Heyyyy, y’all!!! In the world of BDSM and kink, events such as munches, play parties, workshops, and conventions provide a vital space for like-minded individuals to connect, learn, and explore their interests and desires. These gatherings are unique environments with their own set of social norms and expectations, often differing significantly from mainstream events. Understanding and adhering to the etiquette of these spaces is essential for creating a safe, respectful, and enjoyable experience for everyone involved. Let’s talk about Event Etiquette for a bit.

“What makes etiquette so important?” Etiquette in BDSM and kink events serves multiple purposes:

1. Etiquette fosters a safe and consensual environment, where participants can explore their interests without fear of judgment or harm.
2. Etiquette maintains the community’s reputation and helps newcomers feel welcome and supported.
3. Etiquette ensures that the event runs smoothly, respecting the boundaries and expectations of all attendees.

“What’s the Cornerstone of BDSM/kink Etiquette?” Consent is the foundational principle of all BDSM and kink activities. This extends to behavior at events. Whether you are attending a casual munch or a high-protocol play party, understanding and respecting consent is paramount. Some tips to remember are:

1. Always Ask Before Touching. In ANY BDSM/kink space, touching someone or their belongings without explicit permission is a serious breach of etiquette. This includes not only physical contact but also touching tools, toys, or equipment that belongs to others. Always ask before initiating any form of contact.
2. Negotiate Scenes Carefully. If you plan to engage in play at an event, thorough negotiation is crucial. Discuss boundaries, limits, safe words, and aftercare expectations beforehand. Even in casual settings, assumptions should never be made about what is acceptable.
3. Observe and Respect Boundaries. Everyone has different comfort levels, and it’s essential to recognize and respect these. This includes respecting the privacy of others, particularly when it comes to watching scenes. If someone indicates that they do not want to be observed, that boundary must be honored.

“How about socializing? What are the rules for that?” Social interactions in BDSM and kink events often differ from mainstream settings. Effective communication, honesty, trust, and mutual respect are key to ensuring positive experiences.

1. Introduce Yourself Appropriately. When meeting someone new, particularly a Dominant or anyone with a title, it’s important to be respectful. Use proper titles (e.g., Sir, Mistress) if applicable, and introduce yourself politely. If unsure, simply ask how they prefer to be addressed.
2. Avoid Making Assumptions. It’s easy to make assumptions based on appearances, roles, or dynamics, but this can lead to misunderstandings. Don’t assume someone’s role, preferences, or relationship status based on what you see. When in doubt, ask politely or refrain from commenting altogether.
3. Be Mindful of Public and Private Dynamics. Many BDSM and kink events occur in public or semi-public spaces, where different dynamics are at play. For instance, someone who is submissive in one context may not be in another. Respect the fluidity of roles and avoid imposing your own expectations on others.

“Okay, got it…be careful when socializing. But what about at Play Parties/Events?” Play parties are a common feature in the BDSM and kink community, offering a space for participants to engage in scenes and activities. These events typically have their own rules and guidelines, which must be strictly followed. Some of these are:

1. Follow the Dress Code. Many play parties have specific dress codes, ranging from casual to fetish wear. Adhering to the dress code shows respect for the event and its organizers.
2. Understand the Rules of the Space. Before participating in a play party, familiarize yourself with the rules. These can include guidelines on photography, alcohol consumption, and the types of activities allowed. Breaking the rules not only disrupts the event but can also lead to being asked to leave.
3. Respect Scene Space. When watching a scene, maintain a respectful distance and avoid interrupting or becoming a distraction. If a scene is particularly intense, it’s polite to give participants space and not intrude unless assistance is requested.
4. Discretion is Key. What happens at a play party stays at the play party! Respect the privacy of others by not discussing or sharing details of what you saw without explicit permission. EVERRRRR.

“Are newbs welcome, or should we expect pushback?” BDSM and kink events can be intimidating for newcomers. It’s important for seasoned participants to help create a welcoming environment.

