Let’s take a look at the science, the strategies and the sheer power of positive self talk, because your brain is a tool and it’s time to sharpen it.

The Neuroscience of a Positive Mindset

Your brain is a complex little beast. It’s constantly rewiring itself based on the thoughts you feed it, thanks to something called neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to reprogram itself. When you repeatedly focus on negative thoughts (“I’m not good enough,” “I’ll never get this right,” “What’s even the point?”), your brain strengthens those neural pathways. It gets really, really good at being negative.

Conversely, when you practice positive self talk and reframing, you build new pathways that reinforce resilience, confidence and emotional stability.

The Role of Dopamine and Serotonin

Dopamine- This is the brain’s reward chemical. When you achieve something, big or small, dopamine gives you that hit of satisfaction. A positive mindset helps you recognize wins, keeping that dopamine flowing.

Serotonin- This neurotransmitter helps regulate mood. Low serotonin levels are linked to depression, anxiety and emotional instability, none of which are helpful in a power exchange relationship. Practices like gratitude, positive reinforcement and mindful breathing help keep serotonin levels steady.

The takeaway? Your thoughts shape your brain and your brain shapes your reality. So, let’s make it work for you, not against you.

The submissive’s Mindset: Owning Your Headspace

A submissive’s role involves trust, surrender and a deep sense of service, but none of that is sustainable if your inner monologue is full of self criticism and doubt. Here’s how to cultivate a mindset that keeps you grounded, fulfilled and ready to thrive in your submission.

1.The Power of Reframing

Instead of: “I keep failing at this task. I’m not good enough.”
Try: “I’m learning. Every mistake is a step closer to mastery.”

Instead of: “My Dominant must be frustrated with me.”
Try: “My Dominant values my effort and sees my growth.”

Reframing is about shifting from a victim mentality (things are happening to me) to an empowered mindset (I control my response).

2. Daily Self Talk Rituals

Your internal dialogue should sound like the voice of your biggest supporter, not your worst critic. Here are ways to fine-tune it:

Morning Mantras- Start the day with a positive affirmation. “I am strong, devoted and valuable.” Say it like you mean it.
Check-ins- When stress hits, ask, “Is this thought serving me?” If not, rewrite it.
Nightly Reflection- End the day with gratitude. What did you do well? What progress did you make?

3. Using Rituals to Reinforce Mindset
Rituals create stability. Whether it’s morning kneeling time, a journaling habit or a structured bedtime routine, they reinforce a sense of purpose and belonging.

4. Embodying Gratitude in submission
Gratitude isn’t just about saying “thank you.” It’s a mindset shift that makes submission more fulfilling.

Verbal Gratitude- Express appreciation to your Dominant, even for small things.
Internal Gratitude- Take moments to reflect on the structure and care you receive.
Physical Gratitude- Engage in acts of service with intention, viewing them as gifts rather than obligations.

The Dominant’s Mindset: Leading from a Place of Strength

If a submissive’s mindset is about surrender and service, a Dominant’s mindset is about consistency and clarity. But stress, self-doubt and external pressures can erode even the most confident Dominant’s presence. Here’s how to maintain mental discipline:

1. The Leader’s Internal Narrative
Instead of: “I don’t have time to guide my submissive properly.”
Try: “I set the pace. My structure creates stability.”
Instead of: “I’m not in the right headspace to lead today.”
Try: “Leadership isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present.”

2. Stress Management = Relationship Management
A tense, overwhelmed Dominant can create instability in the power exchange. Proactive stress management techniques include:

Mindful Breathing- Slows the nervous system and brings clarity.
Physical Anchors- Exercise, stretching or even a moment of stillness can reset your mindset.
Delegate & Prioritize- Not every battle needs to be fought today.

3. The Power of Praise & Reinforcement
submissives thrive on affirmation. A Dominant who regularly acknowledges effort and progress fosters an environment where their submissive feels valued and motivated.
Instead of: “Good job.”
Try: “I see the effort you put into serving me today and I appreciate it.”
Positive reinforcement doesn’t just benefit the submissive, it strengthens the Dominant’s own leadership mindset by keeping their focus on growth and success.

