Being a Little or Middle often means feeling everything very deeply—joy, nervousness, giggles, grumps, and even those moments when everything feels like a lot. That’s part of your magic! But even magical hearts need safe ways to let those feelings out, sort through them, and feel seen and soothed.

That’s where journaling comes in. And don’t worry—it doesn’t have to be about long essays or serious writing. Journaling in CGl dynamics is all about expression, imagination, and care, in whatever style works best for you.

Let’s explore some fun and meaningful ways to journal that support emotional growth, self-understanding, and a sprinkle of sparkle.

Coloring Pages with a Mood

Coloring isn’t just fun—it’s also calming, grounding, and expressive. Whether you’re using a classic coloring book or a printable mood mandala, you can let your feelings come out in color.

• Feeling sad? Try cool tones like blue, purple, or gray.
• Feeling excited? Go bright with neon or rainbow!
• Feeling proud or powerful? Metallic markers, baby.

Bonus idea: Use themed coloring pages to match your day. Dinosaurs on dino day, mermaids for dreamy moods, or stuffies just because they’re cute.

Caregiver Tip: Sit down and color together as a low-pressure way to connect. You might be surprised how much is shared while choosing crayons.

Sticker Diaries

Some days, words are hard. Stickers make it easier—and waaaay cuter. Create a “sticker diary” where your Little or Middle can choose images that match their mood:

• = feeling slow or sleepy
• = had a good day!
• = it was a hard one
• = accomplished something exciting
• = gave or received love

You can even create a “My Feelings Key” together to make it more personal. Add glitter or washi tape borders for extra joy!

Guided Journal Prompts

Not sure what to write? Prompts help Littles and Middles explore their thoughts and feelings gently and safely. Try a few of these:

• “Today I was proud of myself for…”
• “A thing I wish someone understood about me is…”
• “If my heart could talk today, it would say…”
• “My favorite part of the day was…”
• “My Caregiver makes me feel ___ when they ___.”
• “My stuffy squad says I’m awesome because…”

Even just one or two lines a day can help Littles and Middles process their emotions, remember the good stuff, and spot patterns in their moods.

Visual Journaling (for the artsy)

Scrapbooking, vision boards, doodle pages—visual journaling is perfect for expressing yourself without needing any words.

You can try:

• Drawing what your inner Little looks like
• Creating a “comfort collage” of your favorite things
• Making a “calm me down” page you can flip to when you feel overwhelmed
• Dedicating a page to your stuffies and their “personalities”

Cozy Rituals Make It Better

Caregiver Tip: Journaling time can be a shared ritual. You don’t have to see the entries—just make the space sacred and safe. Offer cozy tea, soft lighting, a blanket fort, or even a journaling playlist. Consistency helps Littles and Middles open up more over time.

Never pressure them to share. Instead, say:
“I love that you’re giving your feelings a place to rest. If you ever want to share, I’m here to listen.”

That validation is powerful.

Why It Works

Journaling helps Littles and Middles:

• Build emotional vocabulary
• Develop self-awareness
• Calm down during overstimulation
• Celebrate wins and track patterns
• Feel proud of how far they’ve come

Most importantly? It reminds them they are heard, loved, and held—even when they’re struggling.

What’s Your Journaling Style?

Do you color your feelings? Stick your mood on the page? Scribble your thoughts in sparkly gel pen? Maybe you make mood playlists instead of paper journals (yes, that counts too!).

The post Journaling for Littles and Middles appeared first on Free the Kink.

We have all seen them before…those couples who look like they have everything together. They adore each other. They respect each other. They elevate each other. It’s a beautiful thing, right? What we don’t see is how they got there. Let’s take a closer look! When we see a dynamic or relationship where roles are clearly identified through body language or speech, sometimes we, in our heads, say “that’s it! that’s what I want!” Without any thought about what it takes to achieve it. For instance, how long have they been together? Do they argue every day? Have they always trusted each other? Are their needs being fulfilled in the relationship or dynamic? In a Total Power or Authority Exchange, there is a point where a submissive surrenders themselves to their Dominant. This is the result of vetting, communication, honesty, respect, and trust. The result of that surrender for this girl can be summed up in one word…Serenity. this girl is going to look at what surrender and serenity mean in our thing.

