BDSM and Kink (Our Thing) can have a complex relationship with stress. For some of us, BDSM/Kink activities can be a source of stress relief and relaxation, while for others, it can be a source of stress and anxiety.

On the one hand, BDSM can provide a healthy outlet for stress relief by:

• Providing a sense of control and agency
• Offering a healthy escape or distraction from daily worries
• Releasing endorphins and other feel-good hormones through physical activity
• Fostering a sense of connection and intimacy with a partner

On the other hand, BDSM can also be a source of stress and anxiety due to:

• Fear of vulnerability and surrender
• Pressure to perform or meet expectations
• Concerns about safety and consent
• Fear of judgment or rejection

BDSM relationships can be incredibly fulfilling, but they also come with unique challenges. Managing stress is crucial to maintaining healthy and enjoyable dynamics. Let’s explore a few ways to manage stress in Our Thing. A good start is through communication, consent, and care.

Communication. (Duh!)
Effective communication is essential in any relationship, and even more so in BDSM and Kink. We need to discuss our desires, boundaries, and stress levels regularly. This includes:

• Active listening
• Expressing needs and concerns
• Clarifying expectations
• Discussing limits and safe words

Consent.

Consent is a cornerstone of BDSM and kink. Ensuring enthusiastic and ongoing consent can help reduce stress and anxiety. Remember:

• Consent is an ongoing process
• Consent can be withdrawn at any time
• Respect everyone’s boundaries

Care.

Caring for yourself and your partner is vital in managing stress. This includes:

• Prioritizing self-care
• Supporting your partner’s well-being
• Engaging in stress-reducing activities together
• Showing appreciation and gratitude

To manage stress related to BDSM/Kink, it’s essential that we:

• Communicate openly and honestly with everyone involved about our desires and boundaries
• Establish clear consent and safe words
• Prioritize self-care and stress management techniques, such as meditation or exercise
• Seek support from trusted friends, mentors, or supportive mental health professionals
• Schedule regular check-ins
• Practice mindfulness and presence
• Set realistic expectations
• Embrace flexibility and adaptability

Managing stress in a BDSM and Kink requires effort and dedication from everyone involved. Remember to be patient, understanding, and compassionate with each other. Our Thing should be a positive and enjoyable experience that enhances our well-being, rather than exacerbates stress. By prioritizing communication, consent, and care, we will harness the stress-relieving potential of Our Thing while minimizing its stress-inducing aspects.

Thanks for reading, y’all.

• His Duchess

The post Oh, The STRESS! appeared first on Free the Kink.

What Is Wax Play?

Wax play involves dripping warm (not scalding!) wax onto the skin for a combination of mild pain and pleasure. The sensation is intense, but with proper precautions, it’s a safe and sensual way to explore your kinky side. Plus, it’s a great excuse to stock up on sexy candles!

Start with Safety

Before you start your masterpiece, let’s make sure you don’t accidentally set the mood—or your partner—on fire.

• Use the Right Candles: Avoid regular candles, which burn too hot. Opt for candles made specifically for wax play (soy or paraffin wax burns at a lower temperature).
• Test the Wax: Drip some wax on your own skin (like your wrist) to gauge the heat. If it’s too hot for you, it’s too hot for your partner.
• Prep Your Space: Lay down towels or a plastic sheet. Wax can be fun to clean off skin—not so much off your carpet.
• Mind Sensitive Areas: Drip wax on fleshy, non-sensitive areas like the back or thighs. Avoid the face or genitals unless you’re highly experienced.
• Be Prepared: Always keep a burn cream handy for aftercare and a fire extinguisher nearby.

!Don’t forget to extinguish your flame every time and never leave a lit candle unattended!

Sexy Wax Play Tips

• Build the Anticipation: Blindfold your partner and let them hear the candlelight crackle. The suspense will heighten the experience.
• Test Drips: Start from a height of 18-24 inches to let the wax cool slightly before it lands
• Height Matters: The higher you hold the candle, the cooler the wax will be when it lands. Experiment to find the perfect distance.
• Layer Up: Try building layers of wax for an intensified sensation and a cool visual effect.
• Temperature Play: Alternate between hot wax and ice cubes for a thrilling contrast that will keep your partner guessing.
• Colored Wax: Use different colored wax to create patterns or write sexy messages on your partner’s skin. It’s like body art but kinkier!

Common Wax Play Mishaps (and How to Avoid Them)

• Wax Everywhere!
  Wax can splatter if you’re not careful. Drip slowly and steady your hand for precision.
• Oops, Too Hot!
  Test the wax first and start dripping from a height. If it’s still too hot, hold the candle even higher or let the wax cool slightly in a spoon before applying it.
• Sticky Mess
  Peeling wax can be satisfying but messy. Use coconut oil or baby oil to loosen stubborn bits from the skin.

Cleaning Up Like a Pro

Cooled wax on skin can be peeled off easily, but wax on fabrics or furniture is a different story. If you do have a spill:

• Harden the wax by placing ice on it.
• Gently scrape it off with a credit card or plastic tool.
• Use a fabric-safe cleaner to tackle any residue.

