When it comes to relationships, deciphering what you need versus what you want can feel like a tug of war between your inner toddler and your adult self. On one hand, you might think, “I need my partner to bring me breakfast in bed every Sunday.” But do you really need that? Or do you just want to feel pampered, which, let’s be honest, could also be achieved with a hot coffee and a compliment? Let’s break it down and add some humor to this journey of self discovery because nothing says “I’m learning about myself” like laughing along the way.

Needs (The Non Negotiable’s)

Let’s start with the essentials. Your needs in a relationship are the foundational elements that keep it from crumbling faster than a cookie under pressure. These are the things that, if missing, make the relationship unsustainable. Think of needs as the relationship equivalent to air, water, and Wi-Fi. You simply cannot function without them. And for many, needs may change over time as we learn more about ourselves. I know my needs have changed over the last 20 years.

Some common relationship needs might include

Trust (because who can handle a relationship built on paranoia? Not you.)

Respect (you’re not a doormat, so why let someone treat you like one?)

Communication (because guesswork is for guessing games, not love.)

Emotional support (having someone who’s got your back when you’re feeling like life’s punching bag.)

If any of these are consistently absent, it’s not just a “want” unfulfilled, it’s a deep need that’s being ignored. Without meeting these needs, your relationship will start to resemble a house built on sand, ready to collapse at the first sign of a storm. And when that house goes down, it’s not going to be pretty.

Wants (The Icing on the Cake)

Wants, on the other hand, are the nice to haves, the things that would make the relationship sparkle like a perfectly wrapped gift but without them, it won’t unravel. Think of wants as the Netflix subscription of your relationship, nice to have but not essential for survival.

Some wants might include

A partner who can cook like Gordon Ramsay. (Yes, please, but takeout exists.)

Weekend getaways to exotic destinations. (Wouldn’t hurt but your couch and Netflix can provide just as much relaxation.)

Someone who texts back within 0.3 seconds. (It’s nice for the ego, but they could just be doing real life stuff like driving or saving a kitten from a tree.)

Wants add flavor and excitement to the relationship, but here’s the kicker, you won’t always get what you want. And that’s okay. Sometimes you have to ask yourself, “If I don’t get this, can I still be happy in this relationship?” If the answer is yes, then congratulations! You’ve identified a want.

Navigating the Not Getting What You Want Scenario

Now let’s dive into what happens when you don’t get what you want. In relationships, it’s like ordering a fancy meal and receiving a side salad instead. Disappointing? Sure. Worth ending things over? Probably not.
When faced with unmet wants, ask yourself,

Is this truly important? (Will the lack of breakfast in bed make or break my happiness?)

Can I compromise? (Maybe we settle for breakfast on the couch.)

Is it worth a conversation? (Some wants are worth communicating about if they affect your overall satisfaction, but don’t approach it like you’re starting a war over an unwashed dish.)

Relationships are about compromise. So, if your partner isn’t giving you every little thing you desire, it doesn’t mean they’re failing you. It just means you’re both humans, not relationship robots programmed to serve up perfection 24/7.

The Tricky Part, When Needs Aren’t Met

If your relationship isn’t meeting your core needs, then you’ve got a bigger issue on your hands than just missing out on your morning cappuccino. Needs are non negotiable, and if your partner consistently disregards them, it’s time to have a serious chat or reconsider if this relationship is serving your well being.

Here’s the key: never compromise on your needs. It’s like deciding to live without oxygen m, you can survive for a bit, but it won’t end well.

If you’re feeling unsupported, disrespected, or like communication is pulling teeth, it’s worth addressing head on. Don’t wait until you’re two years in, arguing about why they didn’t text you back when the root problem is something deeper. This is so important because you can share and communicate a need a million times but if your partner can’t handle it or won’t handle it, then it may be time to consider things further. Be clear, be direct and for the love of all things holy, be open to listening when your partner shares their needs, too. Some people would rather stick their head in the sand than deal with tough situations no matter what you do.

How to Decipher Needs vs. Wants

Here’s a little exercise for when you’re trying to determine if something is a need or a want:

Ask yourself: “If I don’t get this, can I function happily in this relationship?”
• If the answer is “no,” it’s probably a need.
• If the answer is “yes, but I’ll be a little cranky,” it’s likely a want.

Visualize the worst case scenario. Will not getting what you want lead to the relationship’s downfall, or will you both find a way to laugh about it later? If you can imagine the two of you chuckling over it down the road, it’s likely a want.