Techniques to Keep a Positive Mindset

1.The “Three Wins” Rule
At the end of each day, name three things that went well. Big or small, it doesn’t matter. This trains your brain to seek out the positive.

2. Thought Labeling
When negative thoughts arise, don’t become them. Label them.
“Oh, that’s my perfectionism talking.”
“That’s just a passing frustration.”
By distancing yourself from negative thoughts, you take away their power.

3. The 5-Second Rule
Feeling stuck? Count down from five and take immediate action. This interrupts hesitation and builds confidence through action.

4. Sensory Resets
When frustration builds, reset through sensory input:
-Cold water on your face
-Deep inhalations of a calming scent
-Physical grounding (pressing feet into the floor, clenching and releasing fists)

5. Use Power Phrases
Create personal affirmations that align with your dynamic:
“I am a strong, capable submissive.”
“I lead with confidence and purpose.”

Mindset is a Muscle

Positivity isn’t about ignoring reality or suppressing emotions. It’s about choosing to direct your mental energy toward solutions, growth and empowerment.

In a power exchange, mindset determines everything, your confidence, your ability to serve or lead and your ability to find fulfillment when life gets tough. It’s not about if challenges will come; it’s about how you face them.

So, train your brain, guard your thoughts and keep your internal dialogue as strong as the dynamic you’re building. Because mindset matters!

The post Why Mindset Matters: The Power of Positivity in Power Exchange appeared first on Free the Kink.

BDSM and Kink (Our Thing) can have a complex relationship with stress. For some of us, BDSM/Kink activities can be a source of stress relief and relaxation, while for others, it can be a source of stress and anxiety.

On the one hand, BDSM can provide a healthy outlet for stress relief by:

• Providing a sense of control and agency
• Offering a healthy escape or distraction from daily worries
• Releasing endorphins and other feel-good hormones through physical activity
• Fostering a sense of connection and intimacy with a partner

On the other hand, BDSM can also be a source of stress and anxiety due to:

• Fear of vulnerability and surrender
• Pressure to perform or meet expectations
• Concerns about safety and consent
• Fear of judgment or rejection

BDSM relationships can be incredibly fulfilling, but they also come with unique challenges. Managing stress is crucial to maintaining healthy and enjoyable dynamics. Let’s explore a few ways to manage stress in Our Thing. A good start is through communication, consent, and care.

Communication. (Duh!)
Effective communication is essential in any relationship, and even more so in BDSM and Kink. We need to discuss our desires, boundaries, and stress levels regularly. This includes:

• Active listening
• Expressing needs and concerns
• Clarifying expectations
• Discussing limits and safe words

Consent.

Consent is a cornerstone of BDSM and kink. Ensuring enthusiastic and ongoing consent can help reduce stress and anxiety. Remember:

• Consent is an ongoing process
• Consent can be withdrawn at any time
• Respect everyone’s boundaries

Care.

Caring for yourself and your partner is vital in managing stress. This includes:

• Prioritizing self-care
• Supporting your partner’s well-being
• Engaging in stress-reducing activities together
• Showing appreciation and gratitude

To manage stress related to BDSM/Kink, it’s essential that we:

• Communicate openly and honestly with everyone involved about our desires and boundaries
• Establish clear consent and safe words
• Prioritize self-care and stress management techniques, such as meditation or exercise
• Seek support from trusted friends, mentors, or supportive mental health professionals
• Schedule regular check-ins
• Practice mindfulness and presence
• Set realistic expectations
• Embrace flexibility and adaptability

Managing stress in a BDSM and Kink requires effort and dedication from everyone involved. Remember to be patient, understanding, and compassionate with each other. Our Thing should be a positive and enjoyable experience that enhances our well-being, rather than exacerbates stress. By prioritizing communication, consent, and care, we will harness the stress-relieving potential of Our Thing while minimizing its stress-inducing aspects.

Thanks for reading, y’all.

• His Duchess

The post Oh, The STRESS! appeared first on Free the Kink.

“Insecurity in Kink and BDSM? Make it make sense!”