Pro Tip: Disposable sheets can make cleanup effortless.

Wax play is the perfect mix of sensual, sexy, and just a touch daring. Whether you’re crafting a work of art on your partner’s back or adding it to a sensual night of teasing, this activity offers endless opportunities for fun and connection. Just remember the key to a hot time is communication, consent, research and a sense of humor.

Thank you to our sponsor this month Adam & Eve. Their support allows us to continue producing as much free education as we can for FTK members.

Ready to create your next hot scene? Check out Adam & Eve, they are giving all FTK Members 50% off 1 item, free shipping in the US and Canada as well as free rush processing when you use promo code “KINK” *Some exclusions may apply.

The post The Playful Guide to Wax Play appeared first on Free the Kink.

R: “Okay, a few folx have questions for you. Thanks again for doing this! Ready?”

B: “READY! Let’s do it!”

R: “What is the best and worst thing about your journey as a submissive?”

B: “The best thing is being able to explore the freedom of submission! Sounds weird as hell, I suppose. I’ll slow down. When I say freedom, I mean being able to serve with pleasure! I’m not worried about what others think anymore. I went through a LOT to get here! I’m not afraid of being hurt mentally, physically or emotionally. I love that after a wild day at work, I can shut it all out and enjoy serving. The worst thing was actually finding the one who freed me! The hustlers out there are relentless; even more so now! Searching with DISCERNMENT instead of desperation is a life changer!!! I desperately wanted a Domme! Unfortunately, when their actions don’t align with their words, it’s the worst. You end up trying harder to please someone who only sees you as sucker. And that, well, SUCKS!”

R: “Discernment instead of desperation…LOVE IT!”

B: “Society has been set up in such a way that men feel entitled to, well, EVERYTHING and ANYTHING we want! And when we decide we want to be a submissive, we figure it should be as simple as saying it, and BOOM, we get a Domme! The LOUD voice in our head that says, ‘Okay, we know what we want now! Let’s find it NOW!!! Offer yourself and let the fun begin!’ becomes desperation. The desperation gets worse the longer we search. The TINY SOFT VOICE we ignore that says, “You don’t know SHIT about this woman! Ask questions, jackass!” is our discernment. The key is to use discernment instead of surrendering to the desperation and THAT is easier said than done!”

R: “Ooooh…you went there!!! That’s something EVERY submissive struggles with! However, for men it’s worse because of the entitlement.”

B: “Exactly! Hopefully that answers the question.”

R: “Next question…Are you okay with spending money as part of your submission?”

B: “These questions aren’t fucking around! I figured it was like this…both of us are sharing space and time with each other. Her time is valuable and limited. Her attention and energy are precious. Her knowledge and experience is essential. When all of those things were available to me in a safe environment, I am absolutely okay with spending money! When dealing with a professional it’s required. This isn’t Pretty Woman in reverse. Falling in love isn’t the norm. We meet each other where we meet each other. That means where we search directly affects what we find. If social media is your source, be VERY cautious.”

R: “Some GEMS right there! Thank you! Last question today…What’s the safest way to put yourself out there?”

B: “Can’t answer that one for anyone else. As you know, I was very reckless in the beginning. I ended up at that horrible place being mistreated. Thought it was normal, the way it worked, so to speak. Then Domina swooped in and protected me. Never felt safe in that space before her. It taught me that if it doesn’t feel right, RUN. It also helped me realize that I had to clearly say what I needed, and if they weren’t listening, get the hell out of there. I learned about “interviews” (vetting.) After that, I fell back and focused on being more confident. I learned all I could about who I was, what I was, and why. ESPECIALLY why. And any bdsm space I found myself in, I watched. I learned the rules. I learned about the people. I watched how the rookies were treated. I watched how the Dominants carried themselves, interacted with submissives and their peers. And then came YOU!”

R: “Look at you, sweet as candy! Thanks for the insight, Brian.”

B: “My pleasure! Thank you and FTK for giving us a voice and listening!”

The post The Conversation Continues appeared first on Free the Kink.

When it comes to relationships, deciphering what you need versus what you want can feel like a tug of war between your inner toddler and your adult self. On one hand, you might think, “I need my partner to bring me breakfast in bed every Sunday.” But do you really need that? Or do you just want to feel pampered, which, let’s be honest, could also be achieved with a hot coffee and a compliment? Let’s break it down and add some humor to this journey of self discovery because nothing says “I’m learning about myself” like laughing along the way.

Needs (The Non Negotiable’s)

Let’s start with the essentials. Your needs in a relationship are the foundational elements that keep it from crumbling faster than a cookie under pressure. These are the things that, if missing, make the relationship unsustainable. Think of needs as the relationship equivalent to air, water, and Wi-Fi. You simply cannot function without them. And for many, needs may change over time as we learn more about ourselves. I know my needs have changed over the last 20 years.

Some common relationship needs might include

Trust (because who can handle a relationship built on paranoia? Not you.)

