What is Impact Play?

Impact play involves striking the body with various implements to create a range of sensations, from light tingles to intense stings. It’s a popular form of BDSM play that can be both intensely pleasurable and profoundly intimate. The key is to find the right balance between intensity and safety, ensuring that both partners enjoy the experience.

The Basics of Impact Play

Understanding Sensations

Impact play can produce a variety of sensations, depending on the type of implement and the force used. Here are a few common sensations:

• Thuddy: Deep, heavy impact that feels like a punch or a drumbeat.
• Stingy: Sharp, surface-level impact that can feel like a slap or a sting.
• Warming: A gradual buildup of heat in the skin, often from repeated strikes.

Communication is Key

Before you start, have an open and honest discussion with your partner about boundaries, limits, and safe words. Establishing clear communication ensures that both of you feel safe and respected throughout the scene.

Tools of the Trade

There’s a wide array of implements you can use for impact play, each offering unique sensations. Let’s explore some popular choices:

Hands

Your hands are the most versatile and accessible tools for impact play. Spanking with your hand allows for close, intimate contact and easy control over the intensity of the strikes.

Paddles

Paddles come in various materials, such as wood, leather, and silicone. They offer a broad surface area for thuddy impacts and can range from gentle to intense.

Floggers

Floggers have multiple tails made of leather, suede, or other materials. They can produce both thuddy and stingy sensations, depending on how they’re used. A skilled flick of the wrist can create a cascade of delightful sensations.

Canes

Canes are typically made of rattan, bamboo, or synthetic materials. They deliver a sharp, stingy impact and should be used with precision. Caning can leave distinctive marks and requires careful aim to avoid injury.

Whips

Whips, such as single-tail whips, can be extremely intense and require a high level of skill to use safely. They deliver sharp, focused impacts and are best suited for the experienced.

Techniques for Impact Play

Warm-Up

Start with light, gentle strikes to warm up the skin and muscles. This not only reduces the risk of injury but also builds anticipation and enhances sensation. Gradually increase the intensity as your partner becomes more relaxed and aroused.

Variety is the Spice of Life

Mixing up your techniques keeps the experience exciting and unpredictable. Alternate between different implements, strike locations, and intensities. Use a combination of thuddy and stingy impacts to create a dynamic and engaging scene.

Focus on Safe Zones

Target areas that are fleshy and muscular, such as the buttocks, thighs, and upper back. Avoid bony or sensitive areas like the kidneys, spine, and joints. Safe zones allow for deeper, more satisfying impacts with less risk of injury.

Check-Ins

Regularly check in with your partner to ensure they’re comfortable and enjoying the experience. Look for non-verbal cues, such as body language and breathing patterns, in addition to verbal feedback. Use your agreed upon safe words to gauge their level of consent and readiness to continue.

Safety Tips for Impact Play

Know Your Anatomy

Understanding human anatomy is crucial for safe impact play. Familiarize yourself with the locations of bones, nerves, and sensitive organs to avoid causing unintended harm.

Use Safe Words

Safe words are essential for maintaining consent and safety during play. Choose an easily recognizable word that can be used to stop the scene immediately if necessary. Additionally, consider using a “yellow” safe word to indicate the need to slow down or reduce intensity.

Inspect Your Implements

Regularly inspect your implements for any signs of wear and tear. Splintered wood, cracked leather, or frayed materials can cause injury. Keep your tools clean and well maintained to ensure they’re safe to use.

Practice Aftercare

Aftercare is the time spent comforting and caring for your partner after a scene. Impact play can be physically and emotionally intense, so it’s important to provide reassurance and affection. Offer water, blankets, and gentle touch to help them come down from the adrenaline high. Discuss the scene, share your feelings, and ensure that both of you feel connected and supported.

Start Slow

If you’re new to impact play, start slow and gradually build up your skills and confidence. Practice your techniques on a pillow or other inanimate object to get a feel for the implements and their effects. As you become more comfortable, you can explore more intense and complex scenes.

The Thrill of Impact Play

Impact play is a thrilling and versatile aspect of BDSM that can bring you closer to your partner and deepen your understanding of each other’s desires. By mastering the techniques and prioritizing safety, you can create exhilarating and memorable experiences.

Remember, communication, consent, and care are the cornerstones of any successful BDSM activity. So grab your favorite implements, set the stage, and let your imagination run wild. May your adventures in impact play be as safe as they are sensational!

The post Impact Play- Techniques and Safety Tips appeared first on Free the Kink.

The Reality is Routine Can Creep In

First, let’s talk about the elephant in the room, routine. The very thing that gives you comfort such as knowing exactly when your partner will steal the covers can sometimes dull the excitement. It’s natural for couples to settle into patterns, but when your romantic life starts feeling more like a chore list or Christmas wish list rather than a wild adventure, it’s time to shake things up.

Challenge #1: Life’s Relentless Interruptions

It seems that as soon as you make plans to “spice things up,” life decides to intervene. The dog gets sick, the kids suddenly can’t find anything for school, or you both fall into bed after a long day just wanting to sleep for 12 hours straight. By the time you’re actually alone, your idea of getting wild is ordering Thai food without checking the Yelp reviews.

Solution

Make Time, Don’t Wait for Time

Scheduling intimacy might not sound sexy at first, but think of it like booking a vacation, anticipation builds excitement. Pencil in time for each other, but keep it flexible. Even if life throws a curveball, like the dog deciding your sexy mood music is their cue to howl along, laugh it off. Embrace those chaotic moments and make a point to focus on each other when it calms down.

Challenge #2: The Fear of Suggesting Something New

We get it. Suggesting something new can be intimidating, especially if you’ve been together a while. One of the most common questions at FTK is “how do I get my partner to try X?” It’s easy to worry about being judged or sounding like you’ve just read a “50 Tips to Woo Your Partner” listicle from 2011. But here’s the thing, novelty is key to excitement. It’s not about outlandish ideas or making drastic changes all at one time, it’s about exploring together in ways that make you both feel good.