This Insecurity often emerges from both internal and external factors. For many, power exchange dynamics inherent in BDSM and kink can amplify existing insecurities or create new ones. When roles like Dominant, submissive, Top, or bottom are deeply intertwined with identity and self-worth, any perceived misalignment or dissatisfaction can feel personally threatening and triggering.

1.         Power Imbalance and Self-Worth:

In kink and BDSM relationships, especially those involving power exchange, a hierarchy can create unique insecurities. A submissive might worry about not meeting their Dominant’s expectations, while a Dominant may feel insecure about their ability to lead effectively. The disparity in perceived control or authority can make insecurities more pronounced.

2.         Polyamory and Jealousy:

Many kink relationships are also polyamorous or open, which introduces additional complications. Jealousy and fear of being replaced by another submissive or Dominant are common. In poly kink dynamics, navigating boundaries and managing multiple partners can evoke insecurities, especially if one partner perceives a difference in attention or affection.

3.         Body Image and Performance Anxiety:

For some, kink play involves physicality, nudity, and a heightened focus on performance. This can trigger insecurities related to body image, attractiveness, or performance anxiety; particularly in scenes that involve high physical stamina, aesthetic elements, or rituals around appearance.

4.         Stigma and Societal Judgment:

Kink relationships often face external stigmatization, misunderstanding, and judgement. This can create internalized shame or doubt. Participants may struggle with the legitimacy of their relationship or fear judgment from those outside the kink community. This external pressure can lead to personal insecurities, making it harder to fully embrace their roles.

“Where does the insecurity come from?!”

Recognizing where insecurities originate from is the first step toward managing them. Some common sources include:

            •          Unclear Communication: Misunderstandings or a lack of transparency about needs and desires can lead to feelings of inadequacy or confusion.

            •          Unresolved Past Trauma: Previous experiences of rejection, betrayal, or relationship trauma can resurface in new dynamics.

            •          Lack of Reassurance or Positive Feedback: In kink relationships, where roles can be more formalized, participants may struggle if they do not receive validation and appreciation for their efforts or contributions.

            •          Comparison with Others: Whether it’s comparing oneself to other submissives, Dominants, or even fictional depictions of kink relationships, this can create feelings of “not being enough.”

“How can we manage Insecurity?!”

Addressing insecurity requires consistent communication, emotional intelligence, and sometimes, outside support. Here are some effective strategies:

1.         Open, Honest Communication:

Establish a foundation of transparent dialogue where partners feel safe expressing their fears and concerns. Regular check-ins can help identify potential sources of insecurity before they become problematic. During these discussions, use “I” statements, such as, “I feel insecure when…” instead of accusatory language, to foster understanding.

2.         Set Clear Expectations and Roles:

Being explicit about the parameters of the relationship and what each person needs can reduce ambiguity and insecurity. For power exchange dynamics, this might involve a written contract or regular renegotiations of roles and responsibilities.

3.         Validation and Positive Reinforcement:

Both Dominants and submissives can benefit from regular affirmation. For Dominants, this might be praise for their leadership, while submissives might need praise and appreciation for their service or obedience. Make positive reinforcement a part of your relationship, whether it’s through words, rituals, or gestures.

4.         Explore Insecurity in a Kink-Positive Context:

Some people find it transformative to incorporate their insecurities into scenes, transforming them into a source of empowerment or catharsis. For example, humiliation play can be used to explore and diminish body image issues in a consensual, controlled way.

5.         Seek Support from the Community or Professionals:

The kink community often has support groups or resources specifically for navigating relationship dynamics. Alternatively, therapists with knowledge of kink and bdsm can provide a safe space to work through insecurities without fear of judgment.

6.         Practice Self-Reflection and Self-Care:

Engage in self-reflective practices like journaling, mindfulness, or self-care rituals. Understanding your own triggers and insecurities will make it easier to communicate them to your partner(s) and work through them together.