Respect (you’re not a doormat, so why let someone treat you like one?)

Communication (because guesswork is for guessing games, not love.)

Emotional support (having someone who’s got your back when you’re feeling like life’s punching bag.)

If any of these are consistently absent, it’s not just a “want” unfulfilled, it’s a deep need that’s being ignored. Without meeting these needs, your relationship will start to resemble a house built on sand, ready to collapse at the first sign of a storm. And when that house goes down, it’s not going to be pretty.

Wants (The Icing on the Cake)

Wants, on the other hand, are the nice to haves, the things that would make the relationship sparkle like a perfectly wrapped gift but without them, it won’t unravel. Think of wants as the Netflix subscription of your relationship, nice to have but not essential for survival.

Some wants might include

A partner who can cook like Gordon Ramsay. (Yes, please, but takeout exists.)

Weekend getaways to exotic destinations. (Wouldn’t hurt but your couch and Netflix can provide just as much relaxation.)

Someone who texts back within 0.3 seconds. (It’s nice for the ego, but they could just be doing real life stuff like driving or saving a kitten from a tree.)

Wants add flavor and excitement to the relationship, but here’s the kicker, you won’t always get what you want. And that’s okay. Sometimes you have to ask yourself, “If I don’t get this, can I still be happy in this relationship?” If the answer is yes, then congratulations! You’ve identified a want.

Navigating the Not Getting What You Want Scenario

Now let’s dive into what happens when you don’t get what you want. In relationships, it’s like ordering a fancy meal and receiving a side salad instead. Disappointing? Sure. Worth ending things over? Probably not.
When faced with unmet wants, ask yourself,

Is this truly important? (Will the lack of breakfast in bed make or break my happiness?)

Can I compromise? (Maybe we settle for breakfast on the couch.)

Is it worth a conversation? (Some wants are worth communicating about if they affect your overall satisfaction, but don’t approach it like you’re starting a war over an unwashed dish.)

Relationships are about compromise. So, if your partner isn’t giving you every little thing you desire, it doesn’t mean they’re failing you. It just means you’re both humans, not relationship robots programmed to serve up perfection 24/7.

The Tricky Part, When Needs Aren’t Met

If your relationship isn’t meeting your core needs, then you’ve got a bigger issue on your hands than just missing out on your morning cappuccino. Needs are non negotiable, and if your partner consistently disregards them, it’s time to have a serious chat or reconsider if this relationship is serving your well being.

Here’s the key: never compromise on your needs. It’s like deciding to live without oxygen m, you can survive for a bit, but it won’t end well.

If you’re feeling unsupported, disrespected, or like communication is pulling teeth, it’s worth addressing head on. Don’t wait until you’re two years in, arguing about why they didn’t text you back when the root problem is something deeper. This is so important because you can share and communicate a need a million times but if your partner can’t handle it or won’t handle it, then it may be time to consider things further. Be clear, be direct and for the love of all things holy, be open to listening when your partner shares their needs, too. Some people would rather stick their head in the sand than deal with tough situations no matter what you do.

How to Decipher Needs vs. Wants

Here’s a little exercise for when you’re trying to determine if something is a need or a want:

Ask yourself: “If I don’t get this, can I function happily in this relationship?”
• If the answer is “no,” it’s probably a need.
• If the answer is “yes, but I’ll be a little cranky,” it’s likely a want.

Visualize the worst case scenario. Will not getting what you want lead to the relationship’s downfall, or will you both find a way to laugh about it later? If you can imagine the two of you chuckling over it down the road, it’s likely a want.

Be honest…

Sometimes we think something is a need because we’re upset in the moment. But if you take a deep breath and reflect, you might realize you can do without it (even if that “it” is your partner forgetting your birthday again).

You Can’t Always Get What You Want, But You Do Deserve What You Need

The Rolling Stones had it right, you can’t always get what you want. But in relationships, if you try sometimes, you find… you do get what you need. The trick is being honest with yourself, your partner, and learning to distinguish between the two.

Also it is really important to remember that our needs may change over time. This can lead to unfortunate situations but must be dealt with.

So next time you’re feeling unfulfilled, take a moment to ask yourself, “Is this something I need for my happiness and well being, or is it just a fleeting want?” With a little introspection and some humor along the way you can navigate the delicate balance between needs and wants like a pro. And hey, if all else fails, there’s always takeout.

The post Needs vs. Wants in Relationships appeared first on Free the Kink.

Heyyy, y’all! BDSM and Kink can be a fun and exciting way to explore your sexuality, but safety should always be a top priority. Please allow this girl to share a few essential safety tips for Our Thing to ensure a safe, enjoyable and transformative experience for all everyone involved.

*Communicate and Negotiate

Before engaging in any activity, communicate your desires, boundaries, and limits with your partner(s). Negotiate what you are comfortable with and speak up if that changes.

*Use Safety Words

A safety word is a predetermined word or signal that indicates when to stop the scene immediately. Choose a word that is easy to remember and not easily confused with other words. Keep in mind that for several folx a safe word isn’t necessary. Mind ya business and focus on YOUR own thing instead.