Solution

Open Communication with a Side of Humor

The best way to approach this is with a dash of humor and openness. Say something like, “Hey, I read about this thing, and I thought it could be fun, what do you think?” Keep the conversation light and be open to their thoughts. The goal is to create a space where you can both be curious and playful, rather than nervous or self conscious.

If all else fails, you can always blame it on the internet: “So, I saw this thing on TikTok, and apparently everyone’s trying it…” Sometimes, just framing it as a bit of an adventure can take the pressure off and lead to a fun, shared experience.

Challenge #3: Navigating Mismatched Libidos

Here’s the not so secret truth about relationships, people have different levels of desire at different times. You might be ready to reenact a steamy romance scene while your partner is more in the mood for a nap after too many tacos. It’s a normal part of life, but it can cause frustration if you’re not careful.

Solution

Embrace the Ebbs and Flows

The key here is understanding and patience. Recognize that desire ebbs and flows naturally and rather than forcing the issue use it as an opportunity to connect in other ways. Sometimes, a slow burn is even better than a sudden spark. Offer affection in non physical forms like a backrub or a heartfelt compliment and let things evolve organically.

Of course, it helps if you can laugh about it. A well timed joke about “romancing the tacos” or pretending to “woo” your partner with your smooth cooking skills can diffuse any awkwardness. Especially for me because I can burn water. The idea is to stay connected even when things aren’t as hot and heavy as you’d like.

Challenge #4: Getting Out of a Rut

Every couple hits that point where they’ve tried all their go to moves and feel like they’re stuck in a loop. Same routine, same positions, same playlist, seriously, is it time to retire that one Marvin Gaye song yet?. The rut can leave you both feeling like you’ve plateaued.

Solution

Get Creative, Start Small

Expanding your intimate life doesn’t mean you have to leap into anything extreme. Start small, try changing up your environment, hotel stays or even camping in the backyard for a night, experimenting with different kinds of touch or playing with the mood lighting in your home. Bring humor into the mix, pretend like you’re characters from a movie, because who doesn’t like a little role play? Anything that breaks the routine can add freshness to your connection.

You can also try sharing fantasies in a light hearted way. Turn it into a game where each of you writes down an idea and you randomly pick one to explore together. The point isn’t to pressure anyone, it’s to laugh, connect and discover what feels fun and exciting.

Challenge #5: Feeling Out of Sync

You know that feeling where everything’s going great, except you’re just not in sync? You’re into candlelight, they’re into dim lamps. You’re ready for action but they’re thinking about tomorrow’s to do list. It happens to the best of us.

Solution

Build Emotional and Physical Intimacy Together

To sync up, focus on emotional connection as much as the physical side. Engage in activities that foster closeness whether it’s a long conversation, sharing a hobby or a spontaneous date or kink night. The closer you feel emotionally, the more likely you’ll feel in sync physically. Humor helps here, too.

Playfully acknowledge when you’re out of sync and use it as an opportunity to regroup, “Maybe we need a couple’s retreat, all the way to the fridge for snacks!”

Sometimes, just recognizing that you’re out of sync, sharing a laugh about it and trying again later can relieve the tension and bring you back together.

Keep the Fun Alive, Don’t Take It All Too Seriously

At the end of the day the secret to keeping your intimate life exciting is to not take it too seriously. Relationships thrive on fun, playfulness and humor, so don’t be afraid to laugh together, especially when things don’t go as planned. Stay curious about each other, communicate openly and most importantly, have fun.

Remember, expanding your intimate life doesn’t have to mean overhauling it, it’s about making small tweaks, exploring together and keeping a sense of adventure. Even if that adventure sometimes involves pizza, pajamas and reruns of your favorite show, you’re still building intimacy in ways that are uniquely yours. And that’s where the magic lies.

The post How to Keep the Spark Alive appeared first on Free the Kink.

The Power of Role Playing

Role playing is the art of stepping into a character or scenario to explore fantasies and deepen connections. It’s a playground for your imagination where the boundaries of reality blur, and the possibilities are endless. By embracing different roles, you and your partner can experience new facets of your dynamic and intensify your bond.

Scenario 1: The Naughty Student and Strict Teacher

Channel your inner rebel or disciplinarian with this classic scenario. The student has been misbehaving and must be taught a lesson by the strict teacher. This dynamic allows for a delicious mix of power exchange, anticipation, and playful punishment.

Setup:

• Costumes: A school uniform for the student and professional attire for the teacher.
• Props: A desk, ruler, chalkboard, and detention slips.
• Dialogue: Establish the misbehavior and the consequences. Use phrases like, “You’ve been very naughty,” and “You must be punished.”

Tips:

• Build tension by making the student confess their misdeeds.
• Incorporate light spanking or other punishments agreed upon during pre scene negotiations.
• Ensure aftercare is provided, especially after intense scenes.

Scenario 2: The Captive and Captor

Feel the thrill of capture and surrender with this adventurous scenario. One partner is the daring spy or runaway who has been caught and must face the whims of their captor. This dynamic is perfect for exploring themes of control and submission.

Setup:

• Costumes: Comfortable, easy-to-remove clothes for the captive and dark, authoritative attire for the captor.
• Props: Rope or cuffs for bondage, a blindfold, and a sturdy chair.
• Dialogue: Establish the captive’s “crimes” and the captor’s intentions. Use phrases like, “You’ll tell me everything,” and “I’m in control now.”

Tips:

• Enhance the scene with light interrogation and teasing.
• Ensure all bondage is safe and consensual with clear safe words and signals.
• Use sensory deprivation, like blindfolds, to heighten the captive’s anticipation and vulnerability.