Be honest…

Sometimes we think something is a need because we’re upset in the moment. But if you take a deep breath and reflect, you might realize you can do without it (even if that “it” is your partner forgetting your birthday again).

You Can’t Always Get What You Want, But You Do Deserve What You Need

The Rolling Stones had it right, you can’t always get what you want. But in relationships, if you try sometimes, you find… you do get what you need. The trick is being honest with yourself, your partner, and learning to distinguish between the two.

Also it is really important to remember that our needs may change over time. This can lead to unfortunate situations but must be dealt with.

So next time you’re feeling unfulfilled, take a moment to ask yourself, “Is this something I need for my happiness and well being, or is it just a fleeting want?” With a little introspection and some humor along the way you can navigate the delicate balance between needs and wants like a pro. And hey, if all else fails, there’s always takeout.

The post Needs vs. Wants in Relationships appeared first on Free the Kink.

While these dynamics offer deep connection and fulfillment, they also come with potential pitfalls when the power imbalance is not managed with care and responsibility. Let’s take a peek at some of the challenges that arise in power exchange relationships and how to avoid the common landmines.

The Allure of Power Imbalance

First, let’s acknowledge the elephant in the room, the power imbalance is the whole point! The Dominant takes control, the submissive relinquishes it. Done. But that simple exchange is built on trust, vulnerability and mutual understanding without those foundations it can quickly tip from empowering to problematic.

The key appeal in these dynamics is the clear delineation of roles. The Dominant holds the reins, the submissive finds comfort in structure and both parties engage in a dance of give and take. Sounds amazing right? But here’s where things get tricky. Unlike a choreographed waltz, a power exchange dynamic is more like an improvisational dance. The Dominant needs to be careful not to crush toes, while the submissive needs to be able to voice when something doesn’t feel right all while still maintaining the agreed upon roles. In theory, that sounds so simple doesn’t it. 

The Weight of Responsibility, Dominant Beware! (Check out my 15 part series on the weight of ownership to fully understand this.) 

Being the Dominant may look glamorous from the outside, but it comes with heavy responsibilities, more than just wielding control. A Dominant must always keep the submissive’s well being at the forefront. This means being attentive, thoughtful and dare I say it, responsible. Fail in this task and the once thrilling dynamic can become a toxic power grab. As Uncle Ben famously said, “With great power comes great responsibility”, a mantra every Dominant should take to heart.

So, what can go wrong? Let’s look at a few potential pitfalls. If a Dominant doesn’t check in emotionally or mentally with their submissive, they risk creating a power vacuum that leads to neglect. Similarly, micromanaging every little detail without leaving room for autonomy can feel suffocating. Both extremes can cause emotional stress and anxiety, turning what was meant to be an empowering experience into a lopsided power struggle. No one signed up for that!

And let’s be real, being a control freak can be exhausting. Sure, having someone do your bidding sounds great in theory. I mean who wouldn’t want a well trained foot massage on demand? But it’s the emotional stewardship that can be the most taxing. Neglect that duty and you’re inviting problems like resentment, dependency or, brace yourself, a breakdown in trust.

The Submissive’s Dilemma, Finding Voice in Vulnerability

On the other side of the coin, we have the submissive. While it’s easy to assume that the submissive is living the carefree life, following instructions and basking in their Dominant’s attention, the reality is that their role also comes with way more than its fair share of complexities and responsibilities. 

A common challenge submissives face is the fear of speaking up when something feels wrong. After all, in a dynamic where “submission” is the name of the game, how do you assert yourself without breaking the flow? This is where the importance of trust comes into play. A healthy power exchange relies on the submissive being able to communicate their limits, desires and boundaries without fear of repercussions.

If the submissive feels too disempowered or silenced they risk losing their sense of agency. In a twisted paradox, the very structure designed to empower them (through relinquishment of control) can end up making them feel powerless in the worst way. This leads to emotional burnout, resentment or even a complete breakdown of the relationship. No one wins when the dynamic shifts from power exchange to power over.

The Thin Line Between Fun and Danger

Here’s where things get spicy and potentially dangerous. The thrill of a power exchange comes from pushing boundaries and exploring desires. But if either party takes things too far, it can cause lasting emotional or even physical harm. Think of the power imbalance like cooking with hot sauce, a little spice can be exhilarating, but too much and it’s five alarm fire territory.

