slave Archives - Free the Kink https://freethekink.com/tag/slave/ Thu, 22 Dec 2022 17:06:43 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.6.2 https://freethekink.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/cropped-Free-the-Kink_4-32x32.png slave Archives - Free the Kink https://freethekink.com/tag/slave/ 32 32 “The Leap” https://freethekink.com/the-leap/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-leap https://freethekink.com/the-leap/#respond Wed, 01 Dec 2021 00:33:00 +0000 https://freethekink.com/?p=1098 she took a deep breath and gathered herself. It was time. she had to. But then the doubts and fears crept in. What will happen? Will this change everything? Maybe it will change how He feels. And then…she took another deep and recited in her head, “Respect. Communication. Trust. Honesty.” Then she felt ready. Yes…she’s...

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she took a deep breath and gathered herself. It was time. she had to. But then the doubts and fears crept in. What will happen? Will this change everything? Maybe it will change how He feels. And then…she took another deep and recited in her head, “Respect. Communication. Trust. Honesty.” Then she felt ready. Yes…she’s ready. “Confession, Sir.” He quietly,  and more importantly, simply responded, “Si.” And with His calm, inviting, trustful response, she felt safe. she felt seen. she felt grateful for Him. He had given her the courage to be absolutely honest with Him. she exhaled and continued while He listened.

Heyyyy, y’all! If W/we want to authentically connect with each other, there needs to be a commitment to consistent Respect, Communication, Trust and Honesty. Please indulge this girl as she talks about Honesty for a bit.

And yes…this girl knows how some of Y/y’all feel reading that.  Some of Y/y’all may hear this and want to cringe. Many people think that being honest all the time is like an open invitation for trouble. But is it, though?

If done properly, transparency will release pent-up resentments and create fulfilling, deeply committed, intimate and drama-light (keeping it real!) dynamics.

Even the most honest people are not always completely honest with T/their Dominant(s) or submissive(s). That’s because many of U/us have learned how to hide O/our feelings in order to keep the peace or reinforce old, limiting beliefs. But in order to create an authentic and transparent dynamic, those automatic responses that serve to hide emotions must be unlearned.

Still with this girl? Good.

It helps to know what the barriers to absolute honesty are. (And that it’s not Y/your fault if Y/you learned to hide Y/your feelings in order to survive!) Recognize what stops Y/you from being open and give Y/yourself permission to let it go.

Some things that get in the way of absolute honesty are:

1) Y/you are trying to uphold a certain image in T/their eyes.Y/you fear the truth will ruin Y/your “reputation” so to speak.

2) Y/your original connection with each other was founded on the withholding of truth. This could mean hiding vulnerabilities, desires or even betrayals. In these cases, hiding the truth becomes a force of habit which outweighs the desire to be truly seen.

3) Y/you’re afraid of Y/your partner’s reaction.T/they may not like it, and Y/you fear T/they will withdraw or even leave. Or Y/you may fear how T/they will interpret whatever Y/you share with T/them.

Listen…the fear many of U/us carries inside U/us is much easier to let go of once W/we understand that all W/we can do is share O/our truth and W/we are not responsible for what O/others do with that information.

And more importantly, there are ways to be honest that greatly helps U/us connect with O/our Dominant(s) or submissive(s).

Being transparent and vulnerable is a way of being truly honest about O/ourselves. Sharing what’s happening inside U/us builds intimacy and trust in O/our dynamic(s). W/we could be hiding fear, anger, sadness, resentment, insecurity. W/we. Must. Let. It. Out. So. W/we. Can. Move. Forward.  In fact, at the deepest level, absolute honesty is rarely about anything else.

And that’s because intimacy and honesty is not about telling O/our Dominant(s) or submissive (s)  what W/we think of T/them. It’s about sharing observations about O/ourselves without blame, judgement or projection.

This requires vigilantly avoiding “Y/you statements” or any arguable interpretations. Anytime W/we speculate about T/their intentions or make judgments, W/we are heading into dangerous territory.

W/we may ask: “But what if there is something really bothering M/me about T/them?” In this case, W/we should share O/our observations with T/them. But W/we MUST relinquish control over the outcome and accept that T/they may not agree. However, if W/we focus on O/our own reactions, W/we are much more likely to be heard because W/we avoid putting T/them in a position to feel like T/they have to defend T/themselves.

