“Use your words.” she stood across the bed from Him. she made a fist and dug her thumbnail into her palm until it hurt. It felt…GLORIOUS. But it wasn’t enough. He stood completely still, eyes locked on her. He glanced at her hand. “Still nothing, huh?” His face changed. Was that…a frown? “Humble.” she immediately assumed the position. “You were told to use your words and you stood there looking all confused.” she heard Him leave the room. Alone, she resisted the urge to spiral. Speak up! you know better! you DESERVE to be alone in here! He came back in after what seemed like a few minutes. “Let’s try this AGAIN, baby. Use. Your. Words. NOW.” The air was chilly in the room. Was the window open? That doesn’t matter! Speak up!!! “May she speak, Signore?” her voice trembled. she felt Him. “Yes she may speak. Nadu.” she adjusted her position, inhaled, exhaled and said, “she needs a tune up, Signore.” He chuckled. “Was that so difficult? I got you, baby.” her heart fluttered. her cheeks got warm. And the rest of her body was tingling in anticipation. FINALLY!!! she thought to herself. After the week she had, she truly needed this!
Life happens, Y/y’all.This is true, indeed. Work, family, Y/you name it…it can get hectic. Mediating a family squabble when W/we have scheduled tasks. Y/y’all know how it goes. It would be perfect if all W/we had to do is serve; but E/everyone isn’t able. So we get pulled in a million different directions. Sometimes submissives can spend so much time and energy caring for O/others outside of our dynamic(s) that we struggle to take care of ourselves and stay focused on our service and submission. And of course, that affects us deeply.
this girl will share a little secret about herself with Y/y’all. she has an itch that only HE can masterfully scratch. she needs to feel each lash of the flogger as it hits her, each stinging strike of His hand, each hard thud of the heavy paddle. she is aching to feel the pain pound through every cell in her body each time His implement strikes her flesh. she has a strong desire to feel the pain; she craves it. Yes, she will suffer; and she’ll enjoy every glorious moment of that suffering. she is sure it would be hard for O/others to tell that she is enjoying the suffering. It probably looks like she is in agony. But what Y/you cannot see is…she yearns to feel the pain for its own sake. Well…there you have it. The classic overshare lol. The FLYGOD has helped this girl explore this and she is eternally grateful for His patience, guidance and Dominance. she knows she is definitely not the only one who experiences this. It becomes such a strong desire that we might become distracted and lose focus. Some of us will act out to get satisfaction; others will ask for it. Some Dominants use one particular tool to shift a submissive’s focus back to where it should be so we can serve them to the best of our ability. That tool is Maintenance. The most often used official definition of Maintenance is as follows:
main·te·nance
/ˈmānt(ə)nəns,
noun
- the process of maintaining or preserving someone or something, or the state of being maintained.
All relationships need some form of Maintenance to keep the flame burning hot. Think of the relationship like a vehicle. When all the parts are functioning well, the vehicle has a much smoother ride. If not, the vehicle may make loud noises, sputter, shake or even stop functioning altogether. When W/we are aware of these things, W/we can take steps to prevent them or at least repair the damage. Vanillas might surprise each other with a gift, share a candlelit dinner, meet each other at the door in just undies or even naked. Whatever will bring things back on track and get O/our vehichle(s) back on the road again.
Dominant/submissive dynamics need Maintenance as well. Yes…routine is a major aspect of O/our Thing but that isn’t always possible. Vehicles can suddenly need repair, right? And knowing when to “take a look under the hood” and decide which tools can be used during Maintenance is an important skill.
There are literally a thousand different ideas, but it is really up to each individual to discuss, negotiate and decide how to maintain O/our dynamic(s). No one else can know exactly what will be specifically effective for anyone else. Y/y’all know how W/we’re always shaking O/our fists in the air, talking about how every dynamic is different, right? Well Maintenance is definitive proof that O/our Thing is vast and varied. Take an objective look at what’s going on, then get creative.
There are many types of Maintenance that are successful. And when W/we don’t know which one is the right one, Vetting will help with that. So, here W/we are…ready for Maintenance. What will it consist of for Y/you? Impact? Bondage? Dinner and a movie while plugged? Getting banged like you stole something? A bubble bath? Stuffie Party? Degradation? Forced Orgasms? Bottom line…W/we must do whatever W/we need to get O/our vehicles(s) back on the road and continue O/our journey, right? Okay…done with the “vehicle” analogy. Hang in there!
Y/y’all should know what comes next by now lol. Time for The Pillars!
*COMMUNICATION. Submissives, if you’d rather act out/hint around/etc when you need Maintenance, be clear about that during Vetting. If you prefer regularly scheduled Maintenance, say that. Dominants, if You prefer that submissives ask for it, say that. If you enjoy the acting out/get that “Act Right” scenario, let it be known. Bottom line is ask the question, “How can I help you remain focused and conent with your choice to be here?” And submissives, be prepared to have this discussion. Like most things, life happens and we evolve. So Maintenance may need to be adjusted to meet O/our evolving needs. So this is a topic that will need to be revisited often.
*HONESTY. Absolutely necessary. How can ANY of U/us truly be happy without being honest about O/our need for Maintenance? Don’t drop the ball by being dishonest or manipulative. And don’t be too proud to make it known that it’s time for a look “under the hood.”
*RESPECT. Well…during Vetting W/we learn a lot about each other. And if W/we discover some thoughts, actions, emotions that will affect our ability or willingness to be committed and focused, W/we must respect each other enough to make it known. Trying to be tough does more harm than good. Vulnerability earns respect, Y/y’all. And if W/we don’t respect each other…Maintenance won’t help U/us grow stronger. Also, W/we must respect O/ourselves enough to be vulnerable and brave enough to provide and receive Maintenance with gratitude and consideration.
*TRUST. When submissives have faith that our needs will be met, we feel seen and heard. When we feel seen and heard, we feel safe. When we feel safe, we become stronger. When we become stronger, we may even end up needing less and less Maintenance. Imagine that. When Dominants have faith that They are providing Maintenance when needed and it is effective, They feel appreciated. When They feel appreciated, they feel fulfilled. And if Their submissive(s) need less Maintenance, They consider it a reward for the trust between Them and Their submissive(s). submissives, trust the Dominant(s) to give us the Maintenance we need to function effectively. Dominants, trust Your submissive(s) to function better after Maintenance. Also, sometimes submissives may be on “Auto Pilot” and with everything else going on in our lives we may not even be aware that we are not “functioning” properly. So have that conversation. It builds trust.
Every Dynamic has many moving parts that must function properly at all times. And when a little work is needed to get things back on track, it deserves O/our best effort. Hope that made sense. Thank you for reading.
~His Duchess
