to reach out for Mentorship. Mentorship can be for one specific kink, or a lifetime of understanding. Whatever you’re interested in, should be negotiated and discussed. Much like scening. See how important communication is? It is in everything!
For whatever you are interested in learning, learn from as many different avenues of thought as you can. People, Mentors, Internet, Youtube, Books, Conventions, the list goes on. The more well rounded one is about their area of interest, the better and stronger that person becomes in their field. Learn everywhere!”
I do wish you all the absolute best in your journeys. Please reach out to any of us at Free the Kink . We are here for you. To take the quote from earlier, we are here. “Each one, Teach Thousands.” Lesson Learned.
Castar Daemon
Freelance Writer for Free The Kink