First, submission is far from weakness. It is a chosen act of trust, intention, and emotional depth. At its core, submission is a journey into surrender — and within that surrender lies profound serenity.

*The Beauty of Letting Go.

submission isn’t about giving up power — it’s about choosing where to place it. For many submissives, there is immense relief in releasing the need to direct, decide, and lead. This conscious surrender can be liberating, offering a sense of peace that is hard to find in everyday life.

When a submissive yields control to a trusted Dominant, they are not diminished. They are held, guided, and, in many ways, more deeply connected to their own sense of self. In letting go, submissives find clarity.

This is the goal…a psychological and emotional place of focus and peace. When we’ve reached this soft and vulnerable state, serenity begins.

*How do we get there?!?

Many submissives find deep comfort in the structure involved in BDSM. The foundation is Protocols, rules, and routines. These things offer stability and build trust and security. Kneeling, addressing their Dominant in a certain way, or completing a daily task list are consistent reminders of the care and devotion the partners have for each other.

There is absolutely NOTHING weak about submissives! submission requires profound trust. Submissives put ourselves in the hands of another, trusting that they will protect and guide us with wisdom, strength, devotion, and honor. That kind of surrender isn’t weak at all— it’s courageous!!! We CHOOSE this. We CHOOSE them. Absolute honesty at EVERY stage – through Vetting, Negotiations, Training, ALLLLL OF IT!- is critical. When our trust is consistently and competently honored, Respect for our Dominants is clear to everyone. And the journey from Surrender to Serenity moves forward.

*What does Serenity feel like?

Over time, submissives surrender control and completely trust our Dominants to lead, guide, and protect us. Wondrous things may happen. Submissives discover our power. We are able to embrace the freedom, safety, possibilities and purpose of our submission. Submissives choose Serenity instead of isolation, avoidance, frustration, insecurity, doubt, jealousy, and fear.

And when submissives choose Serenity through Surrender, we achieve the power found in letting go.

Thank you for reading.

The post Surrender and Serenity appeared first on Free the Kink.

Okay, y’all. We all see it…folx that reach out, asking for tips and advice on how to make their partners “more this” or “less that.” And many try to help! The thing that may one cause is an enormous difference between Chemistry and Compatibility.

Chemistry and compatibility are two distinct yet interconnected aspects of relationships; including those within the BDSM/Kink community.

Chemistry refers to the intense attraction, passion, and excitement that can arise between individuals. In BDSM relationships, chemistry might manifest as a VERY strong desire for Power Exchange, intense sensations, or erotic connection. This spark can be electric and intoxicating; pulling folx together and fueling intense desires.

Compatibility, on the other hand, encompasses the shared values, interests, and mindset that can create a foundation for a fulfilling relationship/dynamic. In BDSM, compatibility might involve shared interests in specific practices and experiences, mutual respect for boundaries, and a deep understanding of each other’s needs and desires.

While chemistry can ignite an intense flame of attraction, compatibility can help sustain a relationship/dynamic over time. A strong connection that balances both chemistry and compatibility can lead to a more satisfying and enduring relationship/dynamic.

Some key differences between chemistry and compatibility include:

• Chemistry is often intense and passionate, while compatibility is built on shared values and mutual understanding.
• Chemistry is often immediate, while compatibility often develops over time.
• Chemistry is often focused on physical or emotional attraction, while compatibility encompasses a broader range of shared interests and mindset.

By recognizing the distinction between Chemistry and Compatibility, individuals in BDSM relationships can cultivate a deeper understanding of our connections and work towards building strong, fulfilling relationships/dynamics.

Vetting is instrumental in determining if you can balance Chemistry with Compatibility.

It’s well worth an investment in digging deeper during Vetting to make sure we’re compatible with each other before things get knotty and naughty. Who knows…it could be a total game changer, y’all. Just sayin’.