Scenario 3: The Royalty and Servant

Step into a world of luxury and servitude with the royalty and servant scenario. One partner plays the demanding monarch, while the other is their obedient servant. This scenario is excellent for exploring service dynamics and pampering.

Setup:

• Costumes: Regal attire for the royalty and simple, humble clothes for the servant.
• Props: A throne or plush chair, a feather duster, and various items for pampering.
• Dialogue: Establish the royalty’s demands and the servant’s duties. Use phrases like, “You will serve me,” and “As you wish, my liege.”

Tips:

• Focus on acts of service, like massages, feeding, or grooming.
• Incorporate elements of worship and adoration.
• The servant should always seek to please and anticipate the royalty’s needs, enhancing the power dynamic.

Scenario 4: The Doctor and Patient

Dive into a medical fantasy with the doctor and patient scenario. One partner is the thorough doctor, while the other is the nervous patient in need of a “special” examination. This scenario is perfect for those who enjoy authority, examination, and care dynamics.

Setup:

• Costumes: A lab coat and stethoscope for the doctor and a hospital gown for the patient.
• Props: Medical tools (real or fake), a table or bed, and latex gloves.
• Dialogue: Establish the patient’s “symptoms” and the doctor’s authority. Use phrases like, “Let’s see what’s wrong,” and “This might feel a little uncomfortable.”

Tips:

• Focus on gentle, consensual touch and exploration.
• Incorporate elements of vulnerability and trust.
• Ensure all activities are consensual and within comfort zones, with clear safe words and signals.

Scenario 5: The Explorer and Jungle Native

Embark on an exotic adventure with the explorer and jungle native scenario. One partner is the intrepid explorer, while the other is the wild native who captures them. This dynamic allows for playful exploration and power exchange.

Setup:

• Costumes: Safari gear for the explorer and tribal attire for the native.
• Props: Rope or vine for bondage, a camp setup, and jungle sounds.
• Dialogue: Establish the explorer’s capture and the native’s curiosity or dominance. Use phrases like, “You’re my prisoner now,” and “I must learn your ways.”

Tips:

• Play with themes of curiosity, discovery, and cultural exchange.
• Enhance the scene with role-specific rituals or activities.
• Ensure all activities are safe, consensual, and respectful of cultural themes.

Tips for Successful Role Playing

Communication is Key: Before diving into any role play, discuss boundaries, limits, and safe words. Ensure both partners are comfortable and excited about the scenario.

Stay in Character: Immerse yourself fully in the role for a more authentic and enjoyable experience. Use costumes, props, and dialogue to enhance the fantasy.

Be Flexible: While staying in character is fun, be open to adjusting the scene if something isn’t working or if either partner feels uncomfortable.

Prioritize Aftercare: After an intense scene, take time to provide aftercare. This can include cuddling, discussing the scene, or any other activities that help both partners come down from the high.

Unleash Your Imagination

Role playing is a fantastic way to add excitement and depth to your dynamic. By stepping into different characters and scenarios, you can explore new fantasies, strengthen your bond, and create unforgettable experiences. So, let your imagination run wild, communicate openly with your partner, and embark on these thrilling adventures together. Happy Role Playing Everyone!

The post Role Playing Scenarios to Spice Up Your Scene appeared first on Free the Kink.

Ah, compersion, the elusive, unicorn like feeling that every polyamorous person aspires to. If you’ve ever experienced that warm glow of happiness when your partner is off having fun with someone else, instead of hiding under the bed with a bag of chips and Netflix, congratulations, you’ve tapped into compersion. In polyamory, it’s the emotional equivalent of cheering your partner on as they enjoy another relationship, without feeling the need to launch a jealous coup.

But let’s be real, compersion is a bit of a tricky beast. It’s not always the default emotion, especially when you’ve been conditioned by a lifetime of rom coms to believe that love is all about “finding the one” and holding on for dear life. Polyamory challenges that notion by saying, “Hey, maybe there’s more than one ‘one’?” and then expects you to feel good about it. Easy, right? Spoiler alert, not always.

In this article we’ll break down what compersion is, why it’s hard sometimes and most importantly, how you can make it easier to high five your partner as they gallop off into the sunset with someone else.

So, What Exactly Is Compersion?

Think of compersion as the warm, fuzzy feeling you get when your best friend wins the lottery except instead of money, your partner’s winning love, affection and let’s be honest, probably some very fun dates. You’re genuinely happy for them, even if you’re not directly involved.

It’s like watching someone eat cake and being happy that they’re enjoying it, even if you didn’t get a slice. But in polyamory, it’s deeper than just passive acceptance, it’s about actively finding joy in your partner’s happiness, knowing that love isn’t a zero sum game. Who knew love could be like the cake in “Mythbusters”, it’s actually infinite.

Now, before you break out the balloons and streamers to celebrate your partner’s latest love interest, let’s talk about the challenges.
Because despite the sunshine and rainbows vision of compersion, it doesn’t come without its roadblocks.

The Challenges of Compersion
Or, “Why It’s Hard Not to Throw a Tantrum Sometimes”

Jealousy, Insecurity and the Green Eyed Monster

Picture this, your partner texts you to say they’re having an amazing time with someone new. Your brain immediately responds with, “Yay for them!” right? Yeah, sometimes. Other times, it’s more like, “Oh no, what if they like that person way more than me? What if they realize they’ve been settling and run off to start a new life?” Cue, the Green-Eyed Monster.

Jealousy is a natural and normal human emotion and it has a nasty habit of creeping in when we least expect it. Even the most compersive person can have a jealous meltdown when insecurities start whispering in their ear.