Both parties need to keep communication front and center. Regular check ins, safe words and clear boundaries are non negotiable. Ignoring these essentials can turn a power exchange from exciting to downright harmful or miserable. 

Humor can be a great buffer for tension in power dynamics. A well timed joke from the Dominant can remind the submissive that while power is serious, it’s not meant to be stifling. Likewise, a submissive who isn’t afraid to crack a smile or share their discomfort with a light hearted comment can keep things from feeling too heavy. After all, even the strictest Dominant would agree that a sense of humor keeps a relationship fresh and prevents it from feeling like a dictatorship.

How to Avoid the Pitfalls

So, what’s the best way to navigate the choppy waters of power imbalance? Like any good relationship, it starts with a strong foundation. Both the Dominant and the submissive must come to the table with a shared understanding of what the dynamic means to them, their boundaries and their goals.

Communication is Key

Sounds simple, but it’s often the hardest part. Regular check ins help avoid the buildup of resentment or misunderstanding.

Set Clear Boundaries

Know where the lines are emotionally, physically and mentally. Without boundaries, things can spiral into chaos quickly.

Check in with Yourself 

Both parties should self reflect on whether the dynamic is working for them. Is the Dominant feeling overwhelmed by responsibility? Is the submissive feeling unheard? Adjustments are not only allowed, they’re encouraged!

Use Humor to Defuse Tension

When things get too heavy, don’t be afraid to lighten the mood. A power exchange doesn’t have to feel like a court of law.

In the end, power exchange dynamics can offer incredible intimacy, trust and excitement. And each one is completely different and unique. But like anything worthwhile, they require care, attention and self-awareness. Neglect the balance and you’re in for trouble

After all, in this intricate dance of Dominance and submission, it’s the moments of vulnerability, connection and yes, even laughter, that truly keep things in balance. So go ahead, keep the reins tight but don’t forget to loosen them up every once in a while and enjoy the ride.

The post The Power Imbalance in Power Exchange Dynamics  appeared first on Free the Kink.

Discrediting Your Feelings and Experiences

One significant sign of gaslighting is when someone undermines or dismisses your emotions, opinions, or experiences. They may tell you that you’re too sensitive, overreacting, or imagining things. By invalidating your feelings, the gaslighter gains control and makes you doubt your own judgment.

Constant Denial and Contradiction

Gaslighters often deny things they previously said or done, making you question your memory or perception of events. They might flat-out deny or refute their actions, causing confusion and self doubt. Consistent contradiction creates a sense of instability, leaving you feeling unsure and vulnerable.

Manipulative Distortion of Facts

Gaslighters frequently twist facts, manipulate information, or selectively omit details to shape a narrative that suits their agenda. They may alter events, make false accusations, or even present alternative realities. This intentional distortion of facts makes it difficult for you to trust your own judgment and memories.

Blaming and Shifting Responsibility

A gaslighter consistently avoids taking responsibility for their actions and instead places blame on others. They may shift blame onto you or make you feel guilty for their behavior. By deflecting accountability, they maintain power and control, leaving you feeling guilty and responsible for their actions.

Isolation and Alienation

Gaslighters often isolate their victims from friends, family, or support networks. They may criticize your relationships, discourage you from spending time with loved ones, or even spread rumors to damage your social connections. This isolation enhances their control over you, making you more dependent on them for validation and support.

Gradual Erosion of Self Confidence

Over time, gaslighting can erode your self confidence and self esteem. The gaslighter may constantly belittle you, question your abilities, or make you feel inadequate. Their relentless criticism and undermining gradually diminish your self worth, making you more susceptible to their manipulation.

Gaslighter as the “Authority”

Gaslighters often position themselves as the ultimate authority, using their perceived power and knowledge to assert control. They may act condescendingly, patronize you, or behave as if their opinions and perspectives are the only valid ones. By positioning themselves as the dominant authority figure, they further undermine your confidence and autonomy.

Recognizing the signs of gaslighting is crucial in safeguarding your emotional well being and maintaining healthy relationships. Trust your instincts, seek support from trusted individuals, and consider professional help if needed. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect, empathy, and honesty in all your relationships.

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Establish Trust and Open Communication

Trust is the foundation of any BDSM relationship, and it becomes even more critical when dealing with past traumas. The Dominant must create an environment where the submissive feels safe to share their experiences and emotions without fear of judgment or re-traumatization. Encouraging open communication and active listening allows the Dominant to understand the submissive’s needs, triggers, and boundaries better.