~ His Duchess

The post Chemistry +Compatibility=Synergy appeared first on Free the Kink.

Disclaimer – These are my views and I have screwed the pooch more than a few times in over 20 years of leading a beautiful and amazing submissive woman. Enjoy. 

Many people love the fantasy of Dominance. The commanding presence and the control. The title of Master just drips with power and for many, the image it conjures is one of unquestioned authority, luxury and being served hand and foot. Maybe for some it is, I know I definitely have that life most days. But here’s the truth most don’t talk about, being a Master isn’t just about being the king of the house, it’s about being the rock. The standard. The one who leads with clarity, compassion and an unshakable sense of duty. It is the responsibility of a Master to do the best for those in your charge. This is your cautionary tale, because once you accept the role of Master, you don’t just gain power, you take on the weight of someone else’s trust. Their safety. Their submission. And if you can’t honor that, you have no business calling yourself Master at all.

Power Without Responsibility Is Abuse, is that too blunt? Too bad… Too many people try to wear the title without earning the character behind it. They want the obedience but not the consistency. They want the pleasure but not the patience. They want the control but not the consequences. But in a true power exchange, the Master’s role isn’t just to lead, it’s to protect, to guide and to be accountable. If a submissive is going to hand you the keys to their heart, their mind and in many cases, their body, then you’d damn well better be worthy of that responsibility.

You Are the Standard, you set the tone. Your mood affects the house. Your decisions ripple out. If you’re inconsistent, your dynamic suffers. If you’re dishonest, trust erodes. If you’re careless, you may do real harm. There’s a reason you need to master yourself before you ever try to master someone else. Emotional maturity, discipline, self awareness, these aren’t optional. They’re foundational.

Honor Isn’t Optional in these dynamics. The badge of Master should be worn with humility, not arrogance. It’s not about ruling over someone, it’s about rising to the level where someone wants to follow you. And to do that, you must lead with honor. That means communicating clearly, setting expectations fairly, admitting when you’re wrong and never using your power to serve your ego at their negative expense.

Your submissive isn’t there to feed your insecurities. They’re there because they trust you. Never forget the ethical considerations of that. The Quiet Weight is always there and at times it’s heavy. When you’re tired but you still show up. When decisions must be made and you can’t flinch. When your submissive is falling apart and they’re looking to you to hold it together. This is the side no one glamorizes. And yet, it’s a key part. Because if you do it right, you become not just the Master in name, but the steady hand that holds the heart of someone who chooses to kneel for you. And that, my friend, is not a task to be taken lightly. Being a Master isn’t about being worshipped, well not all the time. It’s about being worthy of being worshipped. Every day. Through your actions, your integrity and your unwavering commitment to lead with strength, empathy, and honor.

So before you call yourself Master, ask yourself this? Can I carry the weight that comes with the crown? Because if you can’t, you’re not leading, you’re just playing dress up.

The post The Cautionary Tale of Being a Master appeared first on Free the Kink.

May brings more than flowers, y’all!!! Welcome to Masturbation May!!! this girl would like to talk about Mutual Masturbation for a bit. Mutual Masturbation (You and another person/other people pleasuring yourselves together) doesn’t get the credit it deserves! And it’s definitely worth discussion.
It’s fairly safe and can help you improve your ability to explore your body as well as others. And it pretty much guarantees a happy ending for all involved lol. A few things that are AWESOME during Mutual Masturbation are…

Sucking on your fingers or theirs while you play

Staying connected by draping your leg over theirs

Eye contact and verbal cues (encouraging, degrading, or somewhere in between.)

Teasing yourselves with a toy

Anyone feeling a little shy OR have no issues about giving yourself a hand with an audience? There’s a position for that!

Side-to-side. This one works for all, but it’ll appeal especially to anyone who’s nervous about masturbating together. You can lie or sit side-by-side to get your rub on. Eye contact makes all seggsual hotter. This position makes it optional so you can glance their way whenever you’re ready.