*Know Your Limits

It’s absolutely crucial that we are aware of our physical and emotional limits and don’t push ourselves beyond what we can handle. If you’re new to BDSM, try to start slowly and gradually increase intensity. And be completely honest about this with your partner(s), please.

*Use Protective Gear

Use protective gear such as condoms, gloves, and mouth guards to prevent injury and transmission of fluids until or unless you are fluid bound.

*Monitor Your Body

Pay attention to your body’s response before, during and after the scene and stop if you experience any discomfort or undesired pain.

*Aftercare

It’s important to remember that some folx do not need Aftercare. This is initially discussed during Vetting. For those who need it, after activities, engage in aftercare to ensure both partners are physically and emotionally comfortable. This may include cuddling, hydration, and discussion. Negotiate and plan out the specific type of Aftercare you need. This will help to avoid drop.

*Research and Education

Listen, y’all…we must continuously research and educate ourselves on BDSM techniques, safety, and best practices to ensure we safely learn and grow.

*Scene Planning

Plan your scene in advance, considering factors such as time, location, and equipment to name a few. Some of us have even taken time to write everything out in advance for review, negotiation, and troubleshooting.

*Emergency Preparedness

Have a plan in place for emergencies, including first aid kits and a phone nearby. Distress signals and check ins help mitigate this.

Bottom line…Remember, safety is everyone’s responsibility in the BDSM community. Prioritize Communication, Respect, Honesty, and Trust to create a positive and fulfilling experience each time.

this girl appreciates your valuable time.

~ His Duchess

The post Safety is the Subject appeared first on Free the Kink.

She smiled as she thought of him. She straightened herself up as she dialed. Two rings later, she saw the smile she spent a lot of time wiping off his face in various CONSENSUALLY decadent ways. “Hello there! You look fantastic as always! Hope everyone is doing well! I’m in between meetings but I’m looking forward to being of assistance!” She smiled even bigger. “Splendid. Let’s do this!”

*The following is a conversation between this girl and one of her toys in an effort to help everyone understand the male submissive perspective.

Q: Tell us a little about yourself.
A: “Okay. Georgia born, raised in Richmond, VA. Retired Army Officer and entrepreneur. Happily married to and in service to an amazing Goddess. Four children, seven Grandchildren. Three dogs. And former toy of Regina. As a male submissive, I’ve often found myself navigating a complex web of societal expectations and personal desires.”

Q: What are your thoughts about vulnerability regarding male subs?

A: “Right to it, I see! Society often equates masculinity with dominance and control. This makes things more challenging for men to embrace vulnerability. However, in BDSM, vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. As a toy, I’ve learned to surrender control, trusting you and my wife to safely guide me through experiences that push my boundaries.”

Q: And what about Power Exchange?
A: “Well…The power dynamic in BDSM relationships is often misunderstood! As a submissive, I don’t relinquish all control; instead, I choose to trust others with my well-being. This power exchange creates a sense of security, allowing me to explore my desires without fear of judgment.”

Q: And what about Communication and Trust?

A: “Well, hell…Effective communication is crucial in BDSM! I’ve learned to express my desires, limits, and fears openly, creating a foundation of trust. This trust allows us to navigate complex scenes and activities, knowing we’re both on the same page.”

Q: What are your thoughts on Intimacy and Connection?
A: “BDSM has taught me that intimacy extends far beyond physical touch! The emotional connection I share is built on mutual trust, respect, and vulnerability. Together we create a unique bond, fostering a deeper understanding of each other’s desires and needs. And that deepens connection and makes intimacy more meaningful.”

Q: You have said that you learned a LOT about yourself through this journey. Such as?
A: “My journey as a male submissive has been one of self-discovery. I’ve learned to embrace my desires, even when they challenge societal norms! After all…I was expected to be a hard ass, hard charging, tough but fair leader in the Army. BDSM has given me a platform to explore my identity, creativity, and intimacy in ways I never thought possible! I am empathetic AND empowered!”

Q: You ROCK! I know you’re pressed for time. Any last words?
A: Grazie, Regina! Well, I’ll end this with saying that BDSM from a male submissive perspective has given me a unique lens on power exchange, vulnerability, and intimacy. By embracing our desires and vulnerabilities, we can create deep connections and explore new horizons. And, as my grandson says, haters will hate. But I am forever grateful that I embraced the life and ignored the negativity! So glad you’re doing this for us, Regina!”

Q: Okay…now that we’ve touched on the basics…you already know what most folx want to hear about! Care to share some of the good stuff?
A: “Of course they do! Okay, let’s go there! Shall I wax poetic about the first time? Or the time I was struggling with it all and you and Domina Lucia went full primal on me?”

