foun·da·tion
/founˈdāSH(ə)n/
(noun)
an underlying basis or principle.
Heyyy, y’all! E/every one of U/us can agree that O/our Thing has evolved through the years. What W/we can NOT seem to agree on is if all of the changes are good ones or not lol. So let’s take a look at a few things that will NEVER change, shall W/we? this girl was taught some “Essential Guidelines of BDSM” during her training and they remain VERY important in her journey.
- Be Self Aware. This means knowledge of self. Y/you should know what Y/your basic needs, intentions, limitations, etc are. What side (maybe even both) of the slash You are on. Be prepared to ask as well as answer questions. ALWAYS be willing to learn. Education is a major component of O/our Thing because safety is critical. So is doing constant Self Assessment and always being willing and able to process everything W/we experience.
- Be HONEST. This one would seem self explanatory! But some of U/us still operate under the assumption that deceit and manipulation are perfectly fine. Nah, boo boo…lying Y/your way in and/or out of Dynamics affects ALL of U/us. If word gets out that someone is not to be trusted, some will retreat. Others might join the “BS Train” and decide that dishonesty works for them. O/others might explore why T/they or the other folks chose dishonesty and deceit; which leads back to increasing knowledge of self. Bottom line…be honest. Demand honesty from E/everyone in Y/your orbit. That strengthens the entire community.
- Don’t touch someone else’s property without permission; whether it be a toy, tool or person. E V E R . It will end badly.
- Be Respectful. Another self explanatory one, right? Yeah, not so much. So often there are folks who move throughout their Communities like bulls in a China shop; without regard for anything but themselves. T/they approach folks with no respect for T/their dynamics. They are rude, condescending, judgey, shamey, stubborn, negative, abrasive, arrogant, ignorant to name a few. And T/their lack of respect for anyone or anything can become a roadblock to the growth of O/others. O/our Thing can be difficult enough to navigate already; add in a disrespectful person and Chaos is the result. Of course, if W/we take the time to educate and redirect T/them, E/everyone will learn and grow from it. That is the ideal but not often the reality.
- Consent is Critical. This is because BDSM play often pushes more personal boundaries and involves play that may be uncomfortable, painful or even dangerous. More detail about this will be in a subsequent post. Stay tuned.
- Without trust, nothing meaningful happens. Building trust takes time. The amount of time varies due to, well, life. W/we all have different perspectives, personalities, experiences and expectations. How do W/we build trust? Be honest. Honor O/our commitments. Admit when W/we are wrong. Communicate effectively. Be vulnerable. Be helpful. Show people that W/we care. Be present.
- Talk, Dangit! Being mysterious and elusive is sometimes considered intriguing. But not when W/we are trying to get to know people and/or learn. Communication is essential. W/we need to be willing and able to tell O/others about O/ourselves. W/we need to be able to convey O/our thoughts and emotions. Give and receive feedback. Teach, learn and grow. How many of U/us know what type of communication style W/we use in certain situations? A few things to ponder as we navigate through O/our journeys.
- NEVER STOP LEARNING. EVER. There is so much going on in O/our Thing that there is not one person who knows EVERYTHING. So W/we must keep researching and educating O/ourselves always.
- Don’t be an A-hole. Be kind, considerate, approachable and authentic. Don’t demean, shame, humilate and/or judge A/anyone unless it’s their Kink.
- Take Y/your journey seriously. No matter how Y/you do whatever Y/you do, be prepared, safe, knowledgeable and realistic. Be an example to O/others.
Wayyyy back then, this girl was thinking, “It doesn’t matter what others think!” And to an extent that is true. However sometimes W/we cannot control who is watching U/us. Especially if W/we are active in O/our Communities. this girl was and is still reminded of another essential thing….Mindfulness. Mindful of the fact that while all of these essentials are applicable in every aspect of O/our lives, they are even more important in O/our Thing. this girl is grateful for the Pillars of BDSM (Respect, Honesty, Trust and Communication) being clearly broken down for her before she was even allowed to “get her hands dirty” so to speak. Because once she did…it “hit different.”
Bottom line…while O/our Thing evolves and changes, it helps if W/we all have a foundation of essential guidelines that W/we take along with U/us on O/our journeys to keep us grounded and focused, right?
~ His Duchess