Being absolutely honest with each other takes a commitment to owning O/our interpretations and assumptions rather than identifying with them,  and sharing observations about emotions. Remember, it is NOT an attempt to analyze or confront.

If this sounds tough, remember that committing to this is a game changer! Being truthful clears resentments, builds emotional connection, and allows U/us to be fully seen. It frees U/us for growth. It strengthens U/us as individuals as well as within O/our dynamic(s). And that is the whole point of healthy authentic relationships!

Remember….
In order to truly live out a commitment to absolute honesty W/we have to keep these three guidelines in mind at all times:

1) Whenever  W/we are upset, unsettled, disconnected, or blocking closeness with O/our Dominant(s) or submissive(s), focus on how W/we feel (not what W/we think). The key here is finding emotion words, not interpretations or assumptions. It helps to remember that it almost always comes down to only a few things: fear, sadness, anger, disappointment, insecurity.

2) After W/we have identified the emotion, W/we must try O/our damndest to ONLY share it as an observation about O/ourselves! For example: “When Y/you X, I noticed that I felt Y and I’m struggling with that now.” If W/we must share an interpretation, do it from the place of observation, not identification or indictment.  So rather than “Y/You totally disrespected me,” say “I interpreted what Y/you did as disrespect, and then I felt angry.” See the difference? The latter is much more difficult to argue with.

3) W/we should NEVER try to control how T/they respond. If T/they aren’t sure how to respond, or if W/we feel misunderstood, remember that by committing to these steps W/we are being honest and brave. W/we can feel confident that W/we have not “started any problems.” O/our partner’s reaction is about T/them , not U/us. Sometimes when one person makes a change, the O/other needs time to absorb this new way of being. But the vast majority of the time, honesty results in greater connection and intimacy right away.

If W/we follow these three rules, the blaming/judging aspects of O/our dynamic(s)will fade away and all the energy W/we spent trying to hide and even bury pieces of O/ourselves is now free to focus on building intimacy and strengthening each O/other!

Still here? Splendid!!!

And let’s not forgot the other side of the coin. When receiving this type of information W/we must listen and process it without judgment! Be approachable. If it will make this type of conversation easier, set up a specific protocol for it, such as time of day, location, words/phrases to use, duration, check on comprehension, follow up, etc. After all, O/our Thing often thrives on Protocol and structure, right? Sometimes a Joint Journal does the trick. One writes their feelings. The other reads them then writes a response. Then the follow up or check in can be a face to face conversation because by then E/everyone has all the information needed to come to a resolution. The key is respecting each other’s feelings, communicating effectively with each other, trusting each other to receive what’s being said without judgement and always being honest.

Almost done!

By the way…Even if O/our Dominant (s) or submissive (s) are not as invested in this commitment, if just one of U/us follows these, W/we will create inevitable positive changes in O/ourselves; even if that means the dynamic(s) may have to change or even end. Such is life, Y/y’all.

Bonus: This can be applied to any other interpersonal relationships W/we have as well!!!

It always comes back to The Pillars for this girl…Respect. Communication. Trust. Honesty.

this girl wholeheartedly appreciates Y/your time.

~His Duchess

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So, you’re really 24/7? Really? https://freethekink.com/so-youre-really-24-7-really/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=so-youre-really-24-7-really https://freethekink.com/so-youre-really-24-7-really/#respond Wed, 08 Sep 2021 04:22:00 +0000 https://freethekink.com/?p=753 We hear the term 24/7 all the time in the lifestyle, I myself say it every day. But is there really any such thing? That would mean that life never gets in the way and that vanilla never comes into play. So, what exactly does 24/7 mean? Well if you take it literally, it means...

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We hear the term 24/7 all the time in the lifestyle, I myself say it every day. But is there really any such thing? That would mean that life never gets in the way and that vanilla never comes into play. So, what exactly does 24/7 mean? Well if you take it literally, it means that the individuals that are involved in the dynamic are bound by the protocols of that dynamic 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It means that the protocols come before everything else in life. Now we all know that while that sounds like a perfect world, none of us actually live in a perfect world. And at the end of the day we are also all human and prone to making tons of mistakes, as well as allowing our emotions to sometimes get the best of us. A couple personal examples; As a Master to my slave, the kinky smurf, I strive to be levelheaded when dealing with her. However, I can be a hothead from time to time to say the least. So, when I lose my temper and act in a way that is not honorable according to my definition, I technically have broken my own protocols that I have set for myself. Or how about when I give my slave an order and she makes that disgusted face, you know those kinds that drive you nuts. Even though she will absolutely do as asked, her emotions got the better of her because it was something she didn’t want to do in the first place. However, it is written in our protocols that she serves with grace, and I don’t know how you look at things, but a shitty face is not serving with grace. But she is still only human, and emotions are a real part of her and all of our daily lives. And is hiding those emotions really the right move? I don’t think so.