Educate Yourself on Trauma

To effectively support a submissive with past traumas, the Dominant should invest time in educating themselves about trauma, its effects, and appropriate ways to address it. Understanding the psychological and emotional impact of trauma equips the Dominant with the knowledge necessary to approach the healing process in a sensitive and informed manner.

Practice Sensitivity and Patience

Recovery from trauma is a gradual process that requires patience and sensitivity from both the Dominant and the submissive. The Dominant should be aware that healing takes time and be prepared for setbacks along the way. By demonstrating patience, the Dominant helps create a safe space where the submissive feels accepted and supported in their journey of healing.

Establish Safe Triggers and Boundaries

Trauma can often manifest as triggers, which are reminders of past traumatic experiences that can induce intense emotional or physical reactions. The Dominant and submissive should work together to identify these triggers and establish clear boundaries to avoid inadvertently causing distress. Open dialogue about triggers can help the Dominant modify scenes, activities, or language to ensure the submissive’s emotional well being.

Create a Ritual of Consensual Consent

Consent plays a vital role in any BDSM relationship. Establishing a ritual of consensual consent, such as the use of safewords or other agreed upon signals, empowers the submissive and provides them with a sense of control. This practice allows the submissive to communicate their needs and limitations, ensuring their comfort and security throughout the dynamic.

Utilize Therapeutic Techniques

Drawing from therapeutic techniques can be helpful when assisting a submissive in addressing past traumas. The Dominant can collaborate with the submissive to identify strategies like grounding exercises, mindfulness techniques, or breathing exercises that aid in managing anxiety or triggering situations. These techniques can be integrated into scenes or used independently to support the submissive’s emotional well being.

Encourage Professional Support

While the Dominant can provide significant support, it is essential to acknowledge the limitations of their role. Encouraging the submissive to seek professional help from therapists or counselors who specialize in trauma can be invaluable. Professional guidance can offer additional tools, coping mechanisms, and a safe space for the submissive to process their experiences.

When a Dominant takes on the responsibility of supporting a submissive with past traumas, they are entrusted with a significant role in their healing journey. By establishing trust, practicing open communication, and nurturing a safe environment, the Dominant can create the foundation necessary for the submissive to heal and grow. Remember, every individual’s needs and experiences are unique, so adaptability, empathy, and a willingness to learn and adapt are crucial. Ultimately, the goal is to create a BDSM relationship that not only embraces consensual power dynamics but also provides a platform for healing and personal growth.

By acknowledging and addressing past traumas, the Dominant demonstrates their commitment to the well being of their submissive. Together, they can explore new boundaries, rebuild trust, and foster a sense of empowerment. It is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and ongoing communication.

However, it’s essential to note that the role of a Dominant is not that of a therapist or a substitute for professional help. Encouraging the submissive to seek professional support is crucial in providing comprehensive care. Professional therapists can offer specialized guidance and therapeutic techniques tailored to the submissive’s specific needs.

Remember, every individual’s healing journey is unique, and it may require adapting and adjusting techniques along the way. With a commitment to ongoing support and a focus on consent, a Dominant can provide the foundation for their submissive’s healing, helping them reclaim their power and create a fulfilling BDSM dynamic built on trust, growth, and mutual respect.

The post Nurturing Healing – How a Dominant Can Support Their Submissive in Dealing with Past Traumas appeared first on Free the Kink.

Prioritize Open Communication

Effective communication serves as the foundation for intimacy in any relationship. Create a safe space where both you and your partner can express your thoughts, feelings, and desires openly and honestly. Practice active listening, giving your undivided attention, and showing empathy towards each other. Regularly check in with each other, discussing both the joys and challenges you face. By fostering open communication, you create an atmosphere of trust and understanding, strengthening the intimacy between you.

Nurture Emotional Connection

Emotional intimacy thrives when partners feel emotionally connected and supported. Make an effort to understand your partner’s emotional needs and be responsive to them. Engage in activities that promote emotional bonding, such as sharing your dreams and fears, expressing gratitude, and engaging in quality time together. Show empathy and validate each other’s emotions, creating an environment where both partners feel safe and understood. By nurturing emotional connection, you enhance intimacy and deepen your emotional bond.

