Hey Matthias, why even consider bondage safety?
Bondage plays the same role in sex as extreme sports do in athletics. Both go beyond the mainstream, pushing limits past the comfort level of the general populace. Both thrive on the adrenaline rush of feeling at risk and the lure of acting unconventional. And both are viewed as just a bit too wild or dangerous for “normal” people…Many of whom secretly wish that they could be just a bit wilder themselves so that they could participate.
If you decide to play an extreme sport, you take steps to make sure you do so in as safe a manner as possible, right? The same is true if you decide to practice bondage…While the risks to life and limb do not rise to the level of extreme sports, it is nonetheless wise to make sure you practice it safely.
With that said, allow me to go over some general practices for bondage safety:
-Engage in Bondage With Someone you Know/Trust
Remember: Bondage involves one participant surrendering control to another. The control is usually physical, involving ropes or various types of restraints and may include also entail mental elements of Dominance and submission as well.
Does it make sense to give control of yourself or your body to a stranger?
Hmm…Probably not.
Only allow yourself to be bound by someone you know you can trust a d has your best interests at heart.
That being said, some people tend to hear the “Siren’s call” from the idea of giving control to someone they do not know. Now, if this is something you are into, take a moment to step back and look at the risks for yourself and people depending on you and take as many safety precautions as you can.
This could be having someone you know and trust present or a safety call of someone who knows where you are and with whom.
-Use the Other C-word…Communication
You have heard me say it before…Communication entails listening as well as talking. Listen especially closely if you are playing the role of a D-Type and use your eyes as well as your ears to listen.
Watch for signs of pleasure and enjoyment in your s-type…Furthermore, be alert for signs of displeasure or discomfort. Observing your s-type’s breathing is a great indicator for how much further you can go. Check on them by asking for a scale or pause-word (Such as the “Yellow” traffic light reference) If you think that the s-type is not having enjoying themselves.
Consequently, if you are playing the submissive role, be sure to tell the D-Type if you do not like like something. Always remember that you still have a voice…Do not feel obligated to put up with any activity that you are not enjoying.
Communicate any limits you want to set in advance, and repeat on the spot if necessary, so that the D-Type will know and can work within them…Also, be sure to have a safe word in place so that both you the D-Type can use.
Here is another tip…
Make sure that if you the s-type cannot communicate verbally (Like having either a rope or ball gag inserted in your mouth) that you both agree to have physical safeword in place…Such as rapid eye blinking, tapping their index finger or perhaps dropping an object that one could hold in their hand to indicate that they wish the scene to end and are unable to verbally used the safe word.
*finger snap*
Also, please be mindful that verbal communication might not just be hindered by gags. Some people have trouble talking when they are getting panicky and are unable to say their safeword for reasons of anxiety and other instances.
-Never, Ever Leave Your Partner Alone
Things can happen…You know it, I know it. There are a multitude of things that can happen to a physically constrained person…Going into worried, elderly parent mode here but what is there is a fire? If you are not there to help free the s-type they will not be able to free themselves. Ball gags are notorious for the potential of breathing problems, and it is also possible for the restraints themselves to cause issues for the bound party. Therefore, be sure to never leave the s-type alone if they are bound.
Note: Always have a pair of surgical scissors handy to cut rope or some other device that you know for sure (as in you actually tested it) will cut the restraints.
Furthermore: Although I love my blades, I would err on the side of caution in using knives…Especially if you are a beginner. In the heat of the moment, one may actually do more harm than good.
-Know Your Basic Anatomy
I am not trying to scare you but believe it or not, you can seriously injure a person if you are doing bondage wrong. You can tie of circulation, damage nerves, muscles and joints and worse. Just make sure you have some basic understanding of how to tie safely a knot.
As a beginner, I urge you to never experiment with neck bondage. If you want to incorporate restraining the neck, chose a collar that is suitable for BDSM play, such as a well padded one that allows at least one finger to fit between the neck and the collar.
-If Things Are Not Going Well…Stop
The goal in bondage is for both participants to enjoy themselves. If someone is not enjoying themselves, you are doing it wrong.
Stop the scene.
Remove the restraints.
Perhaps you went too far, too fast.
Perhaps you have found an activity that the s-type truly does not enjoy.
In either case, free whoever is bound, and then have a conversation to understand what went wrong and how to correct it in the future.
These bondage safety practices apply across all types of bondage scenarios and activities. Following them will help get you started in the right general direction towards a safer and happier bondage experience. However, there is much more to learn and discover if you like to bring bondage into your dynamic.