So, with that being said and the millions of other examples that could be shared, is there really anyone who lives a real 24/7 dynamic LS? My answer is a loudly shouted YES…

See living 24/7 is in the striving to live by a set of mutually agreed upon and beneficial protocols. It’s the journey that makes the dynamic special. Always trying to be better for each other and to fulfill the bonds of your agreements to each other. Nowhere in life is perfection expected or even thought of as possible. So why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect in our dynamics? Why do we not give ourselves and our partners the understanding that no one and nothing is perfect? Does that come from a place of trying to prove ourselves to the community? Does it come from a place and desire to be the perfect Dom or sub? I don’t know the why’s, but I do know that putting that kind of pressure on each other will only end in massive disappointment and most likely a doomed dynamic.

So yes, 24/7 exists and all that means is that we live 24 hours a day, 7 days a week trying to be a better version of ourselves for both us and our partner. It means we do our best to live within the confines of our consensually and mutually agreed upon covenants and that we are focused on self and team growth every day.

Enjoy this journey folks and remember that it is not always so easy and/or cut and dry.

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In Position Part 3: Admittance of Error/Coming Clean https://freethekink.com/in-position-part-3-admittance-of-error-coming-clean/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=in-position-part-3-admittance-of-error-coming-clean https://freethekink.com/in-position-part-3-admittance-of-error-coming-clean/#respond Tue, 29 Jun 2021 23:35:00 +0000 https://freethekink.com/?p=713 Part Three of a Ten part Series Greetings to all you wonderful readers out there. Today I hope to inspire the mind by continuing on Positioning of a slave/sub. We have already experienced the commands of kneeling and in service. Last week we spoke about the How-to’s of s-type positioning when one is incapable due...

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Part Three of a Ten part Series

Greetings to all you wonderful readers out there. Today I hope to inspire the mind by continuing on Positioning of a slave/sub. We have already experienced the commands of kneeling and in service. Last week we spoke about the How-to’s of s-type positioning when one is incapable due to illness, disability, or age and how to keep it beautiful. A lot of us are entering that period and there is a negative mindset that we get during this time. My hopes is that the article helped get over some of that “bad bondage” mindset.

Today, due to popular demand, I will be addressing positioning of correction and discipline. But first, I’ll introduce you to 3 positions a s-type can take in order to ask for forgiveness, or when they have messed up and need to admit to their transgressions. These are powerful positions. These positions are to be used to Admit to a wrongdoing, beg for forgiveness, and accept the punishment and correction and re-learn a discipline.

But before introduction to these 3 positions, I want to discuss the mindset a s-type has when they have to admit to a failure or wrongdoing. For some of them, to admit to failing is easy. Admit to it, ask for clarification, apologize, take the punishment, and move on. No worse for wear. Lesson learned, off to better and grander things. But also, alas, for some s-types, to admit that they failed their Owner/ D-type, or even to make themselves admit to something maybe they intentionally did but now have to come clean about, is very hard and darn near impossible. No one likes to “D word” the one in charge. That D word is so strong, I decline to write it out in its entirety for I have seen people triggered when presented with that word. That word is not to be used lightly as it can harm in a way that cannot be returned from. So, this is why positions to admit errors are important. They allow the s-type to take position without having to come up with the words yet. The position speaks to the D-type, and informs them something important has taken place without the s-type saying a single word. This starts the communication. This is the point of no return. Conversation has to happen now. Be brave, we will get through this together.

So when words come hard, but the urge, desire, need to speak up about our accident, this is what the positions of forgiveness are for. So let us view them shall we?

Karta or First Obeisance: A simple position of slave obeisance.

Kneeling, the palms of your hands on the ground, then your head to the ground, bending forwards. This is not a Gorean position, but has been a common position of obedience for centuries. This position shows total and absolute giving over of ones self.
In this position, the s-type begins in the kneeling position (Nadu or Tower). They then lower their head to the floor and place the palms of the hands on the floor at the sides of their head. They can then, if permitted, raise their head slightly and move a bit forward, maintaining the position in order to lick and kiss the feet of their Master or D-type, doing it softly, lingeringly and lovingly.