Bottom Line…

Insecurity in kink and BDSM is a natural and understandable experience that doesn’t have to undermine the connection. By acknowledging insecurities and addressing them honestly with empathy and open communication, partners can create a stronger, more resilient bond. Remember, it’s not about eliminating insecurity altogether but learning how to manage it constructively, ensuring that each partner feels safe, understood, valued, respected, and heard.

Thanks for reading.

~ His Duchess

The post Navigating Insecurity in Kink and BDSM appeared first on Free the Kink.

When it comes to relationships, deciphering what you need versus what you want can feel like a tug of war between your inner toddler and your adult self. On one hand, you might think, “I need my partner to bring me breakfast in bed every Sunday.” But do you really need that? Or do you just want to feel pampered, which, let’s be honest, could also be achieved with a hot coffee and a compliment? Let’s break it down and add some humor to this journey of self discovery because nothing says “I’m learning about myself” like laughing along the way.

Needs (The Non Negotiable’s)

Let’s start with the essentials. Your needs in a relationship are the foundational elements that keep it from crumbling faster than a cookie under pressure. These are the things that, if missing, make the relationship unsustainable. Think of needs as the relationship equivalent to air, water, and Wi-Fi. You simply cannot function without them. And for many, needs may change over time as we learn more about ourselves. I know my needs have changed over the last 20 years.

Some common relationship needs might include

Trust (because who can handle a relationship built on paranoia? Not you.)

Respect (you’re not a doormat, so why let someone treat you like one?)

Communication (because guesswork is for guessing games, not love.)

Emotional support (having someone who’s got your back when you’re feeling like life’s punching bag.)

If any of these are consistently absent, it’s not just a “want” unfulfilled, it’s a deep need that’s being ignored. Without meeting these needs, your relationship will start to resemble a house built on sand, ready to collapse at the first sign of a storm. And when that house goes down, it’s not going to be pretty.

Wants (The Icing on the Cake)

Wants, on the other hand, are the nice to haves, the things that would make the relationship sparkle like a perfectly wrapped gift but without them, it won’t unravel. Think of wants as the Netflix subscription of your relationship, nice to have but not essential for survival.

Some wants might include

A partner who can cook like Gordon Ramsay. (Yes, please, but takeout exists.)

Weekend getaways to exotic destinations. (Wouldn’t hurt but your couch and Netflix can provide just as much relaxation.)

Someone who texts back within 0.3 seconds. (It’s nice for the ego, but they could just be doing real life stuff like driving or saving a kitten from a tree.)

Wants add flavor and excitement to the relationship, but here’s the kicker, you won’t always get what you want. And that’s okay. Sometimes you have to ask yourself, “If I don’t get this, can I still be happy in this relationship?” If the answer is yes, then congratulations! You’ve identified a want.

Navigating the Not Getting What You Want Scenario

Now let’s dive into what happens when you don’t get what you want. In relationships, it’s like ordering a fancy meal and receiving a side salad instead. Disappointing? Sure. Worth ending things over? Probably not.
When faced with unmet wants, ask yourself,

Is this truly important? (Will the lack of breakfast in bed make or break my happiness?)

Can I compromise? (Maybe we settle for breakfast on the couch.)

Is it worth a conversation? (Some wants are worth communicating about if they affect your overall satisfaction, but don’t approach it like you’re starting a war over an unwashed dish.)

Relationships are about compromise. So, if your partner isn’t giving you every little thing you desire, it doesn’t mean they’re failing you. It just means you’re both humans, not relationship robots programmed to serve up perfection 24/7.

The Tricky Part, When Needs Aren’t Met

If your relationship isn’t meeting your core needs, then you’ve got a bigger issue on your hands than just missing out on your morning cappuccino. Needs are non negotiable, and if your partner consistently disregards them, it’s time to have a serious chat or reconsider if this relationship is serving your well being.

Here’s the key: never compromise on your needs. It’s like deciding to live without oxygen m, you can survive for a bit, but it won’t end well.

If you’re feeling unsupported, disrespected, or like communication is pulling teeth, it’s worth addressing head on. Don’t wait until you’re two years in, arguing about why they didn’t text you back when the root problem is something deeper. This is so important because you can share and communicate a need a million times but if your partner can’t handle it or won’t handle it, then it may be time to consider things further. Be clear, be direct and for the love of all things holy, be open to listening when your partner shares their needs, too. Some people would rather stick their head in the sand than deal with tough situations no matter what you do.