Explore Shared Interests

Discovering and exploring shared interests can be a wonderful way to foster intimacy in a relationship. Find activities or hobbies that you both enjoy and engage in them together. It could be anything from cooking together, taking dance classes, or going on outdoor adventures. By participating in shared activities, you create opportunities for quality time, collaboration, and mutual growth. Engaging in new experiences together strengthens the bond between partners and provides a shared sense of excitement and fulfillment.

Practice Physical Affection

Physical affection is an integral part of intimacy. From holding hands to cuddling and kissing, physical touch helps maintain a strong connection between partners. Make a conscious effort to incorporate physical affection into your daily routine. Take time to hug, cuddle, or kiss your partner, even during the busiest of days. Engaging in non-sexual physical touch fosters feelings of closeness and reassurance. Remember, small gestures of physical affection can go a long way in nurturing intimacy and strengthening your bond.

Prioritize Quality Time

In our fast paced lives, it’s easy to get caught up in work and other commitments, neglecting the quality time we spend with our partners. However, dedicating uninterrupted time solely for each other is crucial for building intimacy. Set aside regular date nights or create rituals that allow you to connect on a deeper level. It could be cooking a meal together, going for a walk, or simply having a technology free evening. Quality time enables partners to engage in meaningful conversations, share experiences, and deepen their understanding of each other, fostering intimacy and a sense of togetherness.

Cultivating intimacy requires effort, understanding, and a commitment to strengthening the connection between partners. By prioritizing open communication, nurturing emotional connection, exploring shared interests, practicing physical affection, and prioritizing quality time, you can create a thriving atmosphere of intimacy in your relationship. Remember, intimacy is an ongoing process that requires consistent attention and care. Embrace these tips, adapt them to your unique relationship, and watch as your bond deepens and flourishes.

The post 5 Effective Tips for Cultivating Intimacy in Your Relationship appeared first on Free the Kink.

The process of making a bullwhip is a complex one that requires a great deal of skill and attention to detail.

Materials Used in Bullwhips:

-Leather is the primary material used in the construction of bullwhips. Cowhide or kangaroo hide is the most common type of leather used. The type of leather used in a bullwhip can have a significant impact on its performance and durability.

-Kangaroo leather is particularly popular among whip makers because it is both lightweight and strong. It also has a unique grain pattern that makes it aesthetically pleasing.

-Nylon is another material that is sometimes used in bullwhip construction. Nylon whips tend to be more affordable than leather whips, but they do not have the same level of quality and durability as leather whips.

Making a Bullwhip

The process of making a bullwhip typically begins with selecting the right materials. The whip maker will choose a type of leather that is appropriate for the desired length and flexibility of the whip. Once the leather has been selected, it is cut into long, narrow strips that will form the braided portion of the whip.

The strips of leather are then soaked in water to make them more pliable. The whip maker will then begin braiding the strips together, using a particular pattern that gives the whip its distinctive look and feel.

Once the braiding is complete, the whip maker will attach a handle to the end of the whip. The handle may be made from a variety of materials, including wood, bone, or plastic. The handle is then wrapped in leather or some other material to provide a comfortable grip for the user.

Finally, the whip maker will apply a finishing coat to the whip to protect it from the elements and give it a polished appearance.

If you are interested in learning more about bullwhips, be sure to do your research, both in seeking out reputable whip makers who can provide you with a high-quality product and in learning how to use this powerful implement.

The post What is a Bullwhip? appeared first on Free the Kink.

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So, with that being said and the millions of other examples that could be shared, is there really anyone who lives a real 24/7 dynamic LS? My answer is a loudly shouted YES…

See living 24/7 is in the striving to live by a set of mutually agreed upon and beneficial protocols. It’s the journey that makes the dynamic special. Always trying to be better for each other and to fulfill the bonds of your agreements to each other. Nowhere in life is perfection expected or even thought of as possible. So why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect in our dynamics? Why do we not give ourselves and our partners the understanding that no one and nothing is perfect? Does that come from a place of trying to prove ourselves to the community? Does it come from a place and desire to be the perfect Dom or sub? I don’t know the why’s, but I do know that putting that kind of pressure on each other will only end in massive disappointment and most likely a doomed dynamic.

So yes, 24/7 exists and all that means is that we live 24 hours a day, 7 days a week trying to be a better version of ourselves for both us and our partner. It means we do our best to live within the confines of our consensually and mutually agreed upon covenants and that we are focused on self and team growth every day.

