Okay… So this girl was halfway through writing an article, took a break and saw a beautiful post on Instagram so now…new topic! Anyway,the post was a snippet from a heavy Impact scene. The bottom was bent over a bench, hands bound, gagged and blindfolded. Some refer to this as a Sensory Play Trinity lol. The Top was striking and surveying them, checking in, at an appropriate distance while striking as well as having perfect form. It. Was. GLORIOUS. And then came the comments. Some were supportive, encouraging, respectful and kind. But the majority were, well…
*”If you’re going to film yourself, at least get ur nails done sis!”
*”Dude needs a gym membership!”
*”Looks like they’re in somebody’s living room!”
*”That chick needs more clothes on!”
*”I’d never have posted this, bruh”
*”50 shades of section 8🤣🤣🤣”
Y/y’all…with all due respect…O/our Thing is the subject of curiosity, scorn, judgment, envy and disrespect by many who either don’t understand or have preconceptions about what BDSM “should look like.” Well, guess what…IT. ISN’T. PERFECT. EVER.
Every time W/we turn around folks ask for/demand/beg for/offer to buy/expect videos and pictures of scenes. To some, these are very intense, intimate, private moments where people are vulnerable, exposed and engaged, whether they enjoy being watched or not. They are not always staged. Even demonstrations are all of the things mentioned above. People are inviting others into their experiences during very special and intimate moments in their lives. So NO, boo boo…E/everyone may not have time and or money to get a full set, hot stone pedicure, order 25 bomb outfits online, get a fresh cut and brand new hairdo each time W/we do what W/we do. Some may not have beautifully decorated space or a dungeon available to U/us. Some may not have a film crew backing U/us up. So adjustments are required. Some of U/us make O/our own tools and furniture. Dynamics are often self-contained while others exist as part of a Communal and/or Familial system. And in both instances, W/we all have O/our own structure in place. So…W/we are not required to explain to random people online or even in person why W/we don’t look Vogue cover or Hollywood production ready at all times. Life is hectic enough without placing more on O/our plates for the sake of popularity and/or notoriety. Bottom line…if Y/you are not personally invested/involved in someone’s dynamic(s), your opinions about it are irrelevant AF. And that begs the question…if Y/your opinions don’t matter, why even bother to put them out there in the first place, fam?
this girl has news for Y/y’all…there is no unanimously recognized Rules Book that governs BDSM. However, there ARE several guides, books, videos, presentations, etc that are all created through someone’s perspective and experience. All of these are Gospel to some and balderdash to others depending on many factors that are unique to each of U/us. This is why there is often so much heated debate about various aspects of O/our Thing. In the end, most of U/us cling to what is relatable to U/us and discard the rest. We flock to those W/we feel connected to and keep moving. Buuuut as W/we evolve along the journey that often changes. But O/our Core Values don’t.
Speaking of Core Values…what are Y/yours? It is important that W/we know what they are because they are the driving force behind everything that makes U/us who W/we are. The answer to the “Why do things affect me that way?” question. Okay, back to BDSM.
“There is no spoon.” Often W/we find O/ourselves thinking that someone else’s role/dynamic isn’t real or correct because of what W/we believe to be true. W/we lose sight of the fact that O/our opinions can’t change BDSM for E/everyone else because W/we don’t have control over E/everyone else. W/we can only change O/ourselves and O/our perceptions of BDSM. So, follow tradition, be innovative, progressive, fearless; after all, O/our journey is personal and unique. So…as long as W/we all do whatever W/we do SAFELY, anything W/we can think of is possible.
Said ALL of that to say this…stop looking out the window and look in the mirror because THAT is where Y/your happiness is found, Y/y’all.
~ His Duchess
