she logged in less than five minutes ago and it has already begun. Checking her messages, she saw the usual “I saw your post/picture/comment” messages. Some completely benign; others positively Cringeworthy. Taking a deep breath, she settled in for another round of “Interesting or Cringey?” Another day…Another opportunity to learn.
BDSM is like an ocean…with depths no one has even reached, yet alone explored yet. So we’re swimming along and then BOOM…we join a BDSM/Kink Community online. And we love it! So many smart, funny, sexy, bold people!!! We are so excited we just want to dive in and start doing all manner of wild and fun shit! Yet that in no way means we shouldn’t exercise restraint (figuratively, in this instance lol). And while some may think a bunch of “look how domly I am” memes, “I wish I was owned” posts will get someone’s attention, they’re absolutely right. It will. But NOT always like they hoped. Because being thirsty, aggressive, arrogant and/argumentative isn’t sexy or appealing to everyone, y’all. You want someone to notice you? Be authentic. Respectful. Engaging. Funny. Confident. And of course, well hydrated lol.
Never forget that there are also sharks there as well, swimming alongside us. Bloodthirsty, aggressive as hell, not letting us continue to swim forward. Why not? Because they are hungry and will not be denied. Well fishies, what should we do about the sharks in the water? There are a few reasons why there are so many sharks in the ocean. There is plenty of food. The environment is very friendly and inviting for them. They like it where they are and they aren’t in a hurry to move. And that can make life in a vast ocean seem small, dangerous and hopeless at times.
Thirst and desperation are ruining the true nature of BDSM. Too many folks are on Social Media begging for dom/mes and subs. And a lot of them are not even working towards being worthy.
Education, patience, self control and commitment are critical.
Frequent Self Reflection is an important part of growth during the journey.
Ask yourself…
- How did I become intrigued by BDSM?
- How does it enhance my life?
- How can I enhance someone else’s life?
- What do I need to do to be worthy of someone’s dominance/submission?
- Where/how do I begin?
- What mistakes have I made/learned from so far?
Self Reflection will also help you identify if you are a regular fish or a shark yourself. And Self Reflection, Self Assessment and Self Regulation are not things that we do once then stop. It’s like Medication prescribed for long periods of time…you don’t stop taking it just because you feel better. You may observe that your perspective about things changes over time. Growth is a beautiful thing. But growth doesn’t just protect us from predators; it can prepare us for them. We’ll start to notice their patterns. What their preferences are. When we can discern how, when, where and who they target we can avoid a potentially disastrous outcome.
For instance…that seemingly harmless or well intentioned post/comment could create a feeding frenzy. Being mindful of what we say and do is critical. Is their response well intentioned or predatory? And no…not implying we can or should try to read people’s minds. this girl is talking about discernment. Being cautious and aware.
Take some time to focus. Figure out which direction you need to go and get going.
Bottom line…we may not be able to avoid sharks because after all this is their habitat, too. But we CAN become more comfortable and confident about swimming along with them while not becoming shark food.
Be safe out there, y’all. And for all the sharks out there…prepare to miss a few meals because of less opportunities. Okay, bye.
~ His Duchess