Second Obeisance

This position is also sometimes referred as “belly” because in fact the slave lies on their belly. It can be considered as a continuation of the 1st Obeisance Position, from which the s-type extends themselves lying on the floor with their legs spread and the hands at the sides of their head. After reaching this position, the slave may (if their Master wishes/allows) “crawl on their belly” to the feet of the Master in order to kiss and lick them.

The differences being, one is crawling on hands and knees while the other is literally crawling on ones belly. Both are acceptable.

One alternative belly position (but not to be confused with 2nd Obeisance Position) is for the s-type to lie on their stomach with their hands at their sides and the palms of their hands facing upwards; their head is often turned to the left and/or legs spread.
The command “bara” is similar but only in the fact that the s-type lies on the floor, because it differs totally in the positioning of the hands and legs.

There is a fourth position that I have come across. Once, long ago, my House boy came to me after he messed up. He walked towards me, head lowered then dropped down to all fours facing with me his head down. He then spoke to me through his tears telling me what had happened and how he had failed me in the task he was given. This is called ” to table” not to be confused with a table command , which is entirely different and for entirely different reasons. Mostly to eat and drink off of, or to rest ones feet upon.

This was his way of what was important to him to share with me. His way of asking, err begging for forgiveness.

What we do is way more important than what we say. Our actions show and share so much more than any words could. Use these positions the next time you want to show your obesiance to your D-type. Take the position. Beg for forgiveness. Learn from your mistakes , and then move on from this error. There is much more to life then that of dwelling on something that has already been forgiven.

Remember, once the correction or punishment is given, it’s washed down the river. It shall not be brought up again unless a habit forms of this same mistake. Then, it is up to the D-type to figure out the best way to have you no longer fail, but to succeed. After all, I would rather live with a happy, bouncy, joyous slave, than a depressed sad one.

I wish you the best on your journey and My hopes are that you learn a little, take a little, leave a little and apply what you learned to your own dynamic.

Best of luck on your paths.

Loved you even before I knew you.

Yours in Leather, (YIL)

Castar Daemon

Part Four of our Ten part series will be the “Love and Fun” positions. Look for this next article in the upcoming week.

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In Position Part 2: Disabilities in Service https://freethekink.com/in-position-part-2-disabilities-in-service/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=in-position-part-2-disabilities-in-service https://freethekink.com/in-position-part-2-disabilities-in-service/#respond Thu, 10 Jun 2021 22:58:00 +0000 https://freethekink.com/?p=705 Welcome back to our second installment of submissive and slave positioning. Today we are going to talk about, “what to do when we are disabled, elderly or handicapped and cannot do certain positions any longer.” Well, don’t you worry, Master Daemon has the answers for you. Sidenote- Yes I just referred to myself in third...

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Welcome back to our second installment of submissive and slave positioning. Today we are going to talk about, “what to do when we are disabled, elderly or handicapped and cannot do certain positions any longer.” Well, don’t you worry, Master Daemon has the answers for you. Sidenote- Yes I just referred to myself in third person…. sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. -lol-

To begin, let us first take a look at the most important avenue to slave positioning… The Mindset.  

Too often, we as humans, think about what we should be doing, what it should look like to others, what our own limitations are and how due to being prideful, not accepting of them. These are all natural ways we deal with the advancing of age. Society has created the importance of “The Look”, and we are ever chasing such. I think it’s because we believe if we ever reach it, there is some sort of reward or nirvana at the end of this.. Guess what? There isnt.
Mind blown right? But, How can I say this? I say it because it’s truth. The truth doesn’t need anything more than just being. The truth can stand alone. The truth cannot be washed or wished away. The truth is as strong as steel and Mordor cannot destroy it like a simple ring.  Ahh yes, I am a bit of a nerd.. but I digress..

Let us continue on point. The biggest question I have ever gotten about this topic is, ” What do I do when I can no longer kneel?”  Kneeling is a very big way to show submission, obeisance, reverence to ones Master or Owner. Perhaps the biggest; well that’s socially acceptable anyways. So, here are a few things that I’ve come across, or come up with to help with this conundrum.