Q: Dealer’s choice.
A: Well…The time had come. After the endless talking, reading, studying, I felt ready! I really wasn’t, though. The excitement, thoughts, emotions, sensations were almost overwhelming. I distinctly recall your voice. Barely heard you. You were very soothing as you blindfolded me. You were scary calm as you commanded me to undress. I was a little shocked and embarrassed that I wasn’t hard. But I WAS excited! You reassured me that was temporary lol. I remember thinking about how cold the room was. As if reading my mind you informed me that you set the room temperature on purpose, and I would thank you later. And I totally did lol. I was frustrated about how much TALKING you were doing! I was ready for some ACTION! Lick your boots, crawl around barking, hop like a bunny, give you a massage, ANYTHING BUT MORE TALKING!”

Q: Even blindfolded, saw it all over your face. You understand why now, correct?
A: “Yes! You were monitoring me. Asking questions, making sure I was there with YOU, and not off in my head. Making sure I was aware of where I was and what was happening to me.”

Q: Did you appreciate the restraint?
A: “Oh YES! I loved the mental as much as the physical. It was exhilarating and agonizing at the same time!”

Q: How about after?
A: “The intimacy following the session was spectacular. Sensual, safe, and FUN! Learning that aftercare is necessary for me was crucial! I have also learned that it is not necessary for everyone.”

Q: What’s your most important advice regarding your brother subs?
A: “Protect yourself out here! Vetting is key! And guard yourself on social media!!! Don’t join a space and lose your mind trying to get attention. The scammers will flock to you while the actual Doms will run from you. Manage your frenzy. Your submission is strength! Anyone who thinks you’re less than because of your path can eff off! Leave that in!”

Q: Final question: What was the defining moment for you?
A: “Chastity! I learned how small and powerful I am! 30 years later and I still get locked up at HER leisure and I totally live for it!”

R: It was soooo good to reminisce with you, BRIAN. Geez, it STILL feels a little off not calling you toy or addressing you by your rank or title! lol! Thank you for sharing a little bit of your experience with us!
B: “It’s a pleasure. Back to life now. Arrividerci, Regina!”

Well…if you lasted this long… Thank you.

The post “A Conversation.” appeared first on Free the Kink.

Ah, compersion, the elusive, unicorn like feeling that every polyamorous person aspires to. If you’ve ever experienced that warm glow of happiness when your partner is off having fun with someone else, instead of hiding under the bed with a bag of chips and Netflix, congratulations, you’ve tapped into compersion. In polyamory, it’s the emotional equivalent of cheering your partner on as they enjoy another relationship, without feeling the need to launch a jealous coup.

But let’s be real, compersion is a bit of a tricky beast. It’s not always the default emotion, especially when you’ve been conditioned by a lifetime of rom coms to believe that love is all about “finding the one” and holding on for dear life. Polyamory challenges that notion by saying, “Hey, maybe there’s more than one ‘one’?” and then expects you to feel good about it. Easy, right? Spoiler alert, not always.

In this article we’ll break down what compersion is, why it’s hard sometimes and most importantly, how you can make it easier to high five your partner as they gallop off into the sunset with someone else.

So, What Exactly Is Compersion?

Think of compersion as the warm, fuzzy feeling you get when your best friend wins the lottery except instead of money, your partner’s winning love, affection and let’s be honest, probably some very fun dates. You’re genuinely happy for them, even if you’re not directly involved.

It’s like watching someone eat cake and being happy that they’re enjoying it, even if you didn’t get a slice. But in polyamory, it’s deeper than just passive acceptance, it’s about actively finding joy in your partner’s happiness, knowing that love isn’t a zero sum game. Who knew love could be like the cake in “Mythbusters”, it’s actually infinite.

Now, before you break out the balloons and streamers to celebrate your partner’s latest love interest, let’s talk about the challenges.
Because despite the sunshine and rainbows vision of compersion, it doesn’t come without its roadblocks.

The Challenges of Compersion
Or, “Why It’s Hard Not to Throw a Tantrum Sometimes”

Jealousy, Insecurity and the Green Eyed Monster

Picture this, your partner texts you to say they’re having an amazing time with someone new. Your brain immediately responds with, “Yay for them!” right? Yeah, sometimes. Other times, it’s more like, “Oh no, what if they like that person way more than me? What if they realize they’ve been settling and run off to start a new life?” Cue, the Green-Eyed Monster.

Jealousy is a natural and normal human emotion and it has a nasty habit of creeping in when we least expect it. Even the most compersive person can have a jealous meltdown when insecurities start whispering in their ear.

Solution

First, breathe. Jealousy isn’t an evil villain you need to banish, it’s just a signal that something deeper is happening. Have a heart to heart with yourself first. What’s really going on? Are you feeling left out? Unappreciated? Or is it simply that society drilled into your head that love should be exclusive? Talk to your partner about it. Nine times out of ten, the reality isn’t as scary as the story you’re telling yourself.

The Baggage of Monogamy

Society tells us that true love is exclusive. From childhood, we’ve been spoon fed stories where “happily ever after” means one person, forever, end of story. So when you’re trying to feel compersion in a polyamorous setup, you’re basically undoing a lifetime of conditioning. No big deal right?