How to Decipher Needs vs. Wants

Here’s a little exercise for when you’re trying to determine if something is a need or a want:

Ask yourself: “If I don’t get this, can I function happily in this relationship?”
• If the answer is “no,” it’s probably a need.
• If the answer is “yes, but I’ll be a little cranky,” it’s likely a want.

Visualize the worst case scenario. Will not getting what you want lead to the relationship’s downfall, or will you both find a way to laugh about it later? If you can imagine the two of you chuckling over it down the road, it’s likely a want.

Be honest…

Sometimes we think something is a need because we’re upset in the moment. But if you take a deep breath and reflect, you might realize you can do without it (even if that “it” is your partner forgetting your birthday again).

You Can’t Always Get What You Want, But You Do Deserve What You Need

The Rolling Stones had it right, you can’t always get what you want. But in relationships, if you try sometimes, you find… you do get what you need. The trick is being honest with yourself, your partner, and learning to distinguish between the two.

Also it is really important to remember that our needs may change over time. This can lead to unfortunate situations but must be dealt with.

So next time you’re feeling unfulfilled, take a moment to ask yourself, “Is this something I need for my happiness and well being, or is it just a fleeting want?” With a little introspection and some humor along the way you can navigate the delicate balance between needs and wants like a pro. And hey, if all else fails, there’s always takeout.

The post Needs vs. Wants in Relationships appeared first on Free the Kink.

Welcome explorers of desire! Are you ready to take a dive deep into an essential yet often overlooked aspect of BDSM, mental health. Engaging in BDSM can be thrilling, transformative, and deeply fulfilling, but it also requires a keen awareness of emotional well being. Let’s explore how to balance the intoxicating pleasures of BDSM with maintaining a healthy mind, all while having a blast!

The Power of Play- Why BDSM Can Be Good for You

Let’s start with the positives. Did you know that BDSM can have a myriad of mental health benefits? From boosting self-esteem to enhancing emotional intimacy, the consensual power exchange in BDSM can be incredibly empowering.

Stress Relief and Endorphin Rush

Engaging in BDSM play can trigger the release of endorphins, those delightful chemicals that make you feel good. The physical activities, combined with the intense focus and presence required during scenes, can help you let go of everyday stresses and immerse yourself in the moment. It’s like a mini vacation for your brain!

Building Trust and Communication

BDSM requires impeccable communication and trust between partners. These skills are crucial not only for a satisfying scene but also for healthy relationships outside of play. The act of negotiating boundaries and discussing desires can foster a deeper emotional connection and mutual respect.

Exploring Identity and Empowerment

For many, BDSM is a way to explore different facets of their identity. Whether you’re a dominant, submissive, switch, or somewhere in between, understanding and embracing your desires can be incredibly empowering. It’s about owning who you are and what you want, and that confidence can spill over into other areas of your life.

Potential Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them

While BDSM can be immensely rewarding, it’s not without its challenges. Being aware of potential pitfalls and knowing how to navigate them is key to maintaining mental health and well being.

Sub Drop and Top Drop

After an intense scene, both submissives and Dominants can experience a phenomenon known as “drop.” sub drop or Top drop can manifest as feelings of sadness, lethargy, or emotional vulnerability. It’s a bit like the emotional hangover after a big night out.

How to Handle It: Ensure you have a solid aftercare plan in place. Aftercare isn’t just for submissives; Dominants need it too. This could include cuddling, talking, drinking water, or simply being present with each other. Check in with your partner and yourself in the days following a scene to process any lingering emotions.

Boundary Blurring

In the heat of the moment, it can be easy to push boundaries further than intended. While exploring limits can be exciting, it’s crucial to respect pre-negotiated boundaries to avoid emotional or physical harm.

How to Handle It: Always adhere to the established safe words and signals. Continuous communication during and after scenes is vital. If a boundary is unintentionally crossed, address it immediately with compassion and understanding.