Mutual Missionary. This hands-on take on the missionary position has one of you lying on your back and the other on top, either straddling or kneeling between their legs while you pleasure yourselves. If one of you isn’t feeling the action but still want to be there for the other, this vantage point is a perfect compromise.

Full Frontal. Raise your hand if you like to watch and being watched! Sit facing each other with legs spread wide for a full-frontal view that will completely satisfy your inner exhibitionist and voyeur.

Remember to apply the following things to all aspects of intimacy including mutual masturbation. (Identifying the Four Pillars of BDSM for context.)

*Communication is key!!! Talk openly about what feels good, what doesn’t, and what you both want to try. (Communication, Trust, Honesty, and Respect)

*Start slow! Begin with gentle touches and gradually increase intensity based on each other’s cues. Use all six (Yep, SIX!) senses. Sight, touch, taste, sound, smell, and instinct. (Respect)

*Pay attention to body language. Notice how your partner responds to different touches and adjust accordingly. (Nonverbal Communication)

*Explore different techniques. Try various strokes, pressures, positions, and speeds to find what works best for each other. (Trust)

*Focus on pleasure! Prioritize mutual enjoyment and don’t worry about performance. No “let’s get this over with” energy. (Honesty)

Remember, Mutual Masturbation is about exploring intimacy and pleasure together. Be open, respectful, and communicative to enhance the experience.

Have fun, y’all!!!

~ His Duchess

The post Making Beautiful Music…Together appeared first on Free the Kink.

Whether you’re a little, a middle, or a devoted Caregiver, routines can be more than just predictable—they can be magical. In the world of CGl (Caregiver/little) dynamics, structure isn’t about discipline (well… not always)—it’s about creating safety, fostering connection, and sprinkling your shared lives with daily doses of love.

Caregiver routines can be gentle, silly, affirming, or deeply nurturing. They become anchors in the day, helping your Little or Middle know what to expect and feel seen, supported, and adored.

Let’s explore some creative, fun, and heart-melting ways to build your own caregiver routine—whether you’re in the same home or loving from afar.

1. Good Morning Messages

Start the day with joy! A sweet “Good morning, my sunshine!” or “Don’t forget your snackies today, little bean!” sets the tone. These messages aren’t just cute—they’re grounding.
For many Littles and Middles, waking up to a message of love creates a sense of purpose and stability.
Want bonus magic? Add a mini checklist for the day:
☐ Brush your teeth
☐ Drink your water
☐ Hug your stuffy
☐ Be your awesome self

2. Stuffy Check-Ins

Caregivers, don’t forget your Little’s VIP crew—the stuffies. Asking, “How’s Sir Waggles feeling today?” or “Did Duckie help with chores?” acknowledges their inner world with warmth and respect.
This isn’t just play—it’s connection. It validates their emotional life through imagination and fantasy, a cornerstone of many CGL relationships. Plus, stuffies totally need emotional support too. Duh.

3. Reward Charts That Spark Joy

Turn everyday achievements into sparkly celebrations! Create sticker charts for:

• Drinking enough water
• Finishing a task
• Trying something new
• Managing Big Feelings

Rewards don’t have to be big—they just have to feel special. Think:
30 extra minutes of stuffy cuddle time
A new coloring page
An extra silly bedtime story
One “You’re a majestic unicorn” dance party

Bonus Sweet Additions

Here are a few more ways to add structure with extra sprinkles:

-Afternoon Affirmations

“Hey lovebug, you’re doing amazing today.”
Midday pep-talks can work wonders when energy dips or real life gets overwhelming. Your words might be the boost they didn’t know they needed.

-Theme Days

Why not create fun little daily “themes”?

• Unicorn Monday – wear something sparkly
• Taco Tuesday – self-explanatory and delicious
• Waddle Wednesday – penguin talk only allowed
• Fuzzy Friday – pajama day!

They’re adorable, fun, and give the week a rhythm Littles can look forward to.

-Cuddle Countdowns (For Long-Distance)

Use timers, paper chains, or even an app to countdown days until your next visit. It builds excitement and eases the ache of distance.