Enjoy this journey folks and remember that it is not always so easy and/or cut and dry.

The post So, you’re really 24/7? Really? appeared first on Free the Kink.

Impact play is by far one of my favorite kinks and the most common in my daily  life. I am committed to turning anything into an impact tool. In this first section, we will discuss the basics before impact play. We will also discuss Prep and headspace, spankings, flogging, whipping, caning and tips to avoid leather butt. 

First things first. A common knowledge of the human body is critical and if you  don’t take the time to do your research, you should not be practicing impact play.  Just like bondage, there are areas of the body that if struck could cause serious  injury or death, so do your homework. I do not subscribe to “safe play” of any  kind, but a lack of knowledge puts your bottom in unnecessary and careless  danger. 

Secondly, bottoms, you have a responsibility to ensure that the Top you are  entrusting yourself to displays the knowledge to sufficiently execute proper  impact play. If you are a bottom and a Top who are learning this journey for the  first time, then you both should be learning together to avoid costly mistakes. 

Safewords and safe signals are an individual dynamic issue. However, in my  personal opinion, if you are with play partners or people who do not know you  and your physical reactions well, have something in place. 

If limits apply to the scenario, then they need to be thoroughly discussed and  expressly agreed upon prior to any play of any kind. Limits are like safewords and  are dynamic dependent. Again, in my opinion, with play partners or people who  do not know you and your physical reactions well, have something in place. 

Understanding the implements of your chosen craft are very important and will  be something the Top will have to explore to find their favorites. I personally love whips more than floggers, but I adore canes above all others. I personally do not  like wood implements, so you see everyone is different and it takes homework  and practice. Just don’t be afraid to branch out and try new things. 

Practice first, play later. When playing with an implement for the first time, don’t  just come out of the box swinging. Use things like pillows to take some practice 

swats, get a good feeling for the implement. The weight, how it handles, how  hard does it come down and so forth. Sometimes a melon is a great way to test a  new implement. These are questions you, as a Top, need to know before you use  it on your bottom. In my personal opinion, I feel you should be willing to test an  impact tool on yourself as well. You should have some idea of what the tool feels  like, so that you can understand how to use it better. 

This list is by no means comprehensive, it is just scratching the surface. But at the  very least, these things need to be taken seriously before you venture into any  type of serious impact play. 

What are some of the things you do before you use impact play in your scene? 

 Let’s talk about prep

I am a big believer in preparation before a good impact session. I like to bring my  bottom into a certain headspace. Usually I enjoy bringing her to at least one  orgasm, so she is relaxed and euphoric. I like to talk a lot so I can get her mind  thinking. The scene I am trying to create will dictate what I say and how I say it.  Tone is just as important as the words themselves. 

Another thing that I like doing is massaging my bottom’s globes (the round fatty  part of the butt), getting her muscles nice and relaxed. I like to use oils vs lotions during a massage. 

Something a friend recently taught me was to apply heat to the butt as part of the  prep process. Heat will help blood flow and gives the skin more elasticity. Heat application, such as a heating pad, can help the bottom relax and loosens the  tissue around the heated area. The best part of heat in my opinion, is how it  makes such a significant increase in the bruises that are left behind. It really  intensifies the marks.

Timing in between strikes and intensity of the impact is also a critical component  of an impact session. Coming out of the gate swinging at full scale can sometimes  reduce the length of time a session can last. Starting off slow and easy, taking  small little breaks to rub and massage. Maybe even heating the area back up from  time to time can all have a positive outcome to the session. Only using full force  (this is dynamic specific) for the last 10-15 minutes of the session is also recommended. 

What are some things you do for Prep prior to impact play? 

Implements (My Personal Favorite) 

Whips – I enjoy using whips, only second to my canes. My favorite aspect of the  whip is the sound it makes as it cracks off the butt of my bottom. I focus more on  delivering a stingy sensation during my whip play. The sting sensation is felt  primarily on the surface of the skin and leaves very beautiful marks. I enjoy the  snapping, because it is common to split the skin. (Not for the faint of heart or  inexperienced). However, the whip is capable of delivering a serious thud if that’s your thing. It’s all in the techniques you use. Some common techniques are overhand, circus crack or reverse snap. 