Emotional Dependency

The intense dynamics of BDSM relationships can sometimes lead to emotional dependency, where one partner relies too heavily on the other for emotional support and validation.

How to Handle It: Maintain a balanced life. Cultivate friendships, hobbies, and interests. This helps ensure that your emotional well being isn’t solely tied to your BDSM experiences.

Self-Care and Mental Health

Nurturing Your Mind and Soul

Balancing pleasure and well being in BDSM is all about self-awareness and self-care. Here are some tips to keep your mental health in check while enjoying your kinky adventures.

Regular Self-Reflection

Take time to reflect on your experiences and how they make you feel. Journaling can be a powerful tool for processing emotions and understanding your needs and desires. Ask yourself questions like, “What did I enjoy about this scene?” or “How did I feel afterwards?”

Therapy and Support

If you’re struggling with emotions related to your BDSM activities, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Therapists who are knowledgeable about BDSM can provide valuable insights and support. Additionally, connecting with supportive communities, both online and offline, can help you feel less isolated and more understood.

Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques

Incorporate mindfulness and grounding techniques into your routine to stay connected with your emotions and reduce anxiety. Practices like meditation, deep breathing, or even a simple walk in nature can help you stay centered and present.

Balance and Moderation

As with any passion, moderation is key. Ensure that BDSM complements your life rather than dominates it. Balance your kinky pursuits with other fulfilling activities and relationships.

The Joy of Balanced Exploration

Engaging in BDSM can be a journey of immense joy, discovery, and personal growth. By prioritizing mental health and well being, you can ensure that your experiences are not only pleasurable but also sustainable and enriching.

Remember, it’s all about balance. Embrace the thrilling pleasures of BDSM while staying attuned to your mental and emotional needs. By doing so, you’ll create a fulfilling and harmonious path of exploration that nourishes both your body and soul. Happy exploring!

The post BDSM and Mental Health appeared first on Free the Kink.

Understanding Body Positivity in BDSM

Body positivity is about accepting and loving your body as it is, regardless of societal standards. In the context of BDSM, this means embracing your unique physicality and feeling confident in your kinky desires. It’s about recognizing that every body is beautiful and capable of experiencing pleasure.

Embrace Your Unique Beauty

– Celebrate Diversity

BDSM is a wonderfully diverse community that welcomes people of all shapes, sizes, ages, and abilities. Remember that there is no one “perfect” body type for enjoying BDSM. Celebrate your unique features and recognize that your body is capable of incredible pleasure and sensation.

– Affirmations and Self-Love

Start each day with positive affirmations. Look in the mirror and say, “I am beautiful, I am worthy, and I deserve to experience pleasure.” Self-love is a powerful tool in building body confidence. The more you affirm your worth, the more you’ll believe it.

Choose Inclusive Playwear and Gear

– Find the Right Fit

When it comes to BDSM playwear, finding pieces that fit well and make you feel fabulous is key. Choose items that make you feel sexy and empowered.

– Custom Gear

Consider investing in custom-made gear tailored to your measurements. Custom harnesses, corsets, and restraints can provide a perfect fit and enhance your confidence. Many artisans and retailers offer bespoke services to ensure you get exactly what you need.

Engage in Sensual Exploration

– Sensory Play

Sensory play can be an incredibly empowering way to connect with your body. Experiment with different textures, temperatures, and sensations. Use feathers, ice, massage oils, and wax to awaken your senses and appreciate your body’s responsiveness.

– Mirror Play

Incorporate mirrors into your play sessions. Watching yourself and your partner can be a deeply erotic and affirming experience. It allows you to see your body in action and appreciate its beauty in the moment of pleasure.

Create a Safe and Affirming Space

– Set the Mood

Creating an environment that makes you feel comfortable and celebrated is essential. Decorate your play space with items that make you feel good—soft lighting, sensual fabrics, and personal touches can transform your space into a sanctuary of self-love and pleasure.

– Communicate Boundaries and Desires

Open communication with your partner(s) is crucial. Share your body image concerns, desires, and boundaries. A supportive partner will affirm your beauty and worth, helping you feel more confident and relaxed during play.