1. Be Approachable and Friendly. Newcomers may feel nervous or out of place. Offering a warm welcome, answering questions, or simply being open to conversation can make a big difference in their experience.
2. Avoid Gatekeeping. Everyone’s journey in Our Thing is personal and unique. Avoid gatekeeping behavior that suggests there is a “right” or “wrong” way to be part of the community. Encourage learning and exploration instead.
3. Mentorship and Guidance. If you’re an experienced participant, consider offering mentorship or guidance to those who are new. This could involve explaining event etiquette, introducing them to others, or helping them navigate their first play party.

*BOTTOM LINE…Event Etiquette in Our Thing is about more than just following rules; it’s about fostering a culture of respect, consent, and inclusivity. By adhering to these social norms, participants help create spaces where everyone can explore their interests safely and enjoyably. Whether you’re a newcomer or a seasoned veteran, understanding and practicing proper etiquette ensures that BDSM and kink events remain vibrant, respectful, and supportive environments for all.

Thank you for reading.

~ His Duchess

The post Sensibly Social: Etiquette in BDSM and Kink Events appeared first on Free the Kink.

So, you’ve discovered the thrilling world of BDSM, and you’re eager to share it with your vanilla partner. Introducing BDSM to someone unfamiliar with it can be a delicate dance, but with the right approach, it can lead to deeper intimacy, trust, and an electrifying exploration of desires. At Free the Kink, we are experienced professionals in the realm of kink, here to guide you through this journey with tips, insights, and a dash of fun. Let’s dive in and ignite that spark of curiosity!

Step 1: Self Reflection and Understanding

Before introducing BDSM to your partner, take some time for self reflection. Understand your own desires, boundaries, and what you hope to achieve by incorporating BDSM into your relationship. Be clear about why this exploration is important to you and how it can enhance your connection.

Step 2: Choose the Right Moment

Timing is everything. Choose a relaxed, private moment to bring up the topic. Avoid discussing it during arguments or stressful times. A cozy evening at home, a quiet walk, or a romantic dinner can provide the perfect setting for this intimate conversation.

Step 3: Communicate Openly and Honestly

Start by expressing your feelings and desires in a nonthreatening way. Use “I” statements to convey your thoughts without making your partner feel pressured. For example, “I’ve been exploring some new interests and I’m really excited about BDSM. I’d love to share this with you because I believe it could bring us closer and add a new dimension to our intimacy.”

Be prepared to address common misconceptions about BDSM. Explain that it’s not about pain or control, but about trust, consent, and mutual pleasure. Emphasize that BDSM encompasses a wide range of activities, from light bondage and sensory play to more intense scenes, and it’s all about what feels right for both of you.

Step 4: Educate and Inform

Provide your partner with resources to learn more about BDSM. Recommend books, articles, documentaries, and websites that offer accurate and positive information.

Introduce the concept of safewords and the importance of setting boundaries. Explain that safewords are a crucial part of ensuring a safe and consensual experience. Choose a simple word like “red” for stop and “yellow” for slow down or check-in. Emphasize that mutual respect and communication are the cornerstones of BDSM. Discuss what an initial scene might look like, talk about their comfortability levels and remember consent should always be enthusiastic.

Step 5: Start Slow and Keep It Fun

Begin with “soft” kinks that might be less intimidating. Light bondage with silk scarves, blindfolds, or gentle spanking can be a playful way to ease into BDSM. Make it fun and light-hearted to help your partner feel comfortable and open to new experiences.

Sensation play is a great introduction to BDSM. Experiment with different textures and temperatures, like feather ticklers, ice cubes, or massage candles. This can help your partner discover new sensations and understand the pleasure that BDSM can bring.

Step 6: Communicate and Reflect

After your initial explorations, have regular check-in conversations. Ask your partner how they felt about the experience, what they enjoyed, and what they might want to try next. Be open to feedback and willing to adjust based on their comfort levels.

Share your own feelings and experiences as well. Let your partner know what you enjoyed and why it was meaningful to you. This ongoing dialogue will help build trust and deepen your connection.

Step 7: Continue Learning Together

Consider attending BDSM workshops or events together. Many communities offer classes on various aspects of BDSM, from rope bondage to impact play. These can be fun, educational, and a great way to meet others who share your interests.