  1. Kneeling benches- The kneeling bench is padded, soft on the knees and takes roughly 75% of all pressure and pain out of ones legs, and puts it on the bench that one is sitting on. This is a great piece of furniture that should be in everyone’s repertoire and arsenal for use. The kneeling bench is lightweight and comes in many different adjustable heights. I highly recommend this for people of any age. Wearing flowing silks even covers the bench from view , so it appears the slave is kneeling unassisted. Also covering the bench with a light fur or blanket, will hide its existence. Magic of slaves.. who knew?
  2. Footstool or Ottoman- Can sit upon either, as then the slave is still sitting “below” the Master or Owner to show reverence and their submission. The rule of thumb is, as long as the one serving is a heads height below the one being served, the service is acceptable. For those people that think differently? I’d challenge your argument, as a slaves place is beneath her Master. In all ways. If the slave wants differently? Perhaps a more productive introspection is needed.
  3. Sitting “criss cross applesauce” or the “Gorean Freeperson seat”- Sitting on ground, or furs, or silks, or pillows with legs crossed, as most of us probably did as a child, is a great way to still be in a position of service. Also, this is a great position to look up at your Master with those eagerly begging slave eyes…  . .. give me a minute; how I love those eyes…
    Let’s continue!
  4. A normal sized bar stool- Yes, even this position, sitting on a stool, is an acceptable form of service positioning. The slave’s head is still below their Masters.. all is good… (I apologize to the very vertically challenged Masters.. You matter also!)

So, as you can see, all are acceptable ways to still be in service. Also, most of those positions still allow the slave to wrap themselves around the Master’s legs.. which we all love.
I know how much that position does and means to a slave and Master.  We don’t want to miss out on this.. ever.

In conclusion, I’ll say this. No matter what age, disability, handicap, injury we may or may not have, we can always find ways to offer service to the ones we love. We just need to think “outside the cage”, and come up with ways to still show ones dedication to another. I’m sure, if we all dropped what our ego thinks is right, and do what our heart tells us to do, we will find a balance of beauty in individual and as a couple. Try it out. Think with the heart. I promise you, everything will be as right as rain.

“Loved you before I even knew you.”

Yil,
Castar Daemon
Caste of Slavers

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In Position Part 1: In Service https://freethekink.com/in-position-part-1-in-service/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=in-position-part-1-in-service https://freethekink.com/in-position-part-1-in-service/#respond Tue, 01 Jun 2021 22:55:00 +0000 https://freethekink.com/?p=703 Over the next ten weeks, we shall be going over various parts of service and positioning of the submissive and slave. My hope is with this knowledge, you find more beauty in your dynamic, and honor to one another. To offer and accept service are two different things; and we shall be going over both...

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Over the next ten weeks, we shall be going over various parts of service and positioning of the submissive and slave. My hope is with this knowledge, you find more beauty in your dynamic, and honor to one another. To offer and accept service are two different things; and we shall be going over both as such. Join us in this journey to finding beauty in the world. For now, let us begin this new path together.

One of the many things those of us that are into Power Exchange relationships, or as I like to call it, Authority Exchange Dynamics, is the beauty of ones service to their Dominant. Service comes in many shapes and sizes, but regardless of the service type, most submissives that I know, do it out of love, and show their service from their heart. Now, does this mean there are exchanges that do not involve the heart? Yes, actually, it does. There are many ways to be in service without loving your Dominant, and many ways to accept service without loving your submissive. But, today, we are going to discuss a few things that transcends all forms of service; something that we all enjoy seeing, watching and smiling at… “The Positions of Service. “

There are many different avenues that teach many different positions of the submissive. One example is the Leather slave positions. Another is the Gorean slave positions. Yet another, is the common submissive positions. I’m sure there are many others from different countries that even have more, or adjusted positions for their Houses or families. To each their own. There is no right or wrong way to hold these positions. The importance lies with the Dominant as to whether he/she/they finds joy in the positioning of their charge or not. Ultimately, at the end of the day, when the candles burn low, this is all about beauty and pleasure. Whatever is deemed beautiful, pleasurable, and desirable is what’s important. With that said however, there are certain positions that mean certain things IF one is to go into a party with like-minded people. There are universal positions that speak to people that are able to hear and see them. Today we are going to discuss 2 different positions that will be required of the Gorean slave if they are ever at a Gorean’s House or event. These positions tell everyone in the room exactly what you are and where in the night you may be. The first position, the most common, is named “Tower”.