Solution

First, breathe. Jealousy isn’t an evil villain you need to banish, it’s just a signal that something deeper is happening. Have a heart to heart with yourself first. What’s really going on? Are you feeling left out? Unappreciated? Or is it simply that society drilled into your head that love should be exclusive? Talk to your partner about it. Nine times out of ten, the reality isn’t as scary as the story you’re telling yourself.

The Baggage of Monogamy

Society tells us that true love is exclusive. From childhood, we’ve been spoon fed stories where “happily ever after” means one person, forever, end of story. So when you’re trying to feel compersion in a polyamorous setup, you’re basically undoing a lifetime of conditioning. No big deal right?

Solution

You have to remind yourself that love is not a limited resource like the last slice of pizza at a party. It’s more like a never ending pizza buffet you can always make more! Surround yourself with poly positive resources like books, podcasts and communities where people understand this stuff. The more you immerse yourself in alternative narratives about love, the easier it becomes to shrug off monogamy baggage.

The Fear of Being Replaced

Okay, this is a big one. What if they fall head over heels in love with this new person and suddenly forget you exist? What if they realize this new partner is more fun, smarter or has a better Netflix queue? Many have been there and trust me, the fear of being replaced is very real.

Solution

Reinforce your connection with your partner. Regular check ins and reassurance go a long way. Your partner is with you for a reason and it’s not just because you’re great at picking dinner spots. Communicate openly about your needs and fears and set up rituals or special moments that make your relationship feel rock solid. Remember, polyamory isn’t a competition it’s about expansion, not replacement.

Time Management Or, “But What About Me?”

Ah, time the ultimate limited resource. When your partner is spending hours, or days with someone else, it’s easy to feel like you’re getting the short end of the stick. Suddenly, their schedule looks like a Tetris game and you’re wondering where you fit in.

Solution

Get ahead of the scheduling madness by communicating your needs. Maybe you need a specific day set aside for just the two of you, or perhaps a quick text during their date helps you feel connected. Time management in polyamory is like juggling, but with some planning, no one has to feel like they’re dropping the ball.

How to Embrace Compersion Without Losing Your Mind

Celebrate Their Wins

When your partner comes home all starry eyed from a great date, resist the urge to throw a pity party. Instead, try to feel happy for them. It’s like rooting for them at a game they’re winning. Even if you’re not playing, you can cheer from the sidelines and genuinely feel joy for their experience.

Take Care of Yourself

Self care is your best friend in polyamory. Whether that means scheduling a date night with yourself, diving into your favorite hobby or binge watching a series that only you enjoy, taking time for yourself helps soothe any emotional wobbles that might come up. The happier and more fulfilled you are, the easier it is to feel compersion.

Talk It Out

Compersion doesn’t magically happen overnight. You and your partner will have bumps along the way, so don’t be afraid to have the tough conversations. Feeling weird? Bring it up. Struggling with jealousy? Talk about it. Open, honest communication is the rocket fuel for polyamory and compersion can’t exist without it.

Remember the Fun of Polyamory

Sometimes, when jealousy or insecurity hits, it helps to take a step back and remember why you chose polyamory in the first place. Whether it’s the adventure, the new connections or the freedom to explore love in all its forms, keeping the bigger picture in mind can make the day to day challenges feel more manageable.

Compersion, the Superpower You Didn’t Know You Had

Compersion is a superpower, one that takes time, patience and a lot of self awareness to develop. It’s not always easy and you’re definitely allowed to have your off days, or weeks. But with communication, trust and a little humor, compersion can add a whole new layer of joy to your relationships.

Remember, love isn’t like cake where there’s only one slice to go around, it’s more like a bottomless mimosa brunch. There’s plenty for everyone and if you’re lucky, you’ll get to enjoy the process, too.

The post What is Compersion? appeared first on Free the Kink.

Understanding Body Positivity in BDSM

Body positivity is about accepting and loving your body as it is, regardless of societal standards. In the context of BDSM, this means embracing your unique physicality and feeling confident in your kinky desires. It’s about recognizing that every body is beautiful and capable of experiencing pleasure.

Embrace Your Unique Beauty

– Celebrate Diversity

BDSM is a wonderfully diverse community that welcomes people of all shapes, sizes, ages, and abilities. Remember that there is no one “perfect” body type for enjoying BDSM. Celebrate your unique features and recognize that your body is capable of incredible pleasure and sensation.

– Affirmations and Self-Love

Start each day with positive affirmations. Look in the mirror and say, “I am beautiful, I am worthy, and I deserve to experience pleasure.” Self-love is a powerful tool in building body confidence. The more you affirm your worth, the more you’ll believe it.

Choose Inclusive Playwear and Gear

– Find the Right Fit

When it comes to BDSM playwear, finding pieces that fit well and make you feel fabulous is key. Choose items that make you feel sexy and empowered.

– Custom Gear

Consider investing in custom-made gear tailored to your measurements. Custom harnesses, corsets, and restraints can provide a perfect fit and enhance your confidence. Many artisans and retailers offer bespoke services to ensure you get exactly what you need.

Engage in Sensual Exploration

– Sensory Play

Sensory play can be an incredibly empowering way to connect with your body. Experiment with different textures, temperatures, and sensations. Use feathers, ice, massage oils, and wax to awaken your senses and appreciate your body’s responsiveness.

– Mirror Play

Incorporate mirrors into your play sessions. Watching yourself and your partner can be a deeply erotic and affirming experience. It allows you to see your body in action and appreciate its beauty in the moment of pleasure.

Create a Safe and Affirming Space

– Set the Mood

Creating an environment that makes you feel comfortable and celebrated is essential. Decorate your play space with items that make you feel good—soft lighting, sensual fabrics, and personal touches can transform your space into a sanctuary of self-love and pleasure.

– Communicate Boundaries and Desires

Open communication with your partner(s) is crucial. Share your body image concerns, desires, and boundaries. A supportive partner will affirm your beauty and worth, helping you feel more confident and relaxed during play.

