‘Sup, Y/y’all! Who’s familiar with “Words have power?” this girl is fairly certain that W/we all have heard it or even said it before. But in what context? To some folks that phrase has more significance than it does to others. Words DEFINITELY have power, Y/y’all. So let’s look at how powerful some words and phrases can be.
“I’m so proud of you.”
5 words that W/we all have heard or said before, hopefully with pure intentions. These words can instill pride in someone or validate their effort. But most importantly in O/our Thing these words can transform a submissive. Why, Y/you may ask? After a difficult Task is completed, after a scene is done, after service is rendered or even just because, it can warm a submissive’s heart, ease our minds, restore our resolve, strengthen us, keep us focused and humbled. Remind us of who we are and why are where we are. this girl strives to make The FLYGOD proud of her. But those words can also mean just as much to the left side of the slash who says them. There are always the ones who loudly proclaim, “I don’t need to hear that they are proud of me!” Good for you. But this girl is willing to bet that if their Dom/mes expressed disappointment their asses would feel that. This is about how what is said affects how folks feel. Submissives, ask yourselves…what does your Dom/me(s) say to you that warms your soul? Dom/mes…how do You know when Your submissive(s) need to hear those words? Words truly do matter to folks. Whether W/we are always aware or not. And for some of U/us they can build U/us up or destroy U/us. So render kindness, love, discipline, encouragement, etc with mindfulness, Y/y’all.
Now…let’s focus on internal dialogue for a bit, shall we? The things we say to O/ourselves that have a tremendous influence on U/us that others cannot hear but can be affected by.
“I want a relationship/dynamic like that!” Okay, cool! Let’s talk about something for a second. Many of U/us see a dynamic/relationship that W/we wish W/we had. But the reality is, while W/we may view it as ideal, it is probably far from ideal. There are probably moments of disappointment. There are probably moments of mistrust. There are probably moments where feelings of inadequacy creep in. There is probably anger, frustration, all the ugly things. When a house is built, W/we look at it in awe sometimes and may even remark about how beautiful it is and may even dream about living in it. But W/we rarely think about the person who may have been injured putting up the foundation. The countless hours spent designing it. The energy it took to find the perfect materials. The care used to make sure the tools worked properly. The reality is …the life W/we all seek to achieve requires effort, consistency, pain, devotion, lots of patience and time. W/we all must understand and accept that even the ugly parts of the journey contain hidden beauty. So next time W/we say to O/ourselves, “I want that!” Keep all of this in mind.
Let’s break down another common phrase used in conversations and/or internal dialogue.
“I can’t do this anymore.” Five words that can change O/our lives. But exactly how thay change O/our lives is completely up to U/us. Firstly…what does “I can’t do this anymore” really mean?
“I.” W/we are taking ownership and stating the following thoughts, emotions or actions W/we convey are about U/us and U/us alone.
“Cannot.” This means being unable, but not unwilling, to do something. Sounds more like a statement than a declaration to some people.
“Do.” Performing an action, whatever it may be.
“This.” A specific thing, whatever it may be. But even though it is specific, wouldn’t it help others understand U/us better if we simply told T/them what the actual thing is?
“Anymore.” Beyond this present time. So at one time it was good but somehow it has changed and W/we are entering a new phase or stage.
Have Y/you said or thought this sentence before? Under what circumstances? W/we sometimes see a challenge or problem arise and for whatever reason W/we simply say, “I cannot do this anymore.” But by simply saying this, can anyone help U/us? Or do T/they need more details? It isn’t always crystal clear what “this” is, Y/y’all.
By communicating what truly troubles or threatens O/our submission or Dominance clearly W/we are able to get the guidance and/or closure needed to move forward in O/our journey.
And after a conversation with the ones W/we trust W/we can really decide if W/we can or cannot do whatever it is anymore.
“I trust Y/you.” While this one may seem self explanatory, let’s break it down anyway. What does it take for Y/you to say this to someone? Does trust come easily to Y/you? Well, this girl only says it when T/they create a safe place for her. T/they provide peace in her life. And how does it feel when someone says this to Y/you? Think about that for a moment.
The key is to use O/our words in a clear concise way that will open the door for productive dialogue. After decades of believing that yelling, quietness, hiding and burying thoughts and feelings was helping her, this girl does not argue anymore. It clearly wasn’t working for her.
*PSSST……And let’s never forget that the left side of the slash is usually very deliberate and measured in words, thoughts, speech and actions.
The Four Pillars of BDSM are Honesty, Trust, Respect and Communication. Ideally, the words we choose with O/others as well as internal dialogue should always embody these. Easier said than done. FACT. But it gets easier the more W/we do it.
this girl said ALL of this to remind herself and O/others that in this Social Media heavy world, words have even more influence in O/our lives. So, let’s all choose and use O/our words carefully.
~His Duchess