Why Structure Matters in CGl Dynamics

Having a daily or weekly routine isn’t just “cute.” It’s an emotional tool. Routines:

• Reduce anxiety
• Reinforce connection
• Help process transitions or big feelings
• Encourage positive behavior
• Build trust

It’s like emotional scaffolding. Whether your Caregiver is helping you eat veggies or making sure you’re hydrated after a meltdown, they’re showing up—and that consistency is the real magic.

The post Structure Can Be Sweet appeared first on Free the Kink.

The last several weeks we’ve been discussing the key point to the acronym BDSM, and some of the major points involved within those dynamics.  We will be discussing more on that as we move forward, but we’ll be switching gears this week discussing another umbrella term within the community, Polyamory.

Polyamory (poly) is a term meaning to share love for more than one person, but there’s a lot more to it when referring to poly based dynamics.  These dynamics involve partners who are involved with more than one partner, but you’ll find that these other relationships don’t always involve love or sex, and can be derived from other needs.  This week we’ll be discussing some of the basics surrounding poly dynamics, including:

– Common Terms

– Different Types of Poly Dynamics

– Parallel

– Kitchen Table Poly (KTP)

– Garden Party Poly (GPP)

– Households

– Fullfilling Needs

These are just a handful of topics involved with poly that will serve as an introduction for those who are new to the idea, and may even hold some new information for others in the community.  So let’s have a look at what we have here:

Common Terms – When it comes to poly dynamics, there are numerous terms that help folx in the community identify within a poly structure.  These are required because they can go from involving as little as 3 people, to several couples forming a ‘polycule’.  The term polycule is used to describe these structures that can often resemble a molecule if you mapped it out.  Some of the other common terms are:

– Primary Partner: As the name suggests, it’s the partner you consider your primary interest in the dynamic.

– Hinge Partner: The hinge is a person with two partners who typically don’t have much involvement or impact with each other, on being a primary and the other serving a different purpose.

– Metamour: This is the partner of your partner.

– Telemour: Out of all the terms, this won’t be used much in discussion as it refers to the partner of your metamour who isn’t involved in the relationship.

As you can already see, things can get complex in larger dynamics.

Different Types of Poly Dynamics – There are many different types of poly dynamics, and we’re going to continue with a brief description of the most common:

– Parallel: Parallel poly usually involves having multiple partners who have little or no contact with each other.

– Kitchen Table Poly (KTP): KTP is a form of poly where the metamours have contact with each other and are even friendly, like everyone being comfortable sitting at a table and having conversation.

– Garden Party Poly (GPP): GPP is a sort of middle ground between the first two described, and involves folx who don’t frequently interact with each other, but they’re comfortable meeting at parties and events.

– Households: This is how we’ll be referring to poly dynamics that run more along the lines of BDSM, and are often structured around discipline.  They tend to maintain a solid hierarchy among members of the household, and to be included a space must often be vacated.

Fulfilling Needs – This is something we’ll be bringing up quite often, as it is potentially one of the healthiest aspects of a poly dynamic.  This refers to a desire to see that the needs of your partner, even if you may not be able to fulfill those needs yourself.  A good example is if one partner needs BDSM to be a part of the relationship, but their partner just isn’t into it.  Rather than put themselves in an uncomfortable position, they agree that a play partner can fulfill those needs, and this doesn’t always mean sex.  More on that another time.

Again, these are just some of the basics to help familiarize you folx of what poly dynamic might look like, and we’ll be diving into greater depths in the coming weeks.  We’ll be continuing on with a more detailed look at parallel dynamics next week, before we get to the more complicated polycules.  I hope this information helps shed some light on poly dynamics, and we have a lot more to come.  Have a great week, have fun and play safe, folx.

The post Intro to Poly appeared first on Free the Kink.

Last week we discussed sadism, along with some of the responsibilities and safety precautions.  When it comes to a sadist’s wants and needs in a dynamic, they usually pair well with the other side of that coin, a masochist.  Today we’ll be having a look at masochism including some things that a masochist should be aware of during engagement.