Connect with the Community

– Join Body-Positive BDSM Groups

Find and join body positive BDSM groups and forums. These communities offer support, advice, and camaraderie. Sharing experiences and learning from others can be incredibly validating and empowering.

– Attend Workshops and Events

Many BDSM workshops and events focus on body positivity and self-acceptance. Attend these events to learn new skills, gain confidence, and connect with like-minded individuals who celebrate diversity and inclusivity.

Practice Aftercare and Self-Care

– Aftercare Rituals

Aftercare is a crucial part of any BDSM scene. Use this time to nurture your body and mind. Engage in activities that help you relax and feel cherished, such as cuddling, bathing, or simply talking about the experience.

-. Self-Care Routines

Incorporate self-care into your daily routine. This could be anything from taking time to moisturize your skin, enjoying a favorite hobby, or practicing mindfulness and meditation. Self-care reinforces your worth and helps maintain a positive body image.

Celebrate Your Kinky Self

Embracing BDSM and body positivity is a journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and joy. Remember, you are beautiful, worthy, and deserving of pleasure just as you are. So, go ahead and revel in your body, your desires, and your kinky adventures. Celebrate every curve, every sensation, and every moment of joy. The world of BDSM is yours to explore—embrace it with all the passion and confidence you possess.

The post Embracing Your Kinky Self appeared first on Free the Kink.

Lube is super important addition to all types of play, it can help prevent friction burn and prolong fun. But there are so many! How do you choose?Hopefully this will help next time you’re searching for that perfect one.

Water Based: 

Positive features

1. Condom safe 

2. Easy clean up 

3. Doesn’t stain 

4. Has a light, natural feel

5. Wide variety of types, flavors and scents

6. Typically good for oral, vaginal and anal

Negative features 

1. It absorbs quickly, so you have to continually reapply

2. It can have a sticky texture

3. It’s not water proof 

Silicone Based:

Positive features 

1. Long lasting 

2. Silky feeling, not sticky

3. Waterproof 

4. Condom safe 

5. Typically good for oral, vaginal and anal.

6. Doesn’t typically affect ph balance 

Negative features 

1. Hard to clean up 

2. Stains 

3. Cannot use on silicone or cyber skin toys

Oil Based 

Positive features 

1. Long lasting 

2. Great for fisting 

3. Good for anal

Negative features 

1. Not compatible with latex condoms 

2. Not good for many toys, as it can erode certain materials. 

3. Not recommended for vaginal use as it can lead to infection. 

4. Messy and hard to clean. 

Hybrid Lubricant 

Positive features 

1. As slippery as silicone

2. Waterproof 

3. Long lasting 

4. Latex friendly 

Negative features 

1. Not safe for silicone toys 

2. Not many options available 

Sterile Lubricants 

Positive features 

1. Safe for use with sounds, penis plugs and princes wands. 

2. Can be used with metal plugs and dildos

3. Kills germs 

4. Doesn’t harbor bacteria 

5. Doesn’t stain and is easy to clean. 

Negative features 

1. Absorbs quickly, so will need to constantly reapply

2. Not waterproof

Still having a hard time choosing well here is a little guide to help you:

Electro Sex – try a specialised electro sex gel. It has a higher salt content than standard lubricants for increased conductivity.

Vaginal Fisting – a silicone based or hybrid lubricant is a must.

Anal Fisting – an oil or silicone based lubricant will enhance your fisting fun.

Urethral Sounding – sterile water based lubricant is essential in this kind of play.

Vaginal Sex – water and silicone based lubricants will provide optimum glide and maximum pleasure for your playtime.

Anal Sex – we recommend a silicone or oil based lubricant, but remember not to use oil based formulas with condoms.

Oral Sex – water based is the best option for oral pleasure.

Masturbation – hybrid, water and silicone based are all great choices for your solo fun.

Sex Toys – water based is a safe bet for toys. Silicone based is also an option, but only if toys are not made from silicone or cyberskin.

Have fun and stay kinky

The post Slippery When Wet appeared first on Free the Kink.