Face it, unless you are Wilbur Force, the majorly hyperactive masochist played by actor Jack Nicolson (His breakout role) in the original Little Shop of Horrors film (1960), few and far between are those who enjoy going to the doctors. Even if you have the nicest, most inclusive doctor on the planet, most people dread the cold rooms, long wait times, and invasive questions that can be overwhelming and unpleasant at best.
In the midst of all of this, should you be bringing up the fact that you are kinky? Many kinksters avoid coming out to their healthcare providers, from physicians to therapists, because they either think it is none of their business or they fear judgment.
This can cause some pretty serious consequences.
Kinky sex has unique needs when it comes to protecting our physical and mental health. Additionally, doctors may not understand consensual injuries, such as bruises or marks and believe that we are being harmed.
*Remind me to tell you about the first time my s-type’s general practitioner found the bruises on her back resulting from an intense flogging scene…Law enforcement was involved.
The stress of being part of a minority sexual community can have negative effects on our mental health if we feel isolated or ashamed of what we enjoy. All of us leads us to understand why we must find kink inclusive healthcare providers.
Fact: Most Providers Have No Training or Knowledge of Kink
In most cases physicians, nurses, and even therapists received very little to no training or exposure to kink. The manual that defines mental health disorders, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, removed kink or paraphilia off of their list of disorders in 2013.
If your healthcare provider was trained before this recent update, they may have been trained to think that kink/BDSM is a mental health issue. This can lead to providers believing that their patients are a risk to themselves or others and even cases of reporting them as unfit parents (although the children were completely safe and never exposed to kink).
Because of this, many kinksters are reasonably fearful of talking about their healthcare needs and being outed by someone else. With all of this working against the kink community, how do we go about finding our medical unicorn provider?
Well, for starters…
Look for directories of providers who have kink inclusive training.
The best place to start when looking for kink-friendly providers is the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom’s directory. You can find everything from lawyers to midwives that will not require you to explain your interest in BDSM or kink. If you are a provider, you can add your business to their directory so more kinksters can find you.
Test the waters with providers you already have.
If there is not someone in your area who is on the directory, you may be surprised by what your provider already understands and accepts. You do not need to jump in and tell them everything about your identities and practices. You can start by asking questions to feel things out. Asking things like, do they know anything about kink? What do they think of BDSM…Do they think is healthy and unhealthy in sexuality are good starts.
Their reactions will guide you as to if they are sincerely inclusive and open or not.
Last but not least, if the first two tips do not pan out the way you hoped, remember that finding kink inclusive healthcare is still your right as a patient. Do not feel like you have to settle for a provider that does not understand or appreciate your needs and experience. For kinksters in rural areas, this may be particularly hard, but not impossible.
Be patient and keep looking for kink friendly healthcare providers. With more and more healthcare becoming virtual, options are expanding tenfold.
You and your health are worth it.