Masochism is finding pleasure in pain and there are several ways this can manifest, as well as numerous reasons.  Some masochists may enjoy a certain type of pain like stinging, thuds, or even mental pain such as humiliation. Some others may not feel the pain at all, so much as a pleasurable sensation.  Many of the things that a masochist should be aware of run parallel to what a sadist should be considering, such as : safety, consent, PRICK/RACK, and aftercare.  There are some other things involved for the masochist in particular that need to be considered:

– Know and Communicate Your Limits

– Self-Awareness and Wellness

– The Difference Between Play and Abuse

– Communicating Expectations

– Ensuring Your Safety

These are all very important aspects to be aware of when indulging in masochism, and help to ensure a fun and safe experience.  It’s very easy to get carried away and lose focus of some of these during play, so it’s always important to go over these things with your partner frequently just in case something changes.  So let’s have a closer look:

Know and Communicate Your Limits – This is something that can take some time during discovery, but you need to be aware of your physical, mental, and emotional limitations.  We all have our limitations and shouldn’t push those limits unless done with awareness, care, and most importantly enthusiasm.  You also need to clearly communicate those limits with your partner, and be certain that they understand those limits.

Self-Awareness and Wellness – Just like being aware that you have limits, you also need to be aware of your current physical state as well as your state of mind.  This can affect what your limits are if there is something wrong or even a little off.  This is why it’s important to be sure that you are mentally emotionally and physically healthy before engaging in masochistic behaviors, and address any issues that may be present or potentially arise.  It’s good to discuss these things with your partner both before and after any scene/play.

The Difference Between Play and Abuse – This one is extremely important, and many folx who are new to the lifestyle or even occasional play frequently don’t know the difference.  Enthusiastic consent should be present without any form of coercion, and coercion is among the largest issue where the line is crossed into abuse.  Any form of coercion or manipulation most often leads to an abusive situation, often starting as mental abuse and moving into physical abuse.  This is a topic we will visit here very often in the future.

Communicating Expectations – Another important point to discuss is communicating your expectations from play or a dynamic, and these can often change depending on the type of play or scene.  Many masochists have a preferred type of pain and it’s important to discuss what you want and what you need, much like a submissive should.  The same goes for your partner expressing their expectations, because this will tell you if you will be a good fit during play.  If your needs can’t be met for whatever reason, it may be a reason to reconsider play with that partner.

Ensuring Your Safety – One of the most important things is to ensure your safety, and this involves several things including:

– Everything discussed above.

– Knowing your partner and developing a bond of trust.

– Being sure that proper precautions are taken.

– Establishing a ‘way out’ such as safe words or signals.

– Making sure that any aftercare or possible medical attention is available.

This is just a brief summary of some key points to keep in mind, but measures should be taken to ensure your own safety.  Your partner may not always be aware of what’s going on, and there is always potential for the unexpected.  It’s best to be prepared, not matter what the circumstances are.

Masochism is often the other half of sadism, and they function well together in BDSM dynamics but involve a measure of care before, during, and after play.  Before we wrap it up, it’s worth mentioning that not all masochists are submissive.  Some Dominants can enjoy pain as well, but this is more common in kink dynamics that can also function in similar ways to traditional BDSM dynamics.

We’ll be having a look at that in a few weeks, but until then we’ll be having a look at polyamory dynamics.  These dynamics function outside of BDSM for the most part, but they are also part of the kink community as a whole and also fall under the umbrella.  This will close out the general breakdown of BDSM with more on this in the near future, so have a great week, have fun and play safe, folx.

The post Masochism appeared first on Free the Kink.

Last week we had a look at submission, and the fact that just being submissive doesn’t remove responsibility for one’s own well-being.  Awareness is an important thing for either side of the slash in any type of BDSM dynamic, and is going to weigh in heavily with this week’s topic: Sadism.

Sadism forms another common part of the acronym in the lifestyle, and refers to those who enjoy to inflict pain.  This is most common with Dominants who have submissives who are masochists but not limited to this, depending on the dynamic.  More topics we’ll address down the road, and next week we’ll be talking about masochists to conclude the basic rundown of the BDSM acronym.