Create a shared playbook where you and your partner can document your interests, boundaries, and fantasies. Use it as a living document to guide your BDSM journey together. This can be a fun and intimate way to explore and plan your future play sessions.

It’s Not a Destination, It’s a Journey

Introducing BDSM to a vanilla partner is a journey of trust, communication, and mutual discovery. By approaching it with openness, respect, and a sense of fun, you can ignite your partner’s curiosity and create a deeper, more intimate connection. Remember, the key is to take it slow, communicate openly, make sure consent is always enthusiastic, and enjoy the process of exploring new horizons together.

So, take a deep breath, gather your courage, and embark on this exciting adventure with your partner. Who knows? You might just unlock a whole new world of pleasure and intimacy that will fulfill you both. Happy exploring!

The post Ignite the Spark of Curiosity appeared first on Free the Kink.

Heyyy, y’all!!! When it comes to Our Thing, Time Management is not just a practical consideration; it’s an essential skill that affects the quality of both play and the dynamic(s). Whether you’re a Dominant, submissive, or switch, effectively managing time ensures that scenes are handled safely, consent is respected, and the dynamic remains fulfilling for everyone involved. Here’s a breakdown for y’all.

“Why tf is Time Management in BDSM important?” Well…Time is a critical element in BDSM for several reasons:

1. Safety. Many BDSM activities require careful attention to the timing of actions. For instance, bondage or breath play must be timed precisely to ensure the safety and well-being of the submissive.
2. Psychological Flow. A well-timed scene allows for a gradual build-up of intensity, leading to a more intense psychological experience for both sides of the slash. Rushing can break the mood, while dragging things out too long can lead to discomfort or disengagement.
3. Life Balance. For those who engage in BDSM as part of their lifestyle, balancing scenes, daily responsibilities, and personal time requires considerate, careful planning.

“Okay, cool! How do we set the stage?” Before we engage in any BDSM activity, it’s critical to have a pre-scene discussion. During the conversation, be sure to is cover:

1. Duration. How long the scene is expected to last. Everyone involved agrees on a tentative timeframe, keeping in mind the physical and emotional stamina required.
2. Timing of Activities. Map out the sequence of activities and their durations. For example, how long should the warm-up last? When does the peak intensity of the scene occur? This helps in maintaining the desired flow.
3. Check-Ins. Decide on specific intervals for check-ins, especially during intense play. This ensures that the submissive’s well-being is continuously monitored.
4. Life Constraints. Consider the timing within the context of your overall schedule. If you have commitments early the next morning, planning a scene that allows adequate recovery time is essential.

“It’s GO TIME! How do we stay in the scene?” Once the scene begins, time management is about maintaining the balance between following the plan and being flexible by doing the following:

1. Minding the Clock. Without letting it control your thoughts, keeping an eye on the time ensures that you stay within the agreed-upon limits.
2. Use of Safewords and/or Signals. These play a vital role in managing time. If a bottom/submissive uses a safeword or signal, the Top/Dominant must assess the situation, potentially adjusting the timing or intensity of the scene.
3. Adjustments. Be ready to alter the scene’s pacing based on real-time feedback. If the bottom/submissive is struggling or the energy feels off, it might be necessary to speed up or slow down.

“Okay, it’s over. Now what?” Well, Time Management doesn’t stop when the scene ends, y’all. For those who need it, Aftercare is an integral part of the BDSM experience, providing physical and emotional support as everyone decompresses following the scene. Some tips are:

1. Aftercare Timing. Plan for adequate aftercare. Some individuals may need none at all or a few minutes, while others might require an hour or more to fully decompress. Rushing this process can lead to emotional fallout.
2. Reflection. Set aside time for everyone to reflect on the scene. Discuss what worked, what didn’t, and how time was managed. This feedback loop is crucial for improving future sessions.

