Okay…so who likes puzzles? this girl certainly does! Yet some puzzles give her the blues lol. Like the ones you ALMOST have figured out but the final pieces prove to be a challenge that frustrates the hell out of us lol. Enough about that for now lol.
So…It’s been a hectic week, y’all. this girl has been absorbing knowledge from some very wise and experienced people for a while now. They reminded her about some things today that caused her to scrap her other article and start this one from scratch. The Elders were discussing Virtues and Values in relationships. And of course, this girl started to see the relevance to Our Thing. In her head, a puzzle was forming.
First set of pieces…the definitions.
VIRTUE: 1. Conformity to a standard of right : morality. a particular moral excellence. 2. a beneficial quality or power of a thing. 3. a commendable quality or trait; merit.
VALUE. the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.
Next group of pieces…A few of the Virtues and Values and how they relate to BDSM:
*Empathy for others. Having compassion for others helps everyone grow and learn. Empathy is critical because without it, it may cause a loss of trust and respect. Communication could shut down.
*Desire to learn. This is a journey with twists, turns, barriers, etc…without gaining and sharing knowledge the journey becomes even more challenging and frustrating. Expand your horizons constantly. Explore other aspects of Our Thing. Read. Attend seminars, Dungeons, etc. Observe. Listen. Ask questions. Journal.
*Concern for safety. Our Thing involves activities that can literally cause physical, emotional and mental harm. Being aware of this and being mindful of it in every interaction is import to everyone. Vetting and Negotiation helps with this. Being honest about our limits, fears and traumas will help keep us all safe.
*Honesty and integrity. Honesty is one of the Four Pillars Of BDSM. Integrity goes hand in hand. If a person’s integrity is in question, respect for them and anything they say or do will be severely affected. So tell the truth and strive to always be above reproach.
*Investment in the community. A lot of us may choose to do our own thing and others may not live close to an active community. Regardless of what we choose, there are ways we can still do our part. It could be as simple as mentoring, being active online in the platform of our choice, even encouraging others. A simple conversation with someone about a resource can go along way.
*Sense of humor and an willingness to laugh at oneself. Whewww…the potential and reality of shenanigans and giggles in Our Thing is real, y’all. It could be as simple as a meme, a funny memory, an engaging, amusing exchange, etc. Just try to have fun and see the humor wherever it may bubble up. Everyone appreciates and respects authenticity, right?
*Flexibility. Well…not just physically. We must be willing to adapt and adjust. For example…kneeling is one of this girl’s favorite things; but sometimes it just isn’t possible for her. So she adjusts instead. Keep an open mind and have several options available for situations we find ourselves in. Keep lines of Communication open so that adjustments can be made whenever necessary.
*Listening and communication skills. When people take the time to tell us something, we have ONE JOB…listen to them. When people are looking to us for guidance, support, etc we have ONE JOB…talk to them. Process everything. Ask questions as well as be prepared to answer them. It goes both ways. There will always be times when we all must either talk or listen. Sharpening these skills will help everyone we interact with.
*Self knowledge. Self Assessment, Self Evaluation, Self Correction…some things we must do often. Without knowing who we are, what we need, what our hopes, dreams, challenges, etc are…we can’t move forward. It helps us be honest and people respect those who know themselves.
Going even deeper, we can see how The Four Pillars fit in with these Virtues and Values like the four corner pieces of a simple puzzle. Though we know it’s not always simple, is it? We may try fitting pieces in the wrong places due to frenzy, burnout, loss, etc. But if we take a step away for a bit, regroup and then give it another try we may have more success. And out of our triumph, we can share what we learned with others and help them solve their puzzles as well.
Thanks for reading.
~ His Duchess
