*Special thanks to Blazing Unicorn (They/Them) and their bottom, Panda Scare (They/Them) for assistance and clarification with this article.
Girls wear pink, boys wear blue…Period. After all, that is it and nothing more.
Unfortunately, this is the archaic and erroneous mindset some people have when it comes down to what gender is and should be even though the concept of gender is something that exists not in objective reality, but as a result of human interaction which varies depending on the region, philosophy, country and time itself.
It exists because humans agree that it exists.
In other words, gender roles are in fact, made up.
Granted, sometimes sex can be a component of gender but not always. Even if it is conceived as primarily male or female, that is also incorrect. In fact, many believe that there are anywhere between six and fifty-six types of human genders;
Male
Female
Trans
Gender Outlaw
Non-binary
Genderfluid
And these are the first six that popped into my mind as I am writing this.
In a sense, when it comes to discussing gender or sex, nothing is truly binary.
Gender expression is a way of showing us who we are and can be a great asset when it come to exploring one’s own sexuality.
When it comes to BDSM scenes, one may find that there are a multitude of ways in how gender can be added to kink…Which can broaden your kinky pleasures.
For most of us, consensual control within the power exchange, is the heart of BDSM. If you put the physical aspects on the back burner, the giving and taking of power can often be expressed by adopting a persona…The stern and stoic Master, the devious and provocative Mistress, the meek and humble submissive, the eager to please sexual service slave…Using gender as a component to these personas can in a sense, amplify what is already present in the dynamic.
Let us say for example that you want to enhance your domination but you find it difficult to wrap your mind around how to make this happen. Creating a dominant personality can be a challenge.
For some, it may feel impossible.
So instead of creating something out of thin air, why not use your own gender expression cranked up to ten?
For example,
If you feel comfortable as male identified, collect styles and affectations that you consider ultra masculine. This could be anything from using an accent to the clothes you wear.
Think of it improv or better yet…Motivational acting. Get into the head of your new male self. What is their name? What is their voice like? What do they like to eat and drink? What do they wear? What kind of D-Type would they be? Is he a bit of Sean Connory’s Bond mixed with a dose of Lawrence Fishburne’s Morpheus, (The Matrix series) poured into a tall, refreshing glass of Gerald Butler’s King Leonidas (300)?
If being female is more to your liking, you can follow that path as well. Try picking up and trying on all kinds of styles and forms to discover what may or may not work for your personal kinks…Perhaps Anjelica Huston’s Mortica Addams (Addams Family) stirred in with a splash of Gal Gadot’s Diana of Themyscira (Wonder Woman) and garnished with Charlize Theron’s Lorraine Broughton (Atomic Blonde)?
As you can tell, a great way to do research different gender archetypes is to use media. Take some time to dissect and examine your favorite characters, adding parts of them to your own kink persona.
Of course, one side cannot exist without the other…Meaning just as you can amplify strengths, you can do the same with submissiveness. Again, the key is to try put various forms to see what is a good fit for you.
Disclaimer:
Use caution about this new persona you create…Not in the act of creation, but being able to emotionally pull yourself out of it.
Because of this, it is highly recommended to work with your partner when you go on this gender play voyage to set up some clear and safe guidelines for aftercare and recovery.
Age play can be a big part of this type of gender experimentation. By consciously going back to a more innocent state, the sensations, especially the emotional impact of everything going, can be magnified.
Once again, this is where safety is critical as this kind of play can also accidentally trigger subconscious childhood traumas. So always play smart and, most of all, play safe.
Another angle to submission and gender is to force it in contrary ways as a form of humiliation play. By making a male identified person wear female clothes or a female-identified playmate dress in male garments, the D-Type can use their discomfort and shame as an erotic tool.
It must be noted that this should only ever be done with clear consent and with unobstructed lines of communication. This type of plan can summon powerful emotional forces and should never be done without knowing as much as possible about the person you are engaged with.
To reiterate what was said at the beginning of this article, gender is not now nor has never been binary. So, when you want to try your hand at new forms, try not to be hemmed in by what anyone else says you should be.
Perhaps your D-Type side wears a mini-skirt, combat boots, sports pink hair, and a glitter enhanced goatee…Perhaps your s-type self wears a 50s style bra, a polyester polka-dot dress and a mohawk. The same thing is true about your personality…Why not try a bit of Mary Poppins with a dose of Hannibal Lecter?
If it works then it works…More power to you.
And if it does not work, try something else. The sky is literally the limit when it comes to gender play possibilities.
Many, many moons ago, during our more primitive days, when being aware of our surroundings literally meant life or death, we developed patterns to cope with our daily lives which carried on into the modern era…It is all leftover survival instincts.
Gender is the same way. For the longest time, we did not see it as unclear or vague… We limited it depending on our culture or overly biased upbringing. Yet, part of evolving is becoming more and more comfortable with ambiguity and in giving up the illusion that the universe must be either black or white.
At the core of gender expression lies respect and empathy…To see others as who they are, who they want to be, who they need to be, and let go of the toxicity that says your way is the only way.
So become yourself…Whoever you deem that is and treat others with the same level of respect, acceptance and love as you would like others to show you. Be it in the play space as well as everywhere else.