“My life is CRAZY busy! How do we make time for a QUALITY session?” For many of us, BDSM is a part of life rather than a specific timeframe. Here are some strategies for managing time in a way that allows BDSM to coexist with daily responsibilities:

1. Scheduling. Treat BDSM activities like any other important appointment. Scheduling scenes or training sessions in advance ensures that they fit within the broader context of life’s demands.
2. Prioritization. Understand that not every BDSM activity needs to be time-intensive. Shorter, more frequent sessions can be just as fulfilling as longer ones, y’all.
3. Communication. Regularly communicate with your partner(s) about everyone’s time constraints and needs. This ensures that all of you remain on the same page and can plan accordingly.
4. Flexibility. Life is everyone’s TRUE Master lol. While it’s important to plan, it’s equally critical to remain flexible. Sometimes, postponing a scene might be necessary to ensure that it can be fully enjoyed without distractions or stress.

“Yeah, okay I hear you! But…Why is timing so important in BDSM?”

Y’all…Time Management in BDSM is about more than just negotiating, creating, and keeping a schedule. It’s about creating a rhythm that enhances the Power Exchange and deepens the connection between partners. Whether you’re planning an elaborate scene or integrating BDSM into your daily life, mastering the art of Time Management will lead to more fulfilling and safer experiences for ALL of us.

Remember, the goal is not to control time rigidly but to flow with it, allowing Our Thing to flourish within the context of our lives.

Thank you for reading.

~ His Duchess

The post TICK TOCK! Time Management in BDSM appeared first on Free the Kink.

Today Free the Kinkers, we are going to talk about going to the internet to fulfill our desires. That’s right, we are talking about kink friendly dating apps! In today’s digital age, finding like-minded souls to explore your kinks and passions with has never been easier, thanks to the rise of kink friendly dating apps. Whether you’re curious about BDSM, seeking a playmate, dynamic or simply open minded connections, join us on a thrilling journey into the world of kink friendly dating apps. Discover how these platforms can ignite your love life, unleash your desires, and connect you with kindred spirits who share your craving for adventure and intimacy.

Embrace the World of Kink Friendly Dating Apps

1. Find Your Perfect Match

Kink friendly dating apps cater specifically to those with a taste for the adventurous side of relationships. These platforms provide a safe and inclusive space to explore your desires openly and without judgment. Whether you’re seeking a long term partner, a casual playmate, or a new friend to share your interests, these apps offer a diverse pool of potential matches eager to connect on a deeper level.

2. Creating Your Profile

Your profile is your gateway to attracting potential matches who resonate with your desires. Craft a profile that reflects your personality, interests, and what you’re seeking in a partner or playmate. Be clear about your kinks, boundaries, and expectations to ensure compatibility and mutual understanding from the start. Use engaging photos that capture your essence and showcase your interests, whether it’s attending a fetish event or indulging in your favorite kink activity.

3. Navigating Features and Filters

Explore the features and filters offered by kink friendly dating apps to refine your search and find the perfect match. Use search filters to specify preferences such as location, age range, kinks, and relationship preferences. Some apps offer advanced features like private messaging, group discussions, and event listings, allowing you to connect with the community and discover local gatherings, workshops, or munches where you can meet like minded individuals in person.

Engaging in Safe and Respectful Communication

1. Initiate Meaningful Conversations

Initiate conversations with potential matches who pique your interest. Start with a friendly greeting and a respectful inquiry about their profile or interests. Show genuine curiosity and respect for their boundaries and preferences. Whether you’re discussing favorite kinks, past experiences, or future desires, open communication is key to building trust and establishing a connection.

2. Honoring Consent and Boundaries

Respect for consent and boundaries is paramount in kink friendly dating. Always seek explicit consent before engaging in any form of communication with someone new. Discuss limits, expectations, and vet openly and honestly with your partner or playmate to ensure a safe and enjoyable experience for everyone involved. Remember, consent is enthusiastic, ongoing, and can be withdrawn at any time.

3. Vet, Vet and Vet Again

Meaningful conversations build trust between parties and allow for actual vetting. Vetting requires that you are asking questions about compatibility issues that matter to you. A deep dive into expectations is also part of the vetting process. References can also be a good way to further trust between parties as well.