Connect with the Community

– Join Body-Positive BDSM Groups

Find and join body positive BDSM groups and forums. These communities offer support, advice, and camaraderie. Sharing experiences and learning from others can be incredibly validating and empowering.

– Attend Workshops and Events

Many BDSM workshops and events focus on body positivity and self-acceptance. Attend these events to learn new skills, gain confidence, and connect with like-minded individuals who celebrate diversity and inclusivity.

Practice Aftercare and Self-Care

– Aftercare Rituals

Aftercare is a crucial part of any BDSM scene. Use this time to nurture your body and mind. Engage in activities that help you relax and feel cherished, such as cuddling, bathing, or simply talking about the experience.

-. Self-Care Routines

Incorporate self-care into your daily routine. This could be anything from taking time to moisturize your skin, enjoying a favorite hobby, or practicing mindfulness and meditation. Self-care reinforces your worth and helps maintain a positive body image.

Celebrate Your Kinky Self

Embracing BDSM and body positivity is a journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and joy. Remember, you are beautiful, worthy, and deserving of pleasure just as you are. So, go ahead and revel in your body, your desires, and your kinky adventures. Celebrate every curve, every sensation, and every moment of joy. The world of BDSM is yours to explore—embrace it with all the passion and confidence you possess.

The post Embracing Your Kinky Self appeared first on Free the Kink.

Heyyyy, y’all!!! In the world of BDSM and kink, events such as munches, play parties, workshops, and conventions provide a vital space for like-minded individuals to connect, learn, and explore their interests and desires. These gatherings are unique environments with their own set of social norms and expectations, often differing significantly from mainstream events. Understanding and adhering to the etiquette of these spaces is essential for creating a safe, respectful, and enjoyable experience for everyone involved. Let’s talk about Event Etiquette for a bit.

“What makes etiquette so important?” Etiquette in BDSM and kink events serves multiple purposes:

1. Etiquette fosters a safe and consensual environment, where participants can explore their interests without fear of judgment or harm.
2. Etiquette maintains the community’s reputation and helps newcomers feel welcome and supported.
3. Etiquette ensures that the event runs smoothly, respecting the boundaries and expectations of all attendees.

“What’s the Cornerstone of BDSM/kink Etiquette?” Consent is the foundational principle of all BDSM and kink activities. This extends to behavior at events. Whether you are attending a casual munch or a high-protocol play party, understanding and respecting consent is paramount. Some tips to remember are:

1. Always Ask Before Touching. In ANY BDSM/kink space, touching someone or their belongings without explicit permission is a serious breach of etiquette. This includes not only physical contact but also touching tools, toys, or equipment that belongs to others. Always ask before initiating any form of contact.
2. Negotiate Scenes Carefully. If you plan to engage in play at an event, thorough negotiation is crucial. Discuss boundaries, limits, safe words, and aftercare expectations beforehand. Even in casual settings, assumptions should never be made about what is acceptable.
3. Observe and Respect Boundaries. Everyone has different comfort levels, and it’s essential to recognize and respect these. This includes respecting the privacy of others, particularly when it comes to watching scenes. If someone indicates that they do not want to be observed, that boundary must be honored.

“How about socializing? What are the rules for that?” Social interactions in BDSM and kink events often differ from mainstream settings. Effective communication, honesty, trust, and mutual respect are key to ensuring positive experiences.

1. Introduce Yourself Appropriately. When meeting someone new, particularly a Dominant or anyone with a title, it’s important to be respectful. Use proper titles (e.g., Sir, Mistress) if applicable, and introduce yourself politely. If unsure, simply ask how they prefer to be addressed.
2. Avoid Making Assumptions. It’s easy to make assumptions based on appearances, roles, or dynamics, but this can lead to misunderstandings. Don’t assume someone’s role, preferences, or relationship status based on what you see. When in doubt, ask politely or refrain from commenting altogether.
3. Be Mindful of Public and Private Dynamics. Many BDSM and kink events occur in public or semi-public spaces, where different dynamics are at play. For instance, someone who is submissive in one context may not be in another. Respect the fluidity of roles and avoid imposing your own expectations on others.

“Okay, got it…be careful when socializing. But what about at Play Parties/Events?” Play parties are a common feature in the BDSM and kink community, offering a space for participants to engage in scenes and activities. These events typically have their own rules and guidelines, which must be strictly followed. Some of these are:

1. Follow the Dress Code. Many play parties have specific dress codes, ranging from casual to fetish wear. Adhering to the dress code shows respect for the event and its organizers.
2. Understand the Rules of the Space. Before participating in a play party, familiarize yourself with the rules. These can include guidelines on photography, alcohol consumption, and the types of activities allowed. Breaking the rules not only disrupts the event but can also lead to being asked to leave.
3. Respect Scene Space. When watching a scene, maintain a respectful distance and avoid interrupting or becoming a distraction. If a scene is particularly intense, it’s polite to give participants space and not intrude unless assistance is requested.
4. Discretion is Key. What happens at a play party stays at the play party! Respect the privacy of others by not discussing or sharing details of what you saw without explicit permission. EVERRRRR.

“Are newbs welcome, or should we expect pushback?” BDSM and kink events can be intimidating for newcomers. It’s important for seasoned participants to help create a welcoming environment.

1. Be Approachable and Friendly. Newcomers may feel nervous or out of place. Offering a warm welcome, answering questions, or simply being open to conversation can make a big difference in their experience.
2. Avoid Gatekeeping. Everyone’s journey in Our Thing is personal and unique. Avoid gatekeeping behavior that suggests there is a “right” or “wrong” way to be part of the community. Encourage learning and exploration instead.
3. Mentorship and Guidance. If you’re an experienced participant, consider offering mentorship or guidance to those who are new. This could involve explaining event etiquette, introducing them to others, or helping them navigate their first play party.

