How many of Y/you have seen the movie “Backdraft?” The firefighters had a motto whenever one of them was about to fall and the others grabbed them and held on. They would say, “You go…WE GO!” That has stuck with this girl all these years. To be so committed to someone that you would risk it all to save them. To hold onto them and give them hope. To remind them that they are not alone and their life matters to you. AMAZING. Some see that as Mutually Assured Destruction; this girl sees it as Mutually Assured DEVOTION. It’s all about perspective, y’all. When you are devoted to each other, Y/you both/all learn, grow, stumble, regroup, evolve, win, fail, love…T/together. W/we all know that would make O/our lives more fulfilling, right? Well, while this is the ideal, it is certainly not the reality. In reality, people let U/us down. Some will betray and pervert O/our trust. Some will manipulate U/us. Some will damage U/us. Some will destroy U/us. But, they ALL TEACH U/us. W/we see it every day…those of U/us who are openly searching and/or professing O/our desire for a mate. But how many of U/us do the same when it comes to friendship and/or support? this girl began her journey before Facebook so millions of strangers missed all those shenanigans lol. But not to say she hasn’t stumbled and struggled the entire way; even as she writes this lol. But then she remembers…after one particularly horrific battle with frenzy following a humiliating experience, she got the advice that changed her trajectory. “You weren’t ready to handle this yet. Fall back, regroup and reconnect with your soul. Get a Support System you can trust. Examine how you got here. Learn from it.” Of course, this girl thanked them, then promptly ignored their ass lol. BUT after a few more weeks of disastrous scenes and interactions, this girl was in the tub, listening to Sade, sobbing, sipping wine, and it hit her. This. Has. To. Stop. So how does she, hell, any of U/us avoid this or bounce back from it? One way is to start O/our search within.
“Fall back.” Easier said than done! Because this girl craved, ached for Impact; to lose herself in agony and ecstasy. And barely cared how she got it. But was the risk to her mentally, emotionally and physically worth it? she knew she had to stop. So, she got quiet. Stopped seeking. Resisted the urge to announce what she thought she wanted and focused on her needs instead.
“Regroup.” What the hell? How does that help with the urges and desires? Well…it helps to regain focus for what comes next.
“Reconnect with your soul.” Okay…this one she wasn’t ready for. Still struggles with. Listening to that inner voice of reason. O/our conscience. It is unique to all of U/us. It can be a whisper or a shout. Either way, when O/our soul speaks to us, W/we must listen.
“Get a support system you can trust.” This is a big one. this girl hasn’t always had one during her journey. When Y/you encounter someone whose knowledge, energy, everything intrigues you platonically, observe them. Learn from them. Reach out to them. Get to know them. Build trust. Share experiences and expectations. Ask questions. Establish boundaries and limits. Being a good friend/confidante/guide is a lost art of sorts. Be what you need, if that makes sense. Before you know it, you will have a tribe!
“Examine how you got here.” THIS ONE…Hurt. That self assessment W/we all dread. Looking within U/us. Discovering who W/we were, who we are now and who W/we strive to become. W/we all require loyalty; but are W/we loyal to O/ourselves? W/we all desire communication; but can W/we communicate effectively? W/we must dig deep and discover why W/we gravitated towards BDSM in the first place.
“Learn from it.” O/our Thing is about exploration and fulfillment of needs and desires while maximizing pleasure and managing risk. A mouthful, right? But much easier to navigate when W/we educate O/ourselves. It is much easier to reach a destination when W/we know how to get there. Lessons learned can help U/us and O/others along the way. Sharing what W/we are comfortable with putting out there with others. It could save someone else’s life or spare them from a setback. Or even better…we can help set someone else up for success instead of failure.
So, tell that funny Dungeon memory. Talk about the scene that went haywire lol. Share Y/your Lessons Learned; the good, the bad and the ugly. Seek a Mentor/Guide/Teacher/Kindred Spirit. Reach out to those Y/you feel a connection to. Build Y/your Tribe! O/our Thing isn’t designed for U/us to be closed off from others; it’s all about being part of a Community we feel safe, secure and comfortable in.
Bottom line… when W/we have those who see U/us lose O/our grip when the bottom crumbles beneath O/our feet and they reach out and grab a hold of U/us, W/we hang on to each other because if W/we go…W/we ALL GO. If W/we learn…W/we ALL learn. Together. Let’s make the ideal more real, Y/y’all.
~His Duchess