Canes – My absolute favorite impact tool. First, you have to decide what type of  material you will use natural or synthetic. Some natural options are Bamboo,  Rattan and Reed. Natural canes are more difficult to use and care for but are  worth it. I personally like Bamboo. It does however require good maintenance because if it dries out, it will crack, and they are not cheap. Some good synthetic options are Fiberglass, Plastic or Carbon Fibre. Plastic is a great choice for beginners, since it does not require much care and is extremely flexible and easy  to control.

Floggers – Floggers are versatile and come in many options for material and style.  There are so many techniques to master, flogging can provide a lot of fun and  new learning experiences for a very long time. For me personally, I am focused on  trying to learn to Dual Wield and ultimately be able to Florentine. 

Avoiding Leather Butt 

What is leather butt? It is a condition that forms from receiving regular, hard spankings over a long period of time. Tends to leave the buttocks leathery from built up scar tissue and desensitized from nerve damage. A couple tips on avoiding this: switch implements often, use lotions and oils on the butt, or soak in a warm bath. These methods will help recuperate the cells in the rump. However, the only real way to avoid this is to take longer breaks in between impacting areas that begin to lose sensation or start to need much harder impacts to give care to those areas. You can still enjoy impact during this time, just utilize other areas  such as thighs, calves or feet.  

Final thoughts

 No matter what techniques you are using or what implement you prefer, the  most important things are these. Take time to learn your implements and know  the human body so you can deliver your strikes without hitting the no-go zones.  Keep an open mind and open communication. Study, learn, and research. I love to  impact but I am just scratching the surface. It is a journey and as long as you don’t  ever give up learning and experimenting, you can enjoy impact as a lifelong  pleasure, no matter what side of the slash you’re on.

The post Impact Play appeared first on Free the Kink.

A Play Party is a social gathering of people with an interest in kink or BDSM that usually happens in a more private setting. Unlike Munches, the gathering will typically have kink activities going on. This may include everything from instructional guides to full-on scenes. Some Play Parties will have open invitations, but many are by invite only. One great way to find Play Parties is at Munches. Meeting people and allowing them to get to know you will be your best bet to get invited to one. Protocols for Play Parties can be and often times are very strict.

Play Party Protocols:

The following are typical Protocols that you will find at most Play Parties. This list is definitely not comprehensive but it’s a good start.

First, at Play Parties you will usually find what’s referred to as a Dungeon Monitor also known as a Dungeon Master or DM. These individuals have absolute final say in everything. Make no mistake, take heed to what they say or you’ll be out. Their job is to make sure the rules are followed. Remember in many places, our communities are tightly connected and a bad reputation can spread fast.

    1.    Never touch someone without explicit permission.
    2.   Never touch someone’s equipment or other personal items without permission.
    3.   Don’t forget your photo ID.
    4.    Never involve yourself in a scene in anyway without invitation.
    5.    Never walk in front of an active scene, through an active scene or disrupt an active scene for any reason.
    6.    Do not be overly loud, chatty or disruptive while scenes are going on in play areas.
    7.    Keep all play in the designated play areas.
    8.    Clean up after yourself. Not just play spaces, but your trash or mess as well. Remember the people that host these and those working the party are often times volunteers.
    9.    Always verify if nudity of any kind is allowed. Don’t assume.
     10.     “No” means “no” and in this situation, you’re not owed any explanations.
     11.    Please remember DMs have a lot going on. They can’t read your mind. Tell them if you need something. Just be respectful.
     12.    DMs are not there to hook you up with people to play with.
     13.    Space and time may be limited, so do not overstay or hog play equipment.
     14.    Please remember that in many circumstances alcohol cannot be present. If that’s the case DO NOT try and sneak it in.
     15.    Most parties have a “no picture” rule. Part of protecting that is the “no cell phone” rule. Unless otherwise instructed DO NOT take out your cell phone for any reason.
     16.    In the absence of a safe word “RED” is the default typically.
     17.    DMs will always side with safety, they don’t care you’ve done something a thousand times. Listen to them anyway.
    18.    Never walk away from a bound bottom. If you need to step away for any reason, you must get someone to watch them first.
    19.    Treat everyone with respect. Doms, Masters, subs, slaves, switches Tops, bottoms, etc.
   20.    If you break a rule, it’s your fault for not verifying the rules beforehand.
   21.    Always show respect to the host(s) by thanking them for the invitation.

There is usually a list of rules provided so make sure you have it and read it. Failure to do so may make this party, your last party.

Have you ever attended a play party? What was your experience like? Do you know of more protocols that might be important for others to know?

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