Under the Umbrella
Last week we discussed Discipline, the importance it serves in a BDSM dynamic, and some of the parts that help in establishing and maintaining discipline. While discussing this I made mention of Dominants and submissives, which are both common roles each partner takes on in a BDSM based dynamic. The next couple of weeks we’ll be taking a look at those roles, and hod they work within the dynamic.
This week we’ll be starting with a look at Domination, establishing dominance, and maintainging balance. There are certain things all Dominants must learn that will assist in these goals, and many things they need to consider throughout the process of play or living the lifestyle (BDSM). Today we’re going to have a general overview of some of the key elements involved such as:
–Dominant Responsibility
-Consent vs. Abuse
-Boundaries and Limitations
-Aftercare/Debriefing
-Planning Scenes
-Contracts
Now some of these could very easily be lumped together, but for the sake of discussion I’m going to give them their own bullet points. These are all key things that Dominants need to consider, and submissives should know about to avoid potentially dangerous situations. There are many philosophies that come with their own acronyms, an example being SSC (Safe Sane and Consensual) which is among the oldest and pretty self-explanatory. We won’t be going into detail on these today but they are relative to the discussion, so they will be discussed in greater detail at a later date.
Dominant Responsibility – This is a very broad topic and can cover a lot of things, so we’re just going to summarize it for now. One of the primary responsibilities a Dominant takes, on is the training and safety of their submissive/s. They must ensure that they can create a secure environment, be sure the sub is given the knowledge on how best to serve them, and ensure their health and wellbeing. These responsibilities aren’t just subject to their sub, but also to ensure they maintain their own heath and mental stability. These few things alone can be daunting at times and that list goes on, but we’ll examine that in depth at a later point.
Consent vs. Abuse – Consent is a very important part of a BDSM lifestyle and a staple in the community for all BDSM practices. This means that everyone involved must consent to what is happening prior to any play, and that they should have a safe word in place or some other way to remove consent. It’s important to have established consent and respect when someone feels the need to stop, otherwise it becomes abuse. A Dominant must understand that even in circumstances where the submissive is objectified, they are still a human being and should be treated as such.
Boundaries and Limitations – These are important to establish in any dynamic, and a Dominant should make sure that they understand and respect them. Everyone has their physical, mental, and emotional limitations, even if they’re not sure what they are. Part of maintaining a healthy dynamic is to discover what those limitations are and respect them, and the same goes for boundaries. Boundaries are something we put in place for our own safety and security, and some submissives may have difficulty standing up and expressing them. This is another time when a Dominant should take the initiative, by creating a safe space for the sub to express what they will and will not do.
Aftercare/Debriefing – After a scene is over a Dominant should ensure that proper aftercare is in place, and address the needs of the sub to avoid them feeling less than human or falling into subdrop. The Dominant should also consider anything else that may be needed like first aid, to treat any wounds or other injuries. There are many aspects of BDSM play that can be rough or very difficult to process, so a debriefing to discuss everything that happened is always a good idea.
Planning Scenes – Planning scenes in some way is always a responsible practice, to be sure that everyone knows what to expect. This is where boundaries and limitations can be set, things can be consented to, and in many cases expectations can be discussed based on wants and needs. It’s usually the Dominants responsibility to plan and direct a scene as it progresses, though newer practices can often find the submissive assisting. There are also some circumstances where a submissive may be charged to plan or help exacute a scene for a less experienced sub.
Contracts – Contracts aren’t a widely common practice aside from the verbal sort, but in some more extreme cases they are necessary. They are more common in M/s (Master/slave) dynamics, or instances where the Dominant wouldn’t ask for consent every time. When someone establishes ‘free use’ or blanket consent in a dynamic, contracts are a good idea so the boundaries and limitations are in place before removing the ability to decline consent. This can also be used for CNC (Consensual Non Consent) kinks, and all of these will be discussed in detail at a later date.
These are just some general aspects of what is required to establish and maintain Dominance in a BDSM dynamic, but it also takes a considerable amount of confidence and fortitude. Dominance can make someone feel superhuman at times, but we are still human. This is why selfcare and aftercare are commonly stressed among Dominants, less they burn out and enter a Domdrop.
As we continue moving forward, there will be many more terms that you may not know or understand. With some time they will all be explained in detail, to broaden your horizons and help folx understand what kink lifestyles are all about, and that involves a considerable amount of integrity.
This is only the beginning of exploring Dominance, and there will be much more to come. Next week we’ll be taking a general look at submission, which I did require a little help from submissives on where my focus should be, lol. Have a great week, have fun and play safe, folx!