*BOTTOM LINE…Event Etiquette in Our Thing is about more than just following rules; it’s about fostering a culture of respect, consent, and inclusivity. By adhering to these social norms, participants help create spaces where everyone can explore their interests safely and enjoyably. Whether you’re a newcomer or a seasoned veteran, understanding and practicing proper etiquette ensures that BDSM and kink events remain vibrant, respectful, and supportive environments for all.

Thank you for reading.

~ His Duchess

The post Sensibly Social: Etiquette in BDSM and Kink Events appeared first on Free the Kink.

So, you’ve discovered the thrilling world of BDSM, and you’re eager to share it with your vanilla partner. Introducing BDSM to someone unfamiliar with it can be a delicate dance, but with the right approach, it can lead to deeper intimacy, trust, and an electrifying exploration of desires. At Free the Kink, we are experienced professionals in the realm of kink, here to guide you through this journey with tips, insights, and a dash of fun. Let’s dive in and ignite that spark of curiosity!

Step 1: Self Reflection and Understanding

Before introducing BDSM to your partner, take some time for self reflection. Understand your own desires, boundaries, and what you hope to achieve by incorporating BDSM into your relationship. Be clear about why this exploration is important to you and how it can enhance your connection.

Step 2: Choose the Right Moment

Timing is everything. Choose a relaxed, private moment to bring up the topic. Avoid discussing it during arguments or stressful times. A cozy evening at home, a quiet walk, or a romantic dinner can provide the perfect setting for this intimate conversation.

Step 3: Communicate Openly and Honestly

Start by expressing your feelings and desires in a nonthreatening way. Use “I” statements to convey your thoughts without making your partner feel pressured. For example, “I’ve been exploring some new interests and I’m really excited about BDSM. I’d love to share this with you because I believe it could bring us closer and add a new dimension to our intimacy.”

Be prepared to address common misconceptions about BDSM. Explain that it’s not about pain or control, but about trust, consent, and mutual pleasure. Emphasize that BDSM encompasses a wide range of activities, from light bondage and sensory play to more intense scenes, and it’s all about what feels right for both of you.

Step 4: Educate and Inform

Provide your partner with resources to learn more about BDSM. Recommend books, articles, documentaries, and websites that offer accurate and positive information.

Introduce the concept of safewords and the importance of setting boundaries. Explain that safewords are a crucial part of ensuring a safe and consensual experience. Choose a simple word like “red” for stop and “yellow” for slow down or check-in. Emphasize that mutual respect and communication are the cornerstones of BDSM. Discuss what an initial scene might look like, talk about their comfortability levels and remember consent should always be enthusiastic.

Step 5: Start Slow and Keep It Fun

Begin with “soft” kinks that might be less intimidating. Light bondage with silk scarves, blindfolds, or gentle spanking can be a playful way to ease into BDSM. Make it fun and light-hearted to help your partner feel comfortable and open to new experiences.

Sensation play is a great introduction to BDSM. Experiment with different textures and temperatures, like feather ticklers, ice cubes, or massage candles. This can help your partner discover new sensations and understand the pleasure that BDSM can bring.

Step 6: Communicate and Reflect

After your initial explorations, have regular check-in conversations. Ask your partner how they felt about the experience, what they enjoyed, and what they might want to try next. Be open to feedback and willing to adjust based on their comfort levels.

Share your own feelings and experiences as well. Let your partner know what you enjoyed and why it was meaningful to you. This ongoing dialogue will help build trust and deepen your connection.

Step 7: Continue Learning Together

Consider attending BDSM workshops or events together. Many communities offer classes on various aspects of BDSM, from rope bondage to impact play. These can be fun, educational, and a great way to meet others who share your interests.

Create a shared playbook where you and your partner can document your interests, boundaries, and fantasies. Use it as a living document to guide your BDSM journey together. This can be a fun and intimate way to explore and plan your future play sessions.

It’s Not a Destination, It’s a Journey

Introducing BDSM to a vanilla partner is a journey of trust, communication, and mutual discovery. By approaching it with openness, respect, and a sense of fun, you can ignite your partner’s curiosity and create a deeper, more intimate connection. Remember, the key is to take it slow, communicate openly, make sure consent is always enthusiastic, and enjoy the process of exploring new horizons together.

So, take a deep breath, gather your courage, and embark on this exciting adventure with your partner. Who knows? You might just unlock a whole new world of pleasure and intimacy that will fulfill you both. Happy exploring!

The post Ignite the Spark of Curiosity appeared first on Free the Kink.

Heyyy, y’all!!! When it comes to Our Thing, Time Management is not just a practical consideration; it’s an essential skill that affects the quality of both play and the dynamic(s). Whether you’re a Dominant, submissive, or switch, effectively managing time ensures that scenes are handled safely, consent is respected, and the dynamic remains fulfilling for everyone involved. Here’s a breakdown for y’all.

“Why tf is Time Management in BDSM important?” Well…Time is a critical element in BDSM for several reasons:

1. Safety. Many BDSM activities require careful attention to the timing of actions. For instance, bondage or breath play must be timed precisely to ensure the safety and well-being of the submissive.
2. Psychological Flow. A well-timed scene allows for a gradual build-up of intensity, leading to a more intense psychological experience for both sides of the slash. Rushing can break the mood, while dragging things out too long can lead to discomfort or disengagement.
3. Life Balance. For those who engage in BDSM as part of their lifestyle, balancing scenes, daily responsibilities, and personal time requires considerate, careful planning.