Solution

You have to remind yourself that love is not a limited resource like the last slice of pizza at a party. It’s more like a never ending pizza buffet you can always make more! Surround yourself with poly positive resources like books, podcasts and communities where people understand this stuff. The more you immerse yourself in alternative narratives about love, the easier it becomes to shrug off monogamy baggage.

The Fear of Being Replaced

Okay, this is a big one. What if they fall head over heels in love with this new person and suddenly forget you exist? What if they realize this new partner is more fun, smarter or has a better Netflix queue? Many have been there and trust me, the fear of being replaced is very real.

Solution

Reinforce your connection with your partner. Regular check ins and reassurance go a long way. Your partner is with you for a reason and it’s not just because you’re great at picking dinner spots. Communicate openly about your needs and fears and set up rituals or special moments that make your relationship feel rock solid. Remember, polyamory isn’t a competition it’s about expansion, not replacement.

Time Management Or, “But What About Me?”

Ah, time the ultimate limited resource. When your partner is spending hours, or days with someone else, it’s easy to feel like you’re getting the short end of the stick. Suddenly, their schedule looks like a Tetris game and you’re wondering where you fit in.

Solution

Get ahead of the scheduling madness by communicating your needs. Maybe you need a specific day set aside for just the two of you, or perhaps a quick text during their date helps you feel connected. Time management in polyamory is like juggling, but with some planning, no one has to feel like they’re dropping the ball.

How to Embrace Compersion Without Losing Your Mind

Celebrate Their Wins

When your partner comes home all starry eyed from a great date, resist the urge to throw a pity party. Instead, try to feel happy for them. It’s like rooting for them at a game they’re winning. Even if you’re not playing, you can cheer from the sidelines and genuinely feel joy for their experience.

Take Care of Yourself

Self care is your best friend in polyamory. Whether that means scheduling a date night with yourself, diving into your favorite hobby or binge watching a series that only you enjoy, taking time for yourself helps soothe any emotional wobbles that might come up. The happier and more fulfilled you are, the easier it is to feel compersion.

Talk It Out

Compersion doesn’t magically happen overnight. You and your partner will have bumps along the way, so don’t be afraid to have the tough conversations. Feeling weird? Bring it up. Struggling with jealousy? Talk about it. Open, honest communication is the rocket fuel for polyamory and compersion can’t exist without it.

Remember the Fun of Polyamory

Sometimes, when jealousy or insecurity hits, it helps to take a step back and remember why you chose polyamory in the first place. Whether it’s the adventure, the new connections or the freedom to explore love in all its forms, keeping the bigger picture in mind can make the day to day challenges feel more manageable.

Compersion, the Superpower You Didn’t Know You Had

Compersion is a superpower, one that takes time, patience and a lot of self awareness to develop. It’s not always easy and you’re definitely allowed to have your off days, or weeks. But with communication, trust and a little humor, compersion can add a whole new layer of joy to your relationships.

Remember, love isn’t like cake where there’s only one slice to go around, it’s more like a bottomless mimosa brunch. There’s plenty for everyone and if you’re lucky, you’ll get to enjoy the process, too.

The post What is Compersion? appeared first on Free the Kink.

So, you’ve discovered the thrilling world of BDSM, and you’re eager to share it with your vanilla partner. Introducing BDSM to someone unfamiliar with it can be a delicate dance, but with the right approach, it can lead to deeper intimacy, trust, and an electrifying exploration of desires. At Free the Kink, we are experienced professionals in the realm of kink, here to guide you through this journey with tips, insights, and a dash of fun. Let’s dive in and ignite that spark of curiosity!

Step 1: Self Reflection and Understanding

Before introducing BDSM to your partner, take some time for self reflection. Understand your own desires, boundaries, and what you hope to achieve by incorporating BDSM into your relationship. Be clear about why this exploration is important to you and how it can enhance your connection.

Step 2: Choose the Right Moment

Timing is everything. Choose a relaxed, private moment to bring up the topic. Avoid discussing it during arguments or stressful times. A cozy evening at home, a quiet walk, or a romantic dinner can provide the perfect setting for this intimate conversation.

Step 3: Communicate Openly and Honestly

Start by expressing your feelings and desires in a nonthreatening way. Use “I” statements to convey your thoughts without making your partner feel pressured. For example, “I’ve been exploring some new interests and I’m really excited about BDSM. I’d love to share this with you because I believe it could bring us closer and add a new dimension to our intimacy.”

Be prepared to address common misconceptions about BDSM. Explain that it’s not about pain or control, but about trust, consent, and mutual pleasure. Emphasize that BDSM encompasses a wide range of activities, from light bondage and sensory play to more intense scenes, and it’s all about what feels right for both of you.

Step 4: Educate and Inform

Provide your partner with resources to learn more about BDSM. Recommend books, articles, documentaries, and websites that offer accurate and positive information.

Introduce the concept of safewords and the importance of setting boundaries. Explain that safewords are a crucial part of ensuring a safe and consensual experience. Choose a simple word like “red” for stop and “yellow” for slow down or check-in. Emphasize that mutual respect and communication are the cornerstones of BDSM. Discuss what an initial scene might look like, talk about their comfortability levels and remember consent should always be enthusiastic.