Tower- In wait for service

The slave kneels, only things are kept modestly together, palms are down on their thighs. Chest out, shoulders back, back straight, head and eyes down. Hair, if braided should be worn on the right side. Slaves are not available for use in service when in this position. One always kneels before a Freewoman (a non s type woman), in Tower unless told to do so otherwise. We do this to show respect, as a Freewoman may or may not wish to see the “treasure” between ones thighs.

Nadu- Also called the Position of the Pleasure slave

slaves seeing their Master snap their fingers, point to a place, turn their hand and spread index and second finger pointing down, have been commanded to Nadu and should move to the place pointed to.

This is another beginning position. A slave will also spend most of their time in this position.

Kneeling, head held high, eyes lowered, knees spread wide open, shoulder kept back, keeping the back straight, chest thrust outward. Hands lie on the thighs, fingers together, palms facing upwards, slightly cupped.

Sometimes per Master’s choice, hands are crossed behind the back.

The hands are faced upward to show a silent way of expressing need, helplessness and a desire to please. It is a silent signal of a slave’s desire for their Master.

Every aspect of this position means something. Do not overlook the importance of knowing the “Whys” of each aspect. We can tell whether you understand the meaning behind the position, or if you are just putting on a veneer. Trust us Old Masters. We always know.

So, as you can see , in just two positions, there is much we can learn. To quiet the slave or submissive’s mind and allow the position to wash over them, to beat in their heart. The pride of the Master or Dominant in seeing their charge in their beauty artistry of these positions. The pride in the submissive or slave to know they have been found pleasing to the ones that mean the most to them.

If you would like, I give you Homework to practice these two positions. Practice at home in front of a mirror. Practice at home in front of your Dominant. Practice over a webcam to your LDR Dom. Whichever works best for you. Try to figure out the whys when you see yourself. Think about it. Learn your body. Discover, discover, discover!

I wish for you the best of luck, love, happiness, and wholeness in your path, and always remember to Quiet the Mind, and you shall feel your being. Use your being to discover yourself.

I loved you before I even knew you.

Yil,

Castar Daemon
Caste of Slavers

Part two shall be , “What do we do when we are older, or have a disability and cannot physically do these positions?” Don’t you fret. I have the answers you are seeking. 🙂

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Thoughts Regarding Service https://freethekink.com/thoughts-regarding-service/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=thoughts-regarding-service https://freethekink.com/thoughts-regarding-service/#respond Thu, 27 May 2021 23:07:22 +0000 https://freethekink.com/?p=618 Service is an important part of most D/s and M/s relationships. The term “service” can be applied to both sides of these relationships, but this discussion will be limited to the more obvious service rendered by the bottom, submissive or slave. Disclaimer: I will also be using the terms Master and slave as well as...

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Service is an important part of most D/s and M/s relationships. The term “service” can be applied to both sides of these relationships, but this discussion will be limited to the more obvious service rendered by the bottom, submissive or slave.

Disclaimer: I will also be using the terms Master and slave as well as He/His for the Master and she/her as the slave for convenience purposes. So please insert your own identity tag where necessary.

There are two viewpoints held by those seeking service.

Result oriented – These Masters do not care how it gets done, so long as the result is pleasing. They will give their slaves an order and expect it to be completed within the prescribed time, but give the slave discretion regarding the details.

Task oriented (often called micro-management) – These Masters will give explicit instructions on how to carry out the steps necessary to complete the task and are very interested in compliance about the process. For these Masters, attitude is often more important than skill. They want to see obedience more than they want efficiency.

Neither position is wrong, nor is it necessary for one Master to hold to the same viewpoint consistently. At times, micromanagement may be used as a training tool…Not so much about the task, but about the slave’s attitude toward service.

This brings up another important distinction:

Compliance vs Obedience

Compliance – Acquiescence passive assent or agreement without protest

Obedience – The condition of being obedient

Yes, that second definition can be viewed as a bit of a circular reference, but pay attention to the distinction.

Compliance is yielding to the authority of another. It does not say anything about the condition of the heart. You can comply fully with an order you fully disagree with. It is all about action.

Obedience, on the other hand, is about the condition of the heart and mind. To be acceptably obedient to many Masters, you must align your will with Theirs. For these Masters, compliance is not enough.

They want obedience.