“Okay, cool! How do we set the stage?” Before we engage in any BDSM activity, it’s critical to have a pre-scene discussion. During the conversation, be sure to is cover:

1. Duration. How long the scene is expected to last. Everyone involved agrees on a tentative timeframe, keeping in mind the physical and emotional stamina required.
2. Timing of Activities. Map out the sequence of activities and their durations. For example, how long should the warm-up last? When does the peak intensity of the scene occur? This helps in maintaining the desired flow.
3. Check-Ins. Decide on specific intervals for check-ins, especially during intense play. This ensures that the submissive’s well-being is continuously monitored.
4. Life Constraints. Consider the timing within the context of your overall schedule. If you have commitments early the next morning, planning a scene that allows adequate recovery time is essential.

“It’s GO TIME! How do we stay in the scene?” Once the scene begins, time management is about maintaining the balance between following the plan and being flexible by doing the following:

1. Minding the Clock. Without letting it control your thoughts, keeping an eye on the time ensures that you stay within the agreed-upon limits.
2. Use of Safewords and/or Signals. These play a vital role in managing time. If a bottom/submissive uses a safeword or signal, the Top/Dominant must assess the situation, potentially adjusting the timing or intensity of the scene.
3. Adjustments. Be ready to alter the scene’s pacing based on real-time feedback. If the bottom/submissive is struggling or the energy feels off, it might be necessary to speed up or slow down.

“Okay, it’s over. Now what?” Well, Time Management doesn’t stop when the scene ends, y’all. For those who need it, Aftercare is an integral part of the BDSM experience, providing physical and emotional support as everyone decompresses following the scene. Some tips are:

1. Aftercare Timing. Plan for adequate aftercare. Some individuals may need none at all or a few minutes, while others might require an hour or more to fully decompress. Rushing this process can lead to emotional fallout.
2. Reflection. Set aside time for everyone to reflect on the scene. Discuss what worked, what didn’t, and how time was managed. This feedback loop is crucial for improving future sessions.

“My life is CRAZY busy! How do we make time for a QUALITY session?” For many of us, BDSM is a part of life rather than a specific timeframe. Here are some strategies for managing time in a way that allows BDSM to coexist with daily responsibilities:

1. Scheduling. Treat BDSM activities like any other important appointment. Scheduling scenes or training sessions in advance ensures that they fit within the broader context of life’s demands.
2. Prioritization. Understand that not every BDSM activity needs to be time-intensive. Shorter, more frequent sessions can be just as fulfilling as longer ones, y’all.
3. Communication. Regularly communicate with your partner(s) about everyone’s time constraints and needs. This ensures that all of you remain on the same page and can plan accordingly.
4. Flexibility. Life is everyone’s TRUE Master lol. While it’s important to plan, it’s equally critical to remain flexible. Sometimes, postponing a scene might be necessary to ensure that it can be fully enjoyed without distractions or stress.

“Yeah, okay I hear you! But…Why is timing so important in BDSM?”

Y’all…Time Management in BDSM is about more than just negotiating, creating, and keeping a schedule. It’s about creating a rhythm that enhances the Power Exchange and deepens the connection between partners. Whether you’re planning an elaborate scene or integrating BDSM into your daily life, mastering the art of Time Management will lead to more fulfilling and safer experiences for ALL of us.

Remember, the goal is not to control time rigidly but to flow with it, allowing Our Thing to flourish within the context of our lives.

Thank you for reading.

~ His Duchess

The post TICK TOCK! Time Management in BDSM appeared first on Free the Kink.

Today Free the Kinkers, we are going to talk about going to the internet to fulfill our desires. That’s right, we are talking about kink friendly dating apps! In today’s digital age, finding like-minded souls to explore your kinks and passions with has never been easier, thanks to the rise of kink friendly dating apps. Whether you’re curious about BDSM, seeking a playmate, dynamic or simply open minded connections, join us on a thrilling journey into the world of kink friendly dating apps. Discover how these platforms can ignite your love life, unleash your desires, and connect you with kindred spirits who share your craving for adventure and intimacy.

Embrace the World of Kink Friendly Dating Apps

1. Find Your Perfect Match

Kink friendly dating apps cater specifically to those with a taste for the adventurous side of relationships. These platforms provide a safe and inclusive space to explore your desires openly and without judgment. Whether you’re seeking a long term partner, a casual playmate, or a new friend to share your interests, these apps offer a diverse pool of potential matches eager to connect on a deeper level.

2. Creating Your Profile

Your profile is your gateway to attracting potential matches who resonate with your desires. Craft a profile that reflects your personality, interests, and what you’re seeking in a partner or playmate. Be clear about your kinks, boundaries, and expectations to ensure compatibility and mutual understanding from the start. Use engaging photos that capture your essence and showcase your interests, whether it’s attending a fetish event or indulging in your favorite kink activity.

3. Navigating Features and Filters

Explore the features and filters offered by kink friendly dating apps to refine your search and find the perfect match. Use search filters to specify preferences such as location, age range, kinks, and relationship preferences. Some apps offer advanced features like private messaging, group discussions, and event listings, allowing you to connect with the community and discover local gatherings, workshops, or munches where you can meet like minded individuals in person.

Engaging in Safe and Respectful Communication

1. Initiate Meaningful Conversations

Initiate conversations with potential matches who pique your interest. Start with a friendly greeting and a respectful inquiry about their profile or interests. Show genuine curiosity and respect for their boundaries and preferences. Whether you’re discussing favorite kinks, past experiences, or future desires, open communication is key to building trust and establishing a connection.

2. Honoring Consent and Boundaries

Respect for consent and boundaries is paramount in kink friendly dating. Always seek explicit consent before engaging in any form of communication with someone new. Discuss limits, expectations, and vet openly and honestly with your partner or playmate to ensure a safe and enjoyable experience for everyone involved. Remember, consent is enthusiastic, ongoing, and can be withdrawn at any time.