Step 5: Start Slow and Keep It Fun

Begin with “soft” kinks that might be less intimidating. Light bondage with silk scarves, blindfolds, or gentle spanking can be a playful way to ease into BDSM. Make it fun and light-hearted to help your partner feel comfortable and open to new experiences.

Sensation play is a great introduction to BDSM. Experiment with different textures and temperatures, like feather ticklers, ice cubes, or massage candles. This can help your partner discover new sensations and understand the pleasure that BDSM can bring.

Step 6: Communicate and Reflect

After your initial explorations, have regular check-in conversations. Ask your partner how they felt about the experience, what they enjoyed, and what they might want to try next. Be open to feedback and willing to adjust based on their comfort levels.

Share your own feelings and experiences as well. Let your partner know what you enjoyed and why it was meaningful to you. This ongoing dialogue will help build trust and deepen your connection.

Step 7: Continue Learning Together

Consider attending BDSM workshops or events together. Many communities offer classes on various aspects of BDSM, from rope bondage to impact play. These can be fun, educational, and a great way to meet others who share your interests.

Create a shared playbook where you and your partner can document your interests, boundaries, and fantasies. Use it as a living document to guide your BDSM journey together. This can be a fun and intimate way to explore and plan your future play sessions.

It’s Not a Destination, It’s a Journey

Introducing BDSM to a vanilla partner is a journey of trust, communication, and mutual discovery. By approaching it with openness, respect, and a sense of fun, you can ignite your partner’s curiosity and create a deeper, more intimate connection. Remember, the key is to take it slow, communicate openly, make sure consent is always enthusiastic, and enjoy the process of exploring new horizons together.

So, take a deep breath, gather your courage, and embark on this exciting adventure with your partner. Who knows? You might just unlock a whole new world of pleasure and intimacy that will fulfill you both. Happy exploring!

The post Ignite the Spark of Curiosity appeared first on Free the Kink.

Understanding Age Play and Littles

Age play is a consensual role playing activity where adults take on different age personas. Littles might regress to a younger age, such as a toddler, child, or teenager, while caregivers take on nurturing roles, such as a mommy, daddy, babysitter, or teacher. It’s all about creating a safe, loving, and playful environment where participants can explore different aspects of their personalities.

Tips for Littles

Embrace Your Inner Child

1. Create Your Little Space

Your little space is your sanctuary where you can fully immerse yourself in your younger persona. Fill it with items that make you feel happy and safe, such as stuffed animals, coloring books, toys, and cozy blankets. Decorate with bright colors, fairy lights, and posters of your favorite characters.

2. Dress the Part

Dressing up can significantly enhance your age play experience. Choose clothing that makes you feel small and comfortable, such as onesies, footed pajamas, cute dresses, or overalls. Don’t forget the accessories! Pacifiers, sippy cups, and cute hair accessories can add to the fun!

3. Engage in Playful Activities

Engage in activities that bring out your inner child. Color in your favorite coloring book, build with blocks, watch cartoons, or have a tea party with your stuffed animals. Let your imagination run wild and enjoy the simple pleasures of childhood.

4. Communicate Your Needs

Clear communication is essential in any age play dynamic. Share your needs, desires, and boundaries with your caregiver. Use a safe word or gesture to communicate if you’re feeling uncomfortable or need a break. Trust and understanding are the foundations of a fulfilling age play experience.

Tips for Caregivers

Nurture with Love and Playfulness

1. Create a Safe Environment

Ensure your little feels safe and secure in their little space. Remove any potential hazards and make the area comfortable and inviting. Set up a routine that includes meals, naps, and playtime to mimic the structure of childhood.

2. Engage in Nurturing Activities

As a caregiver, your role is to nurture, guide, and play with your little. Read bedtime stories, help with arts and crafts, or plan fun outings to the park or zoo. Provide positive reinforcement and encouragement to help your little feel loved and valued.

3. Set Boundaries and Rules

Establishing boundaries and rules is crucial in age play. Set clear guidelines for behavior, chores, and bedtime. Use gentle discipline methods, like time-outs or loss of privileges, to guide your little when necessary. Always ensure that any rules or discipline are consensual and understood by both parties.

4. Be Attentive and Responsive

Pay close attention to your little’s needs and feelings. Offer comfort and reassurance when they’re upset and celebrate their achievements and milestones. Being attentive and responsive will help build a strong, trusting bond between you and your little.

Activities to Enhance Age Play

1. Arts and Crafts

Get creative with arts and crafts projects. Finger painting, making friendship bracelets, and building with clay can be both fun and therapeutic for littles and caregivers alike.

2. Story Time

Reading stories aloud is a wonderful way to bond and engage your little’s imagination. Choose books that are age-appropriate for your little’s persona, and don’t be afraid to use funny voices and sound effects!

3. Outdoor Adventures

Explore the great outdoors with your little. Plan a picnic, visit a playground, or go on a nature walk. Fresh air and physical activity are great for both body and mind.