A mentor of mine, Master Sebastian calls this the Directed Response Gap. He defines it as the time between when the slave hears the order and when she makes the Master’s desire her own. Obviously, there will always be a gap. The slave will think things like, “is that really the best way to do this?” or “but there’s not time” or “is Master thinking this through?”

It is perfectly acceptable (in most cases) for a slave to ask for clarity, bring ideas, suggest alternatives, or otherwise relay information that the Master might not have considered. But in the end, the order still must be obeyed. Spending a lot of time questioning the order can be highly counter-productive and frustrating for both parties. The ideal is to move from compliance to obedience as quickly as possible.

It makes everyone’s life more pleasant.

Next, we have…

Reactive vs Proactive Service

Many have said that there are two basic styles of service:

Reactive – The slave does exactly what is asked and no more

Proactive – The slave does everything that is asked and learns to anticipate the Master’s needs, providing service that is not specifically directed.

The Master must decide which of these two models to which He expects His slave to conform.

Reactive service is desirable to a Master for whom control is most important. These Masters are often said to “micro-manage” their slaves, controlling them in much more specific ways than those who prefer proactive service.

For a Master that desires more general control, proactive (or anticipatory) service is preferable. He will generally give orders that begin with, “unless I order you otherwise….” so the slave knows His general preferences. If those desires change, He will issue a different order, but generally He expects things done a certain way and doesn’t want to have to specify every time. These Masters may or may not micro-manage those tasks, meaning that they may or may not set down specific steps to be taken in performing repetitive tasks.

Where we get into difficulty is when the Master desires “presumptive” service. This is often described as wanting a slave that can read the mind of the Master. In my opinion, this is setting the slave up for failure. No slave can mystically discern what Master will want. When this is successful, the reality is that the slave is deciding what Master wants. If this pleases the Master, it is not wrong – but it is certainly a shift in control.

For example:

In a restaurant, two Master/slave couples have dinner:

Reactive – The Master drives to the restaurant. The slave follows the Master into the restaurant. The Master chooses the table, orders for both from the menu (usually without the slave’s input), decides when the dinner is finished, pays the bill, and leaves with the slave dutifully following.

Proactive – The slave chauffeurs the Master to the restaurant, chooses a table, seats the Master, orders for the Master (because they have been previously schooled on His tastes), deals with the wait staff throughout the meal, pays the check and generally supervises every aspect of the dinner.

Neither model is wrong and often in most cases, are some combination of the two.

Which leads us to…

Expectations in Service

In our consensual framework, there is usually an expectation attached to service.

Service is conducted in one of three basic ways:

Transactional – service is exchanged for some benefit. This benefit may take many forms. In business, service is exchanged for money. In Top/bottom relationships, service may be exchanged for play. In D/s or M/s relationships (as much as we would like to deny it), service is often exchanged for security, attention, play, and a host of other things that meet the needs of the sub or slave. There is nothing wrong with this. The needs of both parties are being met and as long as both feels they are making an equitable exchange, it can be highly successful.

Devotional – We tend to think of religion when this word is used, and it is an accurate reference because those with a call to clergy or other religious service fit this definition…But it is also possible to serve a Master simply because you love or respect Him sufficiently that providing such service is reward enough. There is no payback from the Master, other than being who He is.

This type of service often manifests itself in short term situations where a slave has an opportunity to provide service to someone they admire, for a short period of time. The experience and ability to show gratitude for what they have received from this person in teaching or inspiration is benefit enough. In long term devotional service situations however, there usually needs to be significant caring on the part of the Master to the slave in order to sustain this type of devotion.

Positional – This type of service is rendered without significant regard for the object of the service. Those of you who have read the fictional “Marketplace” books can recall that the slaves were sold to anyone who had enough money to place a successful bid. The service was predicated upon the position of the slave within the marketplace and that slave served without regard to the identity of the Master who owned them.

Can this occur in real life? Yes, but only in limited circumstances. A slave might “sell” her services in an auction to benefit a charity or for the erotic appeal of the experience. A Master might “give away” His slave for a limited period of service. A slave often serves in a function or event in this manner. The idea of positional service is hot! However, in reality, slaves are people too and they normally need some fulfillment of their own needs in order to continue to serve. Situations where this need can be fulfilled by interchangeable Masters is probably quite rare.

And in conclusion…

A few additional notes about service:

When a slave has a hard time understanding the “why” of an order, especially when they can clearly see a more efficient way of carrying out the task, it is sometimes helpful to consider the Master’s motivation.

