Fetish Sex, Kink and D/s BDSM are oftentimes the most vilified, feared and misunderstood dimension of our sexual nature. For centuries, culture, religion, morality, and family, have tried to nullify all but the most rudimentary dimensions of our sexual nature, and project their own superstition and fear onto anything that deviates from their narrow view.
This has driven many people with lifelong or recently discovered Fetish desires, to suppress, hide, or deny the truth of this critically important dimension of their personality. Our culture offers very few safe places for someone to discuss and learn about how to safely explore this aspect of their desire, or get reliable sex advice. The culture at large would like you to simply…not be that way! This is similar to the inane thinking about gays and lesbians, before they finally organized and fought for their civil rights to be who they were sexually, starting just 60 years ago. Fetish Sexuality is just beginning this journey to be accepted, honored, respected “normalized”!
Your sexual desire, whatever it looks like, no matter how dark, perverse or taboo, is an authentic and integral part of who you are. It is core to your nature. It is core to your psyche, and ultimately your physical, emotional and spiritual health. It is your truth! Your sexual desires, from sacred to profane, deserve to be honored, encouraged, understood, and safely expressed. And this expression is meant to occur in a safe, conscious, responsible manner with another consenting and consciously engaged adult partner.
Fetish, which can include kink, D/s, BDSM and a wide array of alternative sexuality, is a valid sexual orientation, similar to gay or lesbian orientation. It is innate, inherent, and it does not go away.
It is yours for life. You cannot disown it. It does not need to be fixed or extracted, though many push it down into shadow, where it may leak out in disturbing, risky, dangerous or compulsive behaviors. Human Eros, of every sort, is simply irrepressible!
Your sexual truth, like any other aspect of who you authentically are, will not damage you nor those you consciously engage with.
What is damaging and traumatic are the outdated cultural, moral, social, political, legal and religious codes that are intended to make us feel afraid, ashamed, immoral, criminal, pathological, sick, disgusting or dangerous about our sexuality.
These traumas, shamings and harsh internalized moral judgments inflicted on us as we grew up, have gotten tangled up with our natural sexual desires. This has left many people frozen, and unable to express their innate desires joyfully, without simultaneously feeling guilty, ashamed or afraid of their own desires.
This can leave them feeling stuck psychologically, emotionally and sexually, shut down or disconnected.
The key to coming to terms with who we are in the world of kink is to learn how to express and experience our desires safely, honorably and consciously, in a way that is in integrity with the agreements we make with ourselves and others, and that encompass our core values.
We must also compassionately examine and resolve the unconscious but powerful negative cultural messages we’ve internalized about our sexuality and ourselves. That is why this is both an empowering and healing journey.