4. Sensory Play

Engage in sensory play activities like playing with kinetic sand, slime, or water beads. These activities can be soothing and provide a tactile experience that many littles find enjoyable.

Embrace the Magic Being a little

Age play is a beautiful, playful way to explore different facets of your personality and deepen your connection with your partner. By creating a safe and nurturing environment, embracing your roles, and engaging in fun activities, you can experience the joy and magic of being a little to its fullest.

The post Tips for littles and Caregivers—Age Play Exploration appeared first on Free the Kink.

Heyyy, y’all!!! When it comes to Our Thing, Time Management is not just a practical consideration; it’s an essential skill that affects the quality of both play and the dynamic(s). Whether you’re a Dominant, submissive, or switch, effectively managing time ensures that scenes are handled safely, consent is respected, and the dynamic remains fulfilling for everyone involved. Here’s a breakdown for y’all.

“Why tf is Time Management in BDSM important?” Well…Time is a critical element in BDSM for several reasons:

1. Safety. Many BDSM activities require careful attention to the timing of actions. For instance, bondage or breath play must be timed precisely to ensure the safety and well-being of the submissive.
2. Psychological Flow. A well-timed scene allows for a gradual build-up of intensity, leading to a more intense psychological experience for both sides of the slash. Rushing can break the mood, while dragging things out too long can lead to discomfort or disengagement.
3. Life Balance. For those who engage in BDSM as part of their lifestyle, balancing scenes, daily responsibilities, and personal time requires considerate, careful planning.

“Okay, cool! How do we set the stage?” Before we engage in any BDSM activity, it’s critical to have a pre-scene discussion. During the conversation, be sure to is cover:

1. Duration. How long the scene is expected to last. Everyone involved agrees on a tentative timeframe, keeping in mind the physical and emotional stamina required.
2. Timing of Activities. Map out the sequence of activities and their durations. For example, how long should the warm-up last? When does the peak intensity of the scene occur? This helps in maintaining the desired flow.
3. Check-Ins. Decide on specific intervals for check-ins, especially during intense play. This ensures that the submissive’s well-being is continuously monitored.
4. Life Constraints. Consider the timing within the context of your overall schedule. If you have commitments early the next morning, planning a scene that allows adequate recovery time is essential.

“It’s GO TIME! How do we stay in the scene?” Once the scene begins, time management is about maintaining the balance between following the plan and being flexible by doing the following:

1. Minding the Clock. Without letting it control your thoughts, keeping an eye on the time ensures that you stay within the agreed-upon limits.
2. Use of Safewords and/or Signals. These play a vital role in managing time. If a bottom/submissive uses a safeword or signal, the Top/Dominant must assess the situation, potentially adjusting the timing or intensity of the scene.
3. Adjustments. Be ready to alter the scene’s pacing based on real-time feedback. If the bottom/submissive is struggling or the energy feels off, it might be necessary to speed up or slow down.

“Okay, it’s over. Now what?” Well, Time Management doesn’t stop when the scene ends, y’all. For those who need it, Aftercare is an integral part of the BDSM experience, providing physical and emotional support as everyone decompresses following the scene. Some tips are:

1. Aftercare Timing. Plan for adequate aftercare. Some individuals may need none at all or a few minutes, while others might require an hour or more to fully decompress. Rushing this process can lead to emotional fallout.
2. Reflection. Set aside time for everyone to reflect on the scene. Discuss what worked, what didn’t, and how time was managed. This feedback loop is crucial for improving future sessions.

“My life is CRAZY busy! How do we make time for a QUALITY session?” For many of us, BDSM is a part of life rather than a specific timeframe. Here are some strategies for managing time in a way that allows BDSM to coexist with daily responsibilities:

1. Scheduling. Treat BDSM activities like any other important appointment. Scheduling scenes or training sessions in advance ensures that they fit within the broader context of life’s demands.
2. Prioritization. Understand that not every BDSM activity needs to be time-intensive. Shorter, more frequent sessions can be just as fulfilling as longer ones, y’all.
3. Communication. Regularly communicate with your partner(s) about everyone’s time constraints and needs. This ensures that all of you remain on the same page and can plan accordingly.
4. Flexibility. Life is everyone’s TRUE Master lol. While it’s important to plan, it’s equally critical to remain flexible. Sometimes, postponing a scene might be necessary to ensure that it can be fully enjoyed without distractions or stress.

“Yeah, okay I hear you! But…Why is timing so important in BDSM?”

Y’all…Time Management in BDSM is about more than just negotiating, creating, and keeping a schedule. It’s about creating a rhythm that enhances the Power Exchange and deepens the connection between partners. Whether you’re planning an elaborate scene or integrating BDSM into your daily life, mastering the art of Time Management will lead to more fulfilling and safer experiences for ALL of us.

Remember, the goal is not to control time rigidly but to flow with it, allowing Our Thing to flourish within the context of our lives.

Thank you for reading.

~ His Duchess

The post TICK TOCK! Time Management in BDSM appeared first on Free the Kink.