3. Vet, Vet and Vet Again

Meaningful conversations build trust between parties and allow for actual vetting. Vetting requires that you are asking questions about compatibility issues that matter to you. A deep dive into expectations is also part of the vetting process. References can also be a good way to further trust between parties as well.

Planning Your First Meet Up or Play Date

1. Arrange a Safe Meeting

When you feel ready to meet a potential match in person, prioritize safety and comfort. Choose a public location for your first meeting, such as a café, restaurant, or community event. Inform a trusted friend or loved one about your plans and location. Trust your instincts and take your time getting to know the person before deciding to proceed with more intimate activities.

2. Discuss Expectations and Limits

Before engaging in play or intimate activities, have a candid discussion about expectations, boundaries, and safety protocols, don’t leave anything out. Establish clear communication channels and agree on a safe word or signal to communicate discomfort or the need to pause or stop the interaction. Mutual respect and understanding create a foundation for a positive and fulfilling experience for both parties. We can’t say it enough, consent is enthusiastic, ongoing, and can be withdrawn at any time.

Kink Friendly Dating Apps to Explore

Here are some popular kink friendly dating apps to consider:

• FetLife: A social networking site for the BDSM, fetish, and kinky community.
• Fetster: A free dating site and social network for BDSM enthusiasts.
• Alt.com: A dating site for alternative lifestyles including BDSM, fetish, and kink.
• Whiplr: An app specifically for kinksters and BDSM enthusiasts seeking connections.
• KinkD: A kinky dating app for BDSM, fetish, and alternative lifestyles.
• BDSMdate: A community for exploring BDSM dating and kink connections.

Embrace Your Kinks with Confidence

Remember that your journey of self discovery and connection is uniquely yours to navigate. With open communication, respect for boundaries, and a sense of adventure, you can safely embrace your kinks with confidence and authenticity. Whether you’re diving into a new relationship or indulging in playful exploration, may these platforms enrich your love life and lead you to fulfilling connections that ignite your passion and fuel your desires.

The world of kink awaits your adventurous spirit—happy swiping!

The post Digital Desires: Kink Friendly Dating Apps and How to Use Them appeared first on Free the Kink.

Step 1: Find the Right Dungeon Space

• Choose Your Sanctuary

The first step in creating your BDSM dungeon is selecting the ideal space. Whether it’s a dedicated room, a converted basement, a walk-in closet or just a secluded corner of your bedroom, choose a space that offers privacy and discretion. Consider soundproofing options to ensure that your sessions remain intimate and undisturbed.

• Maximize Your Space

If you’re working with a smaller area, we got you covered! Creativity is your best friend. Utilize vertical space with wall-mounted equipment and storage solutions. Mirrors can also make the space feel larger and add a tantalizing visual element to your play.

Step 2: Setting the Mood

• Lighting for Atmosphere

Lighting sets the tone for your dungeon. Opt for dimmable lights to create a sensual and intimate ambiance. Red or purple hues can evoke a sense of mystery and passion. Consider adding fire-proof candles or LED lights (they even make color-changing LED Lightbulbs) to enhance the atmosphere without compromising safety.

• Sensual Décor

Decorate your dungeon with items that stimulate the senses and fuel your fantasies. Think velvet drapes, plush rugs, and luxurious fabrics. Artwork featuring erotic themes or BDSM motifs can also add a personal touch and inspire your play.

Step 3: Essential Dungeon Equipment

• Sturdy Furniture

Invest in high-quality, sturdy furniture designed for BDSM play. A well-built St. Andrew’s Cross, spanking bench, or bondage bed can serve as the centerpiece of your dungeon.

• Versatile Restraints

Ensure you have a variety of restraints to cater to different scenarios. Leather cuffs, rope, and spreader bars are essential. For a unique touch, consider suspension equipment like ceiling hooks or a suspension frame, perfect for advanced bondage play.

Small Space Tips: Secure hooks to studs in wall for a great place to attached restraints. Over the door organizers are an inexpensive way to store all kinds of implements with minimal space.

Step 4: Safety First

• Safety Gear

Safety is paramount in any BDSM play. Stock your dungeon with essential safety gear, including first aid kits, safety shears, and fire extinguishers. Ensure that all furniture and equipment are securely installed and regularly checked for wear and tear.

• Communication Tools

Establish clear communication channels with your play partners. Agree on safe words or signals that can be easily understood and used to stop or modify play if needed. Consent and communication are the cornerstones of a safe and enjoyable BDSM experience.

Step 5: Enhance the Sensory Experience

• Impact Toys

Expand your collection with a variety of impact toys such as paddles, floggers, canes, and crops. A variety from thuddy to stingy, ensures every session is uniquely exhilarating.

•  Sensory Deprivation Tools

Elevate your play with sensory deprivation tools like blindfolds, hoods, and earplugs designed to heighten other senses and create an intense, immersive experience.

•  Temperature Play Accessories

Introduce temperature play into your sessions with accessories like glass or metal dildos that can be heated or cooled.

Step 6: Organize and Maintain

•  Storage Solutions

Keep your dungeon organized with efficient storage solutions. Lockable cabinets or discreet storage boxes ensure that your toys and equipment are kept safe and out of sight when not in use. Clean and sanitize your equipment after every session to maintain hygiene and longevity.

•  Regular Updates

Your BDSM dungeon should evolve with your desires and experiences. Regularly update your equipment and decor to keep things fresh and exciting. Attend workshops, community events or join an online community like, Free the Kink to gain new ideas and techniques that you can incorporate into your play space.

Sanctuary of Sensuality

Creating the perfect BDSM dungeon at home is a journey of creativity, passion, and dedication. Unleash your inner designer, gather your tools of pleasure, and let your imagination run wild.

Your personal dungeon awaits—May your dungeon be a masterpiece of pleasure and delight!

The post Creating the Perfect BDSM Dungeon at Home appeared first on Free the Kink.