So there’s a lot to consider when it comes to sadism, and much of it involves the physical, mental, and emotional state of everyone involved, which boils down to awareness of the situation.  This is going to bring into play another couple of acronyms on safety, like the common SSC mentioned prior.  This will all focus on safety, awareness, and responsibility, because when it comes to inflicting pain in this lifestyle, there are many things that can go wrong.  Here are our focal point for today:

– Safety and Responsibility

– Establishing Consent and Limitations

– Preparation and Precautions

– PRICK and RACK

– Aftercare

– Embracing Your Sadism

– Selfcare and Guilt Assessment

There’s a lot to consider when we look at this and think about what these points actually mean.  For experienced members of the community, the first few points are a given to maintain a healthy dynamic.  The last few may even escape the attention of some seasoned members of thew community, and that’s part of what we’re doing here today.  Let’s dive in.

Safety and Responsibility – The first and foremost thing for any sadist to consider is safety, to be sure that their submissive is safe regardless of the extremeties of pain being inflicted.  The next key point to consider is responsibility, and this includes being responsible for creating a safe environment to engage in play as well as taking responsibility if things go too far.

Establishing Consent and Limitations – It’s also very important to communicate prior to play about consent and limitations, particularly dealing with anything that could possibly cause physical injury, emotional distress, or mental trauma.  This means a detailed discussion that may include histories of past traumas, and knowing what is not acceptable during play.

Preparations and Precations – When you intend to engage in any sadistic behavior, it’s extremely important to prepare first.  Know your tools, know the limitations of your sub, and have a plan in place if things go wrong.  This leads to precautions, where you should have first aid on hand if it should be needed, water, blankets, comfort items, and an emergency contact.  This one goes for both sides of the slash, in case someone is too caught up in a frenzy to think about proper precautions.

PRICK and RACK – Now I’ve mentioned SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual), and these two would be the evolution of that concept.  RACK would have followed SSC, and stands for Risk Awareness Consensual Kink.  This implies that all involved parties should be aware of the risks involved before consent.  The evolotion further goes unto PRICK, which stands for Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink.  This one takes it a step further, and focuses on folx taking responsibility for their knowledge and communication prior to the arrangement.

Aftercare – This is a topic you’ll see almost as much as communication and consent, but it’s really important here.  Many scenes that involve sadistic practices can be de-humanizing, brutal, and derogatory to a submissive, so aftercare is most often an essential focus.  The form it takes can vary from needing attention to needing time alone, but it needs to be addressed and includes any possible medical attention.

Embracing Your Sadism – The way society looks at this is like many aspects of our lifestyle, and they simply don’t understand it.  As a sadist myself, I have felt judgemental eyes on me based on how I handle a situation.  This even happens with partners in public, though I’m mindful on how I deal with things under watchful eyes.  For other sadists, this doesn’t change who we are or our place in this community.  Embrace who you are unapologetically, but be mindful of your submissive and your surroundings.

Selfcare and Guilt Assessment – This is relative to the previous bullet point, in the fact that we can sometimes feel guilt for the pain we inflict.  This is also something that needs to be addressed, and we have to accept the fact that sometimes we’ll need to take a moment to reflect.  This may even require that we take a moment to check in with our sub, and be sure that everything is ok.  This avoids potential Domdrop, which is another can of worms we’ll open up at a later date.

To wrap this all up, sadism is a very common practice in the lifestyle, but it also requires a great deal of awareness.  It includes being sure that your partner is willing to accomodate and especially enjoy as a masochist, and that you’re not coercing someone to suit your needs.

Next week we’ll be having a look at masochists and the role they play, which will conclude our general look at the BDSM acronym.  hope you have a great week, have fun and play safe, folx!

The post Sadism appeared first on Free the Kink.

Last week we discussed Domination, as well as some key points that Dominants should be aware of to maintain a healthy dynamic.  A large portion of that involved certain responsibilities that fall on the Dominant, but they are only part of the dynamic.  This week we’re going to have a look at the other side of the slash and discuss submission, which includes a general breakdown of things a submissive should be aware of.

