When you play hard as a solo kinkster, it may be up to you to care for yourself in the hours and days following a scene.
Being single in the BDSM scene can be fun…You get to try playing with people you meet at munches and events, you get to experiment with new kinks and experiences…Furthermore, you really have nobody to report to but yourself.
You get to choose, and you get to do whatever you want.
But being single also has its drawbacks, especially if you play often. Whether you are a Top or a bottom, you will sometimes feel what is often called “drop” in the kink community…The lowered mood state that happens after an endorphin high. Although it is more often discussed in the case of bottoms (subdrop) Tops can suffer from it as well (Topdrop or Domdrop)
Even though you may get immediate aftercare after the conclusion of a scene, the effects of drop can last up to a day or two (Perhaps even longer) after a scene. If you are a single kinkster, you may not have someone at home ready to help you through that phase, so you need to learn how to do your own aftercare.
Here are some tips on how to to do it.
-Have an Aftercare Kit Handy-
Whenever you go out to play, have an aftercare kit ready. Basic aftercare items include arnica gel or vitamin K cream (to rub on the bruised areas and speed up the healing process), a bottle of water or sports drink (to rehydrate after a scene), something sweet like candy or chocolate (to perk you up and give you energy), and anything that makes you feel comfortable like a favorite blanket or a plush toy, etc.
Even though some events may offer aftercare items, you should always make sure you have everything you need ahead of time.
-Understand Your Own Needs-
As you become a more experienced player, you will know instinctively what you need to do (or get done to you) to feel better after a scene. But even if you are just beginning, it is good to pay attention to your instincts and to write down a few notes after a scene.
For example, a single kinkster that I interact with periodically tends to get very woozy and light-headed after a scene. She will have trouble speaking full sentences and doing simple things like putting shoes on or zipping up her dress. She can not be counted on to clean the play area right after a scene.
I, as well as her other play partners understands this, and we will always make sure to sit her down safely while we tidy up, and then take her by the hand and lead her to the aftercare area (For her, chocolate is always welcome, and we usually have some with us)
But as with most, her needs go beyond the few minutes after a scene. The day after, she tends to sleep more, and I can not do much more than watch TV. With this in mind, she will make sure that her day is free of heavy intellectual work, and will watch some silly movies or shows to watch. Also, being an admitted carb-o-holic, her go to is usually pasta and garlic bread during these times.
Keeping a kink journal is really helpful too, especially in one’s first few months. Note your feelings, your thoughts and your cravings. Share it with your play partners so they know what to expect and what to ask when they check on you.
Once you become aware of your post-scene symptoms and needs, you can prepare beforehand so you do not need to worry the day (or days) after playing. Queue up your favorite television shows or movies on the streaming app of your choice, buy the food supplies that you crave ahead of time, and try your best to not make any appointments. Make sure all the work you need to have done is finished which can be a great motivator for procrastinators out there (You know who you are) so you can have a guilt-free day off to recover.
-Be Kind to Yourself-
Let me make this absolutely clear…
Dropping after a scene does NOT indicate weakness.
It is the natural process of your body going back to its natural balance after an endorphin high. It naturally causes feelings of sadness, depression, disconnection and longing.
You need to be kind to yourself and just let the process take its course. Phone your play partner or a kink-friendly friend if you feel overwhelmed. Good play partners will check on you for a day or two after a scene, but sometimes that may be impossible…Such as pick-up for example. Having a friend around to chat and check on you is a good precaution.
-Single Does Not Mean Alone-
Again…Being single does not mean you have to deal with your post-scene drop alone or unassisted. Sure, you have to take care of your own needs first, but there is always a community to reach out to if things get a bit rough. Play partners, kinky friends or even just a BDSM forum where you can write a note and express your feelings can help you deal with the feelings you get after an intense scene.