The Master may be training the slave to be obedient

The Master may be training a specific task that He wants done to His specification for reasons He may or may not choose to share with the slave

The Master may be optimizing the task for His own comfort or pleasure in a way that the slave may not immediately understand.

Examples:

a. Master may have a physical limitation that makes it beneficial to do a task less efficiently in order to shorten the duration of the task.

b. Master may enjoy doing a task in a less efficient manner because of some peripheral benefit that the slave may not see.

  The best answer for this type of dilemma is to communicate.

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The Daily Struggle https://freethekink.com/the-daily-struggle/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-daily-struggle https://freethekink.com/the-daily-struggle/#respond Tue, 04 May 2021 22:39:54 +0000 https://freethekink.com/?p=597 How to help guide and monitor ones S type  One of the very asked, yet hard to define questions about living a 24\7 dynamic are the “How-tos.” How to do this. How to do that. Et cetera,  et cetera,  you get the idea. For me, in my experience, through trial and error,  it is best...

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How to help guide and monitor ones S type 

One of the very asked, yet hard to define questions about living a 24\7 dynamic are the “How-tos.” How to do this. How to do that. Et cetera,  et cetera,  you get the idea. For me, in my experience, through trial and error,  it is best to write, in full detail,  exactly what one wishes to see. In writing,  the rules and protocols become real. They are now seen. They can be referenced. They are tangible on that piece of paper. There can be no confusion. I would dare to even say they are set in stone; but alas, although extremely important,  they are penned in ink.  However,  let us not use the invisible kind, but a strong and solid black or blue; you know,  the same colors that some of our pain sluts aka masochists enjoy to wear.  But I digress, let us continue. 

I have created a chart. I do so enjoy charts. They bring me happiness in being consistent. Whenever a question arises, reference the chart for clarification.  Simple. Easy. Efficient.  I do so like efficiency. 

This chart is a way, the way, that I run my daily monitoring of my s type. These are my daily expectations. This chart will give you, the new or old Doms and subs, a creative way to incorporate understanding and proper communication.  Use it as you wish. Adjust it for your own dynamic.  Id expect nothing less of you.  I do hope you enjoy. 

Master Daemons Rules of Daily Conduct 

Rule 1. Take care of Masters property. This means yourself. 

  • 1 A Eat and drink right according to diet. 
  • 1 B Exercise according to goals.
  • 1 C Take meds as prescribed 
  • 1 D Bathe and personal hygiene 

Rule 2. Report any change of status. 

  • 2 A Stay communicative. 
  • 2 B Emotional status: 
  • B 1 Sadness
  • B 2 Angry 
  • B 3 Loneliness
  • B 4 Scared
  • 2 C Mental status: 
  • C 1 Insecurity 
  • C 2 Confusion
  • C 3 Discomfort in Rules, Protocols
  • C 4 Thoughts that can cause resentment
  • 2 D Physical status: 
  • D 1 Illness or sicknesses
  • D 2 Accidents or falls
  • D 3 Blood, Breaks ,Sprains
  • D 4 Sudden health changes 

Rule 3 Personal Responsibility – Word

  • 3 A Lying is forbidden. 
  • 3 B Be open to receive instruction.
  • 3 C Be transparent, no matter the cost
  • 3 D Have candor. Speak in real truths. 

Rule 4 Personal Responsibility- Deed

  • 4 A Always keep ones word
  • 4 B Never cause harm to self or another
  • 4 C Always Walk your Talk.
  • 4 D Comport yourself with grace 

Rule 5 Forgiveness

  • 5 A Forgive yourself for mistakes once corrected.
  • 5 B Forgive others for trespasses against you, but learn from it so it doesn’t happen again.
  • B 1 DO NOT allow them to rent space in your head. 

Rule 6 Boundaries 

  • 6 A Set healthy, with love not a machete 
  • 6 B Maintain and adjust as deemed prudent 

Rule 7 Love

  • 7 A Love yourself unconditionally. 
  • 7 B Treat others you love genteelly. 
  • 7 C Love your world and treat with respect
  • 7 D Love your family fully w\o expectations
  • 7 E New love found, See Rule 2.

Add more as necessity demands. Add your own flair to reflect your own and unique dynamic. Have fun with this chart. Life is too short to drink cheap wine out of a box.  Love each day fully. 

After all, you are in one of the best dynamics to bring great happiness to your life. 

Enjoy it.

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