For the most part a submissive can let go and get away from the stress of the rest of the world, under the control and guidance of a trusted Dominant.  This doesn’t mean that they have no responsibilities, or that they can rely on a Dominant for everything.  This is part of what we’re going to discuss today with another general breakdown involving:

– Self-awareness

– Service

– Obedience

– Respect vs Disrespect

– Identity

– Safety

As usual we’ll be doing a general breakdown of these topics, because there’s a lot of ground to cover and we’ll be covering it here in the future.  As a Dominant myself, I had the help of some submissives and switches to get a better perspective, so let’s dig in!

Self-awareness – This is a very broad topic, but much of the insight i gathered was focused around this topic.  One of the largest responsibilities a sub has to themself and the dynamic, is knowledge of self.  A sub needs to know what their boundaries and limitations are and communicate them clearly, which includes knowing the difference between their wants vs needs.  These are all crucial to understanding what you can and can’t consent to, and a responsible Dominant can help guide you through this process.  The only way to achieve all of these things is through self-exploration, and moreover being honest with yourself.

Service – A large part of submission to a Dominant involves service in many different forms, and the Dominant should make the submissive aware of how best to serve them.  These services can vary and aren’t always sexual in nature, including certain rituals, or duties, that ensure the dynamic functions properly.  These of course must be discussed and consented to.

Obedience – Another key part to submission is obedience, which includes providing services that were agreed upon and consented to.  This also includes following the Dominant’s instructions/orders, and performing in a manner that reflects well on their Dominant.  Obedience also requires discipline on occasion, which includes punishments to ensure any disobedience is corrected, which should also be within the consent agreement.

Respect vs Disrespect – One of the most important things for a submissive to take into account, is the line between respect and disrespect.  In most traditional BDSM dynamics this line is very clear, but in more recent types of dynamics the line can blur a bit.  A great example would be brat based dynamics which involve more of a power struggle than a power exchange, and we’ll be discussing that a lot further down the line.  A brief example would be a brat’s disobedience (which is contrary to the last point), where they may not always obey but never go so far as to be disrespectful.

Identity – This point is all about what type of submissive someone may be, and there are numerous types.  This doesn’t mean that a submissive might not display tendencies of several of these identities, but most will commonly relate to one in particular.  This topic is very broad with ever growing ways that subs will identify but to keep it generalized for discussion, there are very clear differences between someone who identifies as a sub and someone who identifies as a slave.  Most submissives retain their voice at all times, with the ability to either give or remove consent at any given time.  Slaves on the other hand often enter into ‘blanket consent’ contracts which gives their Dominant full control over them and every aspect of their being, but these agreements aren’t to be taken lightly.  They often involve years of work building trust and strengthening the dynamic, to know each other on a level that can surpass general intimacy.

Safety – I would say that this one goes above all for both sides of the slash, because we often find ourselves exploring potentially dangerous territory, and that’s all part of the fun!  Point blank…  BE SAFE!  For subs this means knowing about your limitations, establishing safe words and signals, and being sure you get the aftercare you need.  A sub also needs to carefully vet potential partners and be wary of those who are over eager or dismissive of their wants and needs.  No matter what the agreement, a submissive should ALWAYS have a way out!  This is important to take into consideration even in a long term trusted dynamic, beacause anything can happen at any time.  Even if the Dominant is confident in their ability to read their submissive, nobody is perfect and all it takes is one misinterpretation.  Please be safe.

Like the previous subjects discussed, we’re just brushing the surface of what BDSM, poly, and kink are all about.  We’re getting into the thick of things now, and we’ll be having a look at sadism and masochism in the next couple weeks.  Following that we’ll be taking a look at different poly dynamics, then diving down the rabbit-hole that is kink in general.

I hope you’re enjoying the content thus far, as we journey to help you along your journey to understand what’s under the umbrella.  Have a great week, have fun and play safe, folx.

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