Planning Your First Meet Up or Play Date

1. Arrange a Safe Meeting

When you feel ready to meet a potential match in person, prioritize safety and comfort. Choose a public location for your first meeting, such as a café, restaurant, or community event. Inform a trusted friend or loved one about your plans and location. Trust your instincts and take your time getting to know the person before deciding to proceed with more intimate activities.

2. Discuss Expectations and Limits

Before engaging in play or intimate activities, have a candid discussion about expectations, boundaries, and safety protocols, don’t leave anything out. Establish clear communication channels and agree on a safe word or signal to communicate discomfort or the need to pause or stop the interaction. Mutual respect and understanding create a foundation for a positive and fulfilling experience for both parties. We can’t say it enough, consent is enthusiastic, ongoing, and can be withdrawn at any time.

Kink Friendly Dating Apps to Explore

Here are some popular kink friendly dating apps to consider:

• FetLife: A social networking site for the BDSM, fetish, and kinky community.
• Fetster: A free dating site and social network for BDSM enthusiasts.
• Alt.com: A dating site for alternative lifestyles including BDSM, fetish, and kink.
• Whiplr: An app specifically for kinksters and BDSM enthusiasts seeking connections.
• KinkD: A kinky dating app for BDSM, fetish, and alternative lifestyles.
• BDSMdate: A community for exploring BDSM dating and kink connections.

Embrace Your Kinks with Confidence

Remember that your journey of self discovery and connection is uniquely yours to navigate. With open communication, respect for boundaries, and a sense of adventure, you can safely embrace your kinks with confidence and authenticity. Whether you’re diving into a new relationship or indulging in playful exploration, may these platforms enrich your love life and lead you to fulfilling connections that ignite your passion and fuel your desires.

The world of kink awaits your adventurous spirit—happy swiping!

The post Digital Desires: Kink Friendly Dating Apps and How to Use Them appeared first on Free the Kink.

Step 1: Find the Right Dungeon Space

• Choose Your Sanctuary

The first step in creating your BDSM dungeon is selecting the ideal space. Whether it’s a dedicated room, a converted basement, a walk-in closet or just a secluded corner of your bedroom, choose a space that offers privacy and discretion. Consider soundproofing options to ensure that your sessions remain intimate and undisturbed.

• Maximize Your Space

If you’re working with a smaller area, we got you covered! Creativity is your best friend. Utilize vertical space with wall-mounted equipment and storage solutions. Mirrors can also make the space feel larger and add a tantalizing visual element to your play.

Step 2: Setting the Mood

• Lighting for Atmosphere

Lighting sets the tone for your dungeon. Opt for dimmable lights to create a sensual and intimate ambiance. Red or purple hues can evoke a sense of mystery and passion. Consider adding fire-proof candles or LED lights (they even make color-changing LED Lightbulbs) to enhance the atmosphere without compromising safety.

• Sensual Décor

Decorate your dungeon with items that stimulate the senses and fuel your fantasies. Think velvet drapes, plush rugs, and luxurious fabrics. Artwork featuring erotic themes or BDSM motifs can also add a personal touch and inspire your play.

Step 3: Essential Dungeon Equipment

• Sturdy Furniture

Invest in high-quality, sturdy furniture designed for BDSM play. A well-built St. Andrew’s Cross, spanking bench, or bondage bed can serve as the centerpiece of your dungeon.

• Versatile Restraints

Ensure you have a variety of restraints to cater to different scenarios. Leather cuffs, rope, and spreader bars are essential. For a unique touch, consider suspension equipment like ceiling hooks or a suspension frame, perfect for advanced bondage play.

Small Space Tips: Secure hooks to studs in wall for a great place to attached restraints. Over the door organizers are an inexpensive way to store all kinds of implements with minimal space.

Step 4: Safety First

• Safety Gear

Safety is paramount in any BDSM play. Stock your dungeon with essential safety gear, including first aid kits, safety shears, and fire extinguishers. Ensure that all furniture and equipment are securely installed and regularly checked for wear and tear.

• Communication Tools

Establish clear communication channels with your play partners. Agree on safe words or signals that can be easily understood and used to stop or modify play if needed. Consent and communication are the cornerstones of a safe and enjoyable BDSM experience.

Step 5: Enhance the Sensory Experience

• Impact Toys

Expand your collection with a variety of impact toys such as paddles, floggers, canes, and crops. A variety from thuddy to stingy, ensures every session is uniquely exhilarating.

•  Sensory Deprivation Tools

Elevate your play with sensory deprivation tools like blindfolds, hoods, and earplugs designed to heighten other senses and create an intense, immersive experience.

•  Temperature Play Accessories

Introduce temperature play into your sessions with accessories like glass or metal dildos that can be heated or cooled.

Step 6: Organize and Maintain

•  Storage Solutions

Keep your dungeon organized with efficient storage solutions. Lockable cabinets or discreet storage boxes ensure that your toys and equipment are kept safe and out of sight when not in use. Clean and sanitize your equipment after every session to maintain hygiene and longevity.

•  Regular Updates

Your BDSM dungeon should evolve with your desires and experiences. Regularly update your equipment and decor to keep things fresh and exciting. Attend workshops, community events or join an online community like, Free the Kink to gain new ideas and techniques that you can incorporate into your play space.

Sanctuary of Sensuality

Creating the perfect BDSM dungeon at home is a journey of creativity, passion, and dedication. Unleash your inner designer, gather your tools of pleasure, and let your imagination run wild.

Your personal dungeon awaits—May your dungeon be a masterpiece of pleasure and delight!

The post Creating the Perfect BDSM Dungeon at Home appeared first on Free the Kink.

Some can be reluctant to try anal and most of the time, it’s because they think it might be painful. Can it be? Of course, but it’s not suppose to be. If you’re interested in trying anal, making it more enjoyable or just working up to some bigger equipment, try some of these tips to get you started.

So let’s talk about prep: 

You may be concerned about the “cleanliness” factor so here’s some things you can do to make you feel more at ease. Go to the bathroom. Many find having a bowel movement and then throughly cleaning in the shower works well. If you just want to make sure there are no mistakes, you can use an anal douche.

What about the equipment:

An anal training set or anal training beads is a great first purchase. For the more advanced, there are a wide variety of anal plugs available to offer you your ideal fullness. Be cautious when going bigger, a little adjustment in numbers, can be a much bigger difference in actual diameter than you may anticipate. With an anal training kit, it generally includes plugs of graduating sizes. I recommend this in general, but especially for beginners, make sure any anal toys have a flared base or handle for not only easy removal, but also to remove the fear of lost toy trip to the ER. 

Part of not only prep, but the equipment should be the inclusion of lube and lots and lots of it. Keep in mind the material of your anal toys when selecting a lube.

Beyond the Physical Prep:

Get your mind relaxed. Tension during anal sex causes those anus muscles to tighten up and that can make anal play less pleasurable. A little foreplay or massage may also help to get you relaxed. Communication with your partner both before, during and after is essential. This can help lessen any stress by discussing what your desires and goals are and communication during and after helps your partner make those goals a reality and the experience more enjoyable.

Start Small:

Use an anal plug that is small in diameter to begin with or maybe you may not even want to start with a toy at all. A good way to begin anal training can be to start with just a finger and work your way up to using toys.

Start Slow:

Start slow with your fingers or a small plug. As the bottom gets used to the sensations and becomes more comfortable, a larger toy or more fingers can be inserted. 

**There are products like numbing creams and such available, but I wouldn’t reccomend these, you don’t want to block out what your body’s telling you.

If you’re comfortable with anal and just want to work up to bigger toys, the same steps apply. With anal stretching, just like training for the first time, use lots of lube, relax, start small and make gradual increases. Don’t get over zealous because of your comfort with anal, be patient when trying and working up to bigger toys.

This is just a starting point when it comes to anal training, do your research, take it slow, listen to your body, communicate with your partner and just have an  amazingly kinky time.

The post Anal Training appeared first on Free the